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I’m terrified I’m only going to injure him more than he already is. I’ve never done anything like this before, but I’ve seen it done. I’ve cut myself on metal plenty of times and had to visit the Lirasu healer.
I angle his arm up gently so the wound is parallel with the ground. “I need you to hold your arm like this.”
He brings up his knee so he can rest his elbow there.
“Do you want to look away?” I ask.
“No.”
“All right.” I place my fingers on either side of the wound and press down and slightly in. Something like a whimper, only much louder comes out of Kellyn’s mouth.
“I’m so sorry,” I say as I watch the white liquid ooze to the ground.
I rinse off the top of the wound with more water, then go again, pinching the spot around the arrow shaft.
Kellyn’s scream is barely muffled by the stick, and his free hand reflexively goes to me. He grips my shoulder, his fingers digging in.
“That’s it. Just one more time.”
“I—I don’t think I can,” he says, letting the stick fall from his mouth.
“You can. We have to get as much out as possible.”
“I think I’d rather die.”
“Don’t say that!”
His breathing is ragged, and I know he needs a distraction from the wound.
The obvious solution hits me like a hammer.
Kiss him.
Go on. Initiate it. Right now.
No, no. I can’t. I’m not ready.
You’ll never be ready. This is something you just need to do. It’s an important step for you. Time won’t make it easier. You’ll just overthink it more.
But what if I do it wrong? Or if he doesn’t want it? Or—
“I can promise I will never refuse a kiss from you.”
Didn’t he say that to me once? But what if he’s changed his mind? So much is different now, and—
For Twins’ sake, Ziva, he’s in unimaginable pain, and you sit there arguing with yourself like an idiot.
He took an arrow. The least you can do is distract the man.
The unbelievably beautiful and kind and wonderful man you never stop thinking about.
Fine!
Before I can talk myself out of it, I grab Kellyn’s face with both of my hands to angle him toward me and lean in.
My nose stubs against his cheek before my lips touch his, and I think maybe I’ve done something very wrong when his whole body tenses beneath me.
Oh Goddesses, back up. Back up. But I’ve lost my balance, and I’m already here. And I can’t just shrug this off. However will I explain it away? I should at least do what I set out to do, shouldn’t I?
