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He once meant so much to me. We were… together for a time. But instead of running to help my sister against her fight with Kymora, he came after me and the men who tried to steal me away.
He saved me instead of her.
And if she dies, I will never be able to forgive him.
Even if she survives, I don’t think I can forgive him. He knows my sister is my whole world. He knew I wasn’t in any real danger. Kymora wanted me alive. But she wanted my sister dead to teach me a lesson.
Still, he came after me.
He chose wrong, so how can I choose to be with him?
When he has his food, he pads over to my side of the cart. A jolt of awareness shoots through me to have him so close. I don’t know how he can still affect me when we’ve spent so much time together. Yet it’s always the same with him. Excitement and anxiety rolled together in a confusing mess.
“I’m sorry I doubted Petrik,” he says.
“Again,” I remind him.
“Again.”
“It pains him to see his mother bound like she is, but every time she says something, trying to manipulate him into helping her, he looks at Temra. Reminding himself why his mother is a prisoner and must be kept that way.”
“I know. I just worry. I can’t help it.”
“He shouldn’t have kept his parentage a secret from us. But he’s nothing like his mother. He’s here with us now. Leading us to help.”
I’d been staring at Kellyn’s chest while we talked, but feeling his eyes on me now, I raise my own.
His brown meet my blue, and a hurricane of emotions battle for dominance in my chest. Fear. Want. Hate. Resignation.
I was once terrified of speaking to him. Couldn’t even get a word out without my anxieties taking over. That changed slowly. During the journey where Temra and I hired him for safepassage to Thersa. From there we had to flee across two more territories, eventually landing in his hometown of Amanor, where I met his family. Where I felt like I truly knew this man and wanted him to know me.
I maybe even started to lo—
The thought hurts, so I don’t finish it.
Because liking him, trusting him, wanting him—it all feels like a betrayal to the one person who has always been there for me.
Temra doesn’t have my anxieties. She’s protected me from awkward encounters my whole life.
And when I should have protected her, when I called on Kellyn for help, she was mortally wounded.
It’s my fault. It’s Kellyn’s fault. It’s Kymora’s fault.
I can’t be with him without hating myself.
He looks at me now, want and hurt in his own eyes. I watch his lips start and stop, looking for the right words to say.
But he and I both know there aren’t any.
Kellyn gets in a quick nap before we’re moving again. He and Petrik take turns with the horses, while I stay in the back, stuck between the person I love the most and the person I like the least.
A week has never felt longer.
Seconds sluggishly crawl by, while the day inches toward night again. Time has no meaning for me, except for the toll it takes on Temra. She grows paler, thinner, weaker.
We’re running out of time.
Kellyn asks, “What’s the plan when we reach Skiro?” Since the words are quiet, I assume they’re not meant for me.
