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I saved myself. I am not helpless. I can do things without my sister.
A pleasant warmth floods my whole being, as I realize a core truth about myself.
“But you shouldn’t have had to do it without me,” Temra says. “I should have been there.”
“You needed to heal.”
Her panting makes her words almost unintelligible. “It’s not okay, Ziva. You always get to do all the saving! You saved us from Kymora. You saved me from a cult in Thersa. You saved Ghadra from Secret Eater. You saved me from death. You get to do all the saving, while I’m the one helpless.I want to do the saving.It’s what I’ve trained for. It’s what I’ve always wanted. And yet I’m the one unconscious while you get to go on another adventure!”
The sword slips from her hand on the next move, and she grunts as she goes to retrieve it.
“You think I’ve enjoyed any of this?” I ask. “You think I liked running for my life and having to protect you from danger? You think I liked wondering if you were dead, knowing it would be my fault?”
“Ienjoyed it,” she says while she resumes her workout. “Iloved it. Being on the run. Fighting for my life. I’ve never felt more alive.”
“And when you were dying? When you took a sword to the arm and lung? How did that feel?” The words come out snappish, but I don’t apologize.
“That part obviously wasn’t great, but the rest of it!”
I will never be able to forget just how different we are.
“So you’re mad at Petrik because he denied you an adventure?” I ask.
She rounds on me, lets the sword point stab straight up into the air. “I’mfuriousbecause helied to me. I’m inconsolable because you were in danger, and I didn’t know about it. We’re sisters. That means we look out for each other. Notyoualways looking out forme. When am I ever going to give back when you’re doing everything all the time?”
“Temra, you don’t owe me anything.”
“But I do. I owe you everything. My life. Everything that I own back home. Everything I am is because of you. And Petrik is a no-good liar. If he weren’t the brother of the prince—another fact he kept from us, I might add—I’d gut him right now.”
She returns the sword to the rack before sitting on the floor to stretch. She reaches out with her hands and touches her feet, keeping her legs straight.
“You don’t mean that,” I say.
“I do. If he values his life, he should stay out of my sight. Who knows what I might do if provoked?”
“He traveled with us all over Ghadra. He sided with us against his own mother. He fought and killed for you. He came with me to save Serutha.”He loves youis what I don’t say but want to. “You didn’t see him after you were wounded. He was just as inconsolable as I was. He broke a promise to Serutha byrevealing her identity and leading us to the one person who could save you.”
“He let you get left behind. How can I forgive that? He chose me over you.”
I open my mouth, then shut it, realizing just how much of a hypocrite I would be if I said anything. Kellyn let Temra get hurt, and I held that against him, convinced I could never forgive him of it.
Though I’ve already forgiven him for it, hearing Temra’s own thoughts helps me realize just how unfair I’d been to him.
I want to tell Temra that she had it easy. She didn’t know where I was or what I was doing. She had no clue that I was in danger. She didn’t find out until I was already back safe and sound. So really, what does she have to be angry about?
“Will you tell me the story?” she asks. “How did you get caught, and how did you escape?”
“That was actually Kellyn’s fault.” I tell her all about how the idiot sacrificed himself for her in order for the rest of us to escape, and then how I stayed behind to help him.
“You stayed. On purpose?”
“He would have died without me.”
She looks inward, and I can’t even guess where her thoughts are spinning to, so I continue. Telling her how Kellyn told Ravis what I could do. And then how I got us out. How we were followed on the road. How he was injured.
“Sounds like I owe a lot to the mercenary,” Temra says at the end of it. Then she wraps me in a hug.
“Can you believe him?” I ask, relishing the feeling of her arms around me. “Such an idiot.”
