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Nicole grasped my hands, put them on her chest, and ground herself up and down against my hardness through my jeans. She pouted her big, fake pink lips at me. “Jacey, let me have it, please.”
I pulled my hands away and stared her right in the eyes. “I … I … not now.”
I couldn’t explain myself to her. I couldn’t get it out that I could never fucking do this with her. I couldn’t admit to her how much I loved Allie. Allie was my entire life.
“You want to take it slow?” Nicole asked, running her hands through my hair. “Is Jace Harbor afraid that I’m going to break his cold little heart again? Because I won’t, Jacey.” She crawled off me and dropped to her knees, hands running up the inside of my thighs. “All I want to do is please you.”
My breathing hitched, and I stared right through her. She undid my pants and ran her fingers across my cock pressed against my briefs, slowly moving her manicured fingers. Placing her mouth on my underwear, she sucked on it lightly, all the way up until she reached the head of my cock.
I squeezed my eyes closed and thought of something, anything, so I could keep Nicole distracted because I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t fucking go through with this. What the fuck was I ever even thinking?
Nicole paused. “Why is your dick getting soft?”
My eyes snapped open, and I zippered up my pants, gathering myself together. “I need to use the bathroom,” I said, hoping she’d be stupid enough to believe that excuse. I stood up and hurried over to the bathroom connected to the living room.
When I closed the door, I placed my hands on the sink and took a deep breath. I stared at myself in Nicole’s bathroom mirror, wanting to punch it to pieces.
My chin trembled as I stared at the man in the mirror—tears in his eyes and that sorry for a fucking man expression on his damn face. I balled my hands into fists and stared at myself—really fucking stared at the man who was supposed to love Allie. Now, I was at Nicole’s house, letting her touch me, letting her grind her body against mine and kiss me in places only Allie should.
A tear—a fucking tear—fell from my eye.
Fuck me. Fuck this.
I wanted Allie to hold me, to stroke my hair, to tell me that everything was going to be okay, like she had after Mom died. Yet Allie was the only person that I was doing this for. I didn’t give a fuck what happened to me or to my father. I just wanted to keep Allie safe.
If I had to give up any hope of ever having her in my arms again as anything more than a measly hookup, then I would do it to keep her safe. She couldn’t know what this was all for; she couldn’t know how dangerous my father was. She’d tell her mother, and her mother would try to leave him. Nobody could leave him.
