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KAI
To my surprise, Imani and Landon came back into the basement, looking happier than ever. I thought for sure, by the way Landon had kept glaring at me, that he was going to be pissed off at Imani for getting closer to me and João.
“I’m gonna go over to Kai’s place for a little bit,” Imani said to Landon, standing on her tiptoes and placing a kiss on his lips.
“You’re welcome to come, Landon,” I said.
Again, surprisingly, he shook his head and nodded to João and Ana in the basement. João glared at me, then at Imani, who was inching closer to me by the second. “I’m going to clean up here a little bit with them, and then I’ll be over a bit later.”
“All right,” I said, taking Imani’s hand in mine and pulling her toward the basement door.
I was nervous but excited to show her the pictures of Allie and me. I hadn’t shown the pictures to anyone, except the guys, only a couple of times. But I really, really wanted to show Imani. Not only did I want her to believe me, but I also finally wanted to feel happy. I wanted to tell someone else who Allie really was to me and who I really was to Allie.
After we drove to my house, I opened the door and let Imani head down the stairs before me. Last time we had been here, this morning, I’d tied her up and fucked her senseless in my bedroom. But tonight, I was going to show her another side of me and then teach her how to shoot a gun.
Because she fucking sucked at it.
“I’m actually so excited,” Imani said. “You really care about Allie, and I believe you. I saw the way you looked at her tonight and realized that it’s not the way you look at me. Allie needs someone in her life right now. Her mom is … not in a good place, it seems, especially with Allie’s new stepdad.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m trying to figure it out. I want to protect Allie, but I don’t want her to know yet. I’m nervous that she’s going to … freak out. Because she looked up to her dad. She wants to believe that he did nothing wrong. He was just trying to save Redwood too.”
Once we walked down the stairs, I guided her toward my bedroom. Locked away in one of my many drawers was a box. A box of things I’d collected of Dad and Allie over the years. After taking a deep breath, I pulled out the box and sat on the side of the bed next to Imani, nervous to open it up.
When I finally did, all the memories of being young and carefree came rushing back—running through the grass in the backyard, grinning from ear to ear like Redwood wasn’t all that bad after all.
Lying on top of all the other items was a picture. I took it in my hands and brushed my fingers over the faces in the image, and then I handed the picture to Imani.
“My dad took a couple photos of us when we were babies.” I scratched the back of my head. “He had gotten my mom pregnant before he met Allie’s mom. They were both really young. High school age, I think, but then he went to the Army.”
I took a long, deep breath. My stomach was tight, feelings of growing up so lonely spreading throughout my body.
Our father had chosen Allie’s family over ours most of the time. He still came to visit, and we hung out a lot, at least once every week. But he lived with Allie.
All I wanted was to be with them. All my fucking life, I wanted to see my sister and for us to be happy together. We had lived right down the road from her, but it hadn’t been the same.
“Allie doesn’t know it, but she’s gotten me through these past few years. After our dad died, my mom overdosed on drugs. I was so fucking alone, Imani. Allie was the only thing that I had. I’ve been holding on to the hope that one day, I would be able to tell Allie who she really is to me.” Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. “I felt so alone for so long. I wanted to tell her … I wanna tell her so badly. I’m so nervous, so fucking nervous.”
Imani moved closer to me and enveloped me with a hug, squeezing me tightly and resting her head on my chest. “I know; it’s so hard,” she whispered, “just hearing you say it.”
“Do you think … do you think she’ll hate me after that? After I tell her what her parents did?”
So many questions rushed through my mind. What if I told Allie and she didn’t believe me, or what if I told her and she hated me because of it? She didn’t know who her father really was. She didn’t know that he had a son her age too. What the fuck could I tell her? I didn’t want to lose her. I didn’t have her now, but still … at least I got to see her.
All those terrible memories of my parents’ death years ago rushed through my head. I wanted my mom and dad back. For one fucking day, I wanted a family. That was all I ever fucking wanted.
A fucking tear slid down my cheek, and Imani pushed it away. My emotions were so raw. Why had Dad done that to me? Why had he chosen Allie? I just wanted him. I wanted him back whether he chose me or not. As long as I got to see him again, I fucking wished he was still alive.
“I don’t want to screw up,” I said to Imani.
She took my face in her hands and gently caressed my cheeks with her thumbs. “You’re not going to screw up. Allie needs someone as much as you need someone, but neither of you will ever admit it.”
Wanting to hold someone, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her flush against my chest. “She’s the only family I have left. I can’t lose her. God, I don’t want to lose her.” There was nothing but anguish in my trembling voice.
Imani pulled me to the bed and pushed me down, and then she curled up next to me and laid her head on my chest again, holding me so tightly. So fucking tightly. Just like Mom used to. Fuck, I fucking missed Mom.
