AllFreeNovel
Share Us
JOÃO
“What am I supposed to say to her?” I said, rubbing my dry hands together and staring into Imani’s house through the windows beside her front door. From a distance, I caught sight of Ana running into the kitchen with a small apron on. My chest tightened at the mere thought of telling her anything.
“I don’t know,” Imani whispered, her fingers gently scratching my back through my coat.
After standing in the bitter cold for another moment, I opened the front door and walked into the house behind Imani. The guys sat in the foyer, chatting tensely with each other about something. When I walked in, they stood and grimaced. Neither of them had said much since they had left my house.
“You okay?” Kai asked even though I probably looked like shit.
“Is Ana in the kitchen alone?” I asked, ignoring his question because we all knew that I wasn’t all right, and I didn’t know if I would ever be all right again. This was bound to fuck me up for the next few weeks, months, maybe even years.
“No, she’s with Mrs. Abara,” Landon said.
I grimaced and walked toward the kitchen, smelling the rich scent of brigadeiros drifting through the house. In the kitchen, Ana stood on a chair with a small white apron on and a chef’s hat, stirring a big pot of chocolate.
“João!” she said, grinning. “We’re making brigadeiros!”
“Are they coming out good?” I asked, giving her my best smile.
“Yeah!” She handed the spoon to Imani’s mother, who gave me a half-smile, and then she jumped down from the chair and barreled toward the refrigerator. She pulled open the door, revealing over two plates full of chocolate sprinkle–coated chocolate balls. “Wanna have one?”
My eyes widened slightly. “How many have you made, Ana? You’re not going to eat these all.”
“We’ve been making them all morning,” Imani’s mother said.
While I didn’t like Imani’s mother—because I saw right through that nice-woman facade that she put up—I appreciated that she had allowed Ana to stay with them this morning and had been keeping Ana busy. I sure as hell couldn’t even think straight last night, never mind take care of someone else.
So, I swallowed my fucking pride and said, “Thank you.”
Ana loved baking these things. It took her mind off the world around her.
“Do you think Mama will want some?” Ana asked.
Everyone in the room stiffened.
I stared down at my feet, my jaw twitching slightly, then nodded toward the other room. “We need to talk, Ana. Let the guys take over in the kitchen for a couple minutes, okay?”
“Okay,” Ana said, closing the fridge. She turned to Landon. “Make them how I showed you. Don’t mess anything up this time.”
I took her hand and walked with her out to the porch. I sat on Imani’s mother’s front steps in the freezing fucking cold and pulled Ana onto my lap. At least it wasn’t snowing outside right now. I held her tightly to me, my body straining so that I wouldn’t let out another sob in front of her. All morning, the pain had come in waves.
“Are we going to see Mama today?” she asked, turning her head around to look at me.
“Mom’s going to be gone for a while,” I whispered, desperate to stay strong.
Ana furrowed her dark brows and turned around in my hold, her arms around my shoulders and her small lips pulled into a frown. “But I didn’t get to say bye to her. Where did she go? Is she working?”
With my lips parted, I bit back more pain. “No, she’s not working,” I said, my voice choppy and almost on the verge of cracking, almost on the fucking verge of breaking into a cry, a whimper, something for Mom.
“Then, where is she?”
No matter what I told Ana, she wouldn’t understand. I wanted to be honest with Ana about where Mom was and about how she would never get to see her again, but I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell my little sister that. I wanted to protect her from everything.
“She’s gone,” I said, swallowing hard. “Mama is gone.”
It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. It was all I could muster.
Ana pushed some hair off my forehead with her smaller, warmer hands. “Don’t cry, João. Mama will be back. She always comes back to us.” She rested her forehead against mine. “I know she will. She loves us.”
