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Getting to my feet, I brushed the dirt off my knees and hands. “Why do you care?”
“It’s my job to care. To deliver the message.”
“Then deliver your message and let me get back to my mourning, will you?”
“Do you know who I am?”
“Obviously not. I asked, and you didn’t exactly give me a name. Should I? Are you God or something? Because if you are, I have a serious bone to pick with you.”
He smirked. “No. I’m surprised Caleb didn’t tell you about me.”
God, that name. It hurt. But my breath caught as understanding hit me. “Gabriel. You were the one who sent me the sword.”
“I can neither confirm nor deny any involvement in acts that could technically be viewed as tipping the balance, but yes, child, I am Gabriel.” He stood and puffed out his chest as a warm glow radiated from him. “The Messenger of God.”
“Tell him to go fuck himself.”
The glow died. “I don’t think I shall. That rarely ends well.”
“So is that it, then? Are you here to smite me?”
He laughed. “Darling, why would I do that?”
“You know. Daughter of a horsewoman. Gave birth to the Apocalypse. Seems like I’m a pretty big wrinkle in your plans.”
“Wrinkle? No. Part of the plan? Definitely.” Gabriel folded his hands and gave me a considering look. “Your mother wasn’t the only one with pieces on the board, you know. It might have been their game, but they weren’t the only players.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
The angel sighed. “I thought it was quite obvious, but clearly you’re upset. Maybe it will bring you more comfort later.”
I shook my head, not appreciating the subtle dig. “I guess I should be happy that my mom didn’t actually end up being Lucifer. Horsewoman has to be a little lower on God’s shitlist, right?”
“You were never on a shitlist. You were born to play a role, but the script was unwritten. Your choices led to this end. And, as you can see, she failed because of your strength.”
“What strength? I’m in a graveyard talking to an angel at my wit’s fucking end, trying to figure out how I’m supposed to put the man I love in the ground. This is about as broken as I could possibly be.” My voice wobbled, but I took a ragged breath and steeled myself as much as I was able. “Caleb is dead. And regardless of why he loved me, I love him, and that’s real. I love all of them...” Another shuddering sob tore through me before I could continue. “But they... they’re trapped here with me. They don’t know why they feel the way they do for me. They don’t understand it’s not real. And I’m so selfish. So fucking selfish because all I want is to pretend she didn’t tell me the truth. I want to keep them and make believe it’s real love because what do I have without them? What even was the point of all of this if we don’t get to be together in the end?”
“I’d say saving the world from a fiery end is probably a worthy cause.”
“Fuck your worthy cause. This is too hard.” I wiped more tears away, welcoming my anger and holding it tight. “Where the fuck were you anyway? If you’re such a good friend, if you had such a vested interest, why weren’t you here with us? You could have stopped all of this. Why let this happen? Why make us suffer this way?”
He offered me a soft, understanding smile. I wanted to slap him as he took up position next to me. “You earthbound creatures. You’ll never understand how powerful free will is. My hands are tied in so many ways. You think red tape is something only mortals deal with? Try dealing with celestial regulations.”
“Is this all a joke to you?”
“Far from. If I could have stopped all of this and saved you the pain and heartache, I would have. I did what I could. Skirted the line so closely I may still be cast out of heaven. But I have something you need to find.”
“What is that?”
“Faith.”
“Faith in what? A God that would allow terrible things to happen to the people who wholeheartedly believe in Him? I have no use for a disloyal deity.”
“Careful.”
“Fuck off, angel, I’m not playing any more games. I am no one’s pawn.”
“If you would just listen to me, you’d realize I’m giving you the answer you need.”
