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“Right. It was the exact opposite of how I felt with Jay. With Adam I’d feel insecure and unsure. I hated it, hated never knowing what to expect from him.”
“Then it makes sense you’d be into the Wolf guys. Jay’s a little on the gruffer side, but he’s still even-keeled and reliable.”
“And I never have any doubt that he cares about me. That goes a long way.”
I sipped my wine then shook my head, something else occurring to me.
“What’s wrong?” Clarissa asked.
“It’s silly.”
“Nothing’s too silly for your bestie. And you might as well spill it now before I get another glass of wine into you and hear it anyway.” She followed this up with a warm smile.
I pursed my lips then spoke. “Just thinking about how I used to be with Adam, how I always tried to get him to…you know, look at me a certain way.”
“What kind of way?”
“The way someone looks at you when they love you, when they’re crazy about you, when you’re the most beautiful person in the world to them. Adam was never like that with me. I guess part of me had hoped that marrying him I might finally get that. But now I know it’s because his head was always somewhere else.”
“Literally,” Clarissa said. Then her eyes flashed. “Sorry, that was in really poor taste.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “In poor taste, maybe, but still true. All that time I was trying to get his attention, to make him care about me the way I’d always hoped someone might. But little did I know, he was running around town sticking his dick into whatever woman was up for it.”
Clarissa’s eyes flashed with anger. “And now he has the nerve to come here and try to get you to take him back. What an asshole!”
I sighed. “But the way Jay looked at me, the way the guys all look at me – that’s what I’m talking about! It’s like I’ve been searching for so long for a guy to feel a certain way about me, to look at me with love in his eyes.”
“And now you’ve got three of them,” Clarissa replied with a nod, understanding my situation. “But hey, you have to admit – that’s not a bad problem to have.”
I reached forward and grabbed the bottle of wine, topping off my glass. There was so much more to think about. Like what I wanted to do for my career, if corporate graphic design work was a world that I wanted to stay in.
In the meantime, I gave myself a moment to close my eyes and savor that feeling, the way I felt about the guys, and the way they felt about me.
There was something sweet and perfect about it all, and I wanted to see where that feeling might take me.
No matter what.
