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Chapter Ten
Jessie
"Scootover,"Emmasays, prying my blankets from over my head. "If you won't get out of bed, I'm getting in with you."
I huff and scoot over, wedging myself up against the wall to make room for her. She kicks her shoes off and crawls in with me, folding the blankets down over her chest. I scowl at her and pull a pillow over my face, trying to hide from the light. It's too bright in here.
"Are you ever going to talk to me?" she asks quietly.
"Not if I have to use words." My throat feels like I've been storing razorblades inside it for the last two days. All I've done is cry. I miss Devil like crazy. I'm so angry with him. I'm scared for him. I just want him to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. Except…I'm not sure how that's possible.
My whole life, my brother has been my hero. I've idolized him since I was a little girl. When our parents died, I felt like we were completely alone in the world. It made me sad but I knew we would be okay because Risk would make it so. And then the Diamond Kings stepped up to help. I felt like I gained a whole new family. Sure, they aren't conventional. Sure, they sometimes do things that aren't strictly legal. But that doesn't make them bad people. It doesn't make them any less my family.
And then I met Devil. For the first time in my life, I lowered my defenses. I let myself be loved. No one has ever made me feel the way he does with a single look, a single touch. When I'm with him, the rest of the world doesn't matter. It doesn't even exist. He's all I think about, all I see. He's the sun around which I revolve. With him, I'm free in a way I never have been before.
But to keep one half of my heart, I have to give up the other half. There is no way around it. I can't love a cop and keep my brother and the MC. I can't keep my brother and the MC and continue to love a cop. The real world doesn't work that way. Cops don't get to consort with criminals and continue being cops. MCs don't get to associate with cops without putting themselves in danger. That's the world I live in.
"Talk to me, Jessie," Emma says, running her hands through my hair. "I'm worried about you. We're all worried about you."
"Devil is a cop," I blurt.
Her eyes widen. She knows about him, of course. I couldn't keep him a secret from everyone. I tell my best friend everything. "Whoa," she says. "You mean like for real?"
"Yeah."
"That's bad," she whispers.
I bob my head miserably.
"Does Risk know?"
"Not yet."
"He's going to lose his mind."
A pitiful sob cracks on my lips. "That's what I'm afraid of," I admit, rolling onto my side. "Once the truth comes out, I'm going to lose one of them forever." Risk probably won't kill him since he's a cop, but he's going to be pissed.
"You don't know that," Emma says.
I snort and then sniffle. "Yeah, I do. Cops and outlaw MCs don't mix, Emma. It's like asking the mafia if they're okay with family dating the FBI."
"I see your point." She grimaces. "What are you going to do?"
That's the thousand-dollar question, isn't it? What am I going to do? I know what I want to do. I know what my heart is screaming at me. But I don't think I get a say here, not really. I don't get to be selfish and do what I want. I can't tell Risk I'm a grown-up and then do the easy thing just to spare myself the pain.
"Being an adult sucks."
"Yeah," Emma sighs.
"I'm staying in bed forever."
"You can't. You have class tomorrow."
"Fine. I'm staying in bed until tomorrow."
"Go away!" I shout when Emma knocks on my door again three hours later.
She ignores me. Naturally. I swear she spends more time in my dorm than her own. I don't even know why they give us our own dorms for our senior year. They should have just left us in the same room together like we have been for the last three years.
