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Emily
Floating around in the pool, I feel free. Weightless. At peace. It’s quiet in here. Dean came and dragged Ella out, saying something about escaping his mother’s wedding planning before it was too late.
I like Ella. In another life, another time, I think I could have been good friends with someone like her. My life isn’t destined for that. I’m not destined for the happily ever after. The sombre reality crashes over me, reminding me not to get too comfortable here. I need to plan my escape. I need to get out of here before I get Josh and his family in any trouble.
How my face isn’t spread all over the news and on every paper out there, I don’t know. I killed someone. Granted he deserved it, but he was still a living, breathing person and I killed him. The thing that’s messing with my mind is the fact that I don’t regret it. That realisation scares me. I should feel bad.
The nightmares come—maybe that’s my subconscious telling me I did something I should feel bad about. In my nightmares though, I don’t kill him. In my nightmares, he’s still alive and he’s coming for me.
What if I didn’t kill him? No, I saw all the blood, the lifeless eyes. He was definitely dead. He has to be. I can handle going to jail for the rest of my life if it means never having to face him again.
A huge splash draws me out of my internal battle. I right my body, looking around for what could have made the splash. I can see the ripples in the water, but that’s it. Nothing else. Surely if there was someone else in here, they would have to come up for air by now. Right?
The water stills and nothing and no one has popped up. I’m starting to get freaked out, standing here like a sitting duck. I head for the steps to get out of the pool when something grabs around my ankle and pulls me down, my scream silenced by the water. I kick out at the person holding me under. It’s no use. Whoever it is wraps their arms around me and shoots both of our bodies up.
My lungs heave as I wipe the water from my face and swipe my hair off my forehead. Opening my eyes, I’m met with a sight that momentarily stops my heart.
Josh is smiling, a big beaming smile; even his damn eyes are twinkling. For a moment, a small moment, I forget that I’m mad at him, that I hate him. I get lost in those blue eyes of his. Then I remember I hate him.
Punching him on his chest while trying to wiggle myself out of his vice-like hold, I yell at him, “What the hell are you smiling about, asshole?”
“What’s not to smile about? I’ve got the most beautiful woman in the fucking world in my arms—and she’s all wet.” His voice is deep and husky.
“Does that line work on all the girls, Josh? Because if it does, you need to up your standards,” I bite back at him.
“There are no other girls, babe. There is only you. There will only ever be you.” He’s so convincing with his words, I almost believe him. I almost want to believe him.
“Sure, whatever you say. Now, remove your hands from me before I scream bloody murder,” I threaten.
Josh immediately removes his hands but doesn’t move away from me. I take a step backwards myself, only to have him follow.
“You know, it wasn’t that long ago you were begging for my hands to be on you, in you.” He smirks.
“I had a momentary lapse in judgement. Don’t flatter yourself. I ended up doing a better job myself.”
I’m not sure where the courage to talk back to him like this is coming from. Why am I pushing him? Trying to get him to break? Get him to show me his true colours sooner rather than later? I’m waiting for him to snap and lash out at me. It’s bound to happen, eventually. The longer I stay here, the more chance I have of being that girl again.
The one who lets a guy dictate her every move, the one who lets the guy use and abuse her to relieve his own frustration. I’ve decided I don’t want to be that girl again. I never wanted to be her in the first place.
“You can push me as much as you like. Talk back to me with as much fight as you’ve got to give. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, you can do that will ever make me hurt you, Emmy. I may be a monster, but I’m not that kind of fucking monster,” Josh says fiercely.
“You don’t get it, Josh! All these bruises, all these scars. Yeah, they hurt. Yes, I’ve been beaten over and over again. But no amount of physical pain has ever amounted to the ache you caused when I woke up in that damn cabin alone!” I scream, and tears start running down my face. I didn’t mean to tell him… I didn’t want him to know how much he has the power to hurt me. Had. He had the power to hurt me. I won’t let any man hurt me again.
Josh reaches his hand up to my face. I automatically flinch, turning my head. I feel my body go stiff, waiting for the sting. I don’t feel it though; what I do feel is Josh’s thumb wiping away the tears from my cheek.
“I wish you would give me a name, Emmy,” Josh whispers.
I shake my head no. I can’t let him know what I’ve done. I just need to get out of here.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I’ll find out anyway.”
“You need to stop looking, Josh. You need to let me leave. I can’t be here. I shouldn’t be here.”
“Here is exactly where you’re meant to be. Here is where you belong. You can’t leave, Emmy. You can’t leave. You can’t. Please just let me keep you for a little longer.” Josh sounds almost desperate. His arms wrap back around my body as I let myself embrace his touch. I rest my head on his chest, right over where my name is printed on him.
I know I shouldn’t give him reassurance, make promises I can’t keep, but I do anyway. “Okay.” The one word leaves my mouth, sealing my fate, his fate, our fate.
What will he do when he finds me gone? Because as soon as I get the chance, I will be leaving. No matter how much I want to stay right here in his arms, I know I can’t.
