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I hitchhiked with truckers from Adelaide, in South Australia, to the Hunter Valley in New South Wales. That’s one thousand and six-hundred kilometres. Five days of not wanting to fall asleep, of always being on guard. I’ve listened intently to the radio, waiting to hear of the search that should be happening for me.
There was nothing. No mention of the murder scene I left behind, no mention of a fugitive on the run. Nothing. Trent was a cop. I know you can’t just kill a cop and get away with it. I’m not that stupid. Not to mention, his brother’s also a fucking cop. One that will be after me, even if it’s not being publicised on the news.
Shaking the dark thoughts off, I look around the small clearing in front of the cabin. No one is here. I don’t know what I expected. I knew he wouldn’t be here. That’s why I came; no one will be looking for me in a cabin in the woods on the McKinley Ranch. I can spend a couple of days here to regroup and come up with a game plan as to how I’m going to get myself out of this mess.
With each step I take towards the cabin, the memory of the last time I was here hits me hard. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought of that night, a day where his face hasn’t made an appearance in my mind.
“What I can give you is tonight. Let me give you tonight,” Josh pleads with me. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be anywhere alone with Josh, the boy who has tormented me, yet also protected me for the last three years.
I know he’s the reason why boys stopped paying attention to me. I also know he’s the reason why nobody ever gave me any kind of grief for being the poor girl at school. He has barely said two words to me since that first day in the cafeteria.
The only thing I ever get from him is a scowl and dirty looks. I’ve attempted to talk to him. Each time, he walks away from me like I’m a ghost, like he can’t hear or see that I’m right in front of him.
The little notes that were left in my locker every day, I’ve always suspected they were from him. He just confirmed my suspicions when he called me Emmy; no one ever calls me Emmy. Those notes, they were all addressed to Emmy.
To have him standing in front of me now, confessing that he wants to give me tonight… My mind is telling me to run, run far and fast. This boy is psychotic. This is probably one of his sick and twisted games. I’ve seen the kind of stuff he’s done to other students. Never me though. It was like I didn’t exist—besides the occasional prank I’ve long suspected he’s behind.
Yet, I can’t help but nod, can’t help but let him give me this one night. Within seconds, Josh’s mouth is on mine, his smooth, full, soft lips pressing down hard onto my own. The spark I feel, the one that happens whenever I make physical contact with him, it’s alight like fireworks and wreaking havoc through my body. I’m burning up.
Josh’s tongue swipes against the seam of my lips; my mouth willingly opens for him. Our tongues fight against each other. Little moans sound through the room. I don’t know if they’re coming from me or him. I don’t even care anymore. I need more. I want more.
My fingers tracealong my lips as the memory of the best kiss I’ve ever had taunts me. I’ve never felt as safe as when I was in this cabin with Josh that night. Never felt more cherished, more treasured than when Josh took his time worshipping my body.
It was heaven. That night was the best night of my life. Then the morning came, and I woke up cold and alone. There was a note and a phone next to me. The same note and phone I’ve carried with me for seven years. I could recite the written words from memory. I knew then I would never see Josh again. I also knew then that I hated him, hated him with everything in me. I pull the scrunched-up paper from my pocket and read it again. I need the reminder of why I can’t call him. Why I can’t let him find me here.
Emmy,
I’m sorry it has to be this way. You need to leave town. You need to leave and never look back. This is not the place for a girl like you.
You are the first person to ever make me feel anything. But you also make me hope, and hope is a damn bitch for someone with a soul as black as mine. That’s why I can’t keep you.
I know I’d only ruin you, tarnish your halo until it cracked and fell down. If I ever see you again, run. Run from me. Because I promise I won’t be able to give you up a second time. I won’t be able to let you go.
Yours always,
Josh
P.S. Keep this phone with you always. I’m one phone call away if you need anything at all. Just know, if you do call, if you use the phone to contact me, it’s the beginning of the end for us both.
I readit every time I think of caving and calling Josh for help. Deep down, I know he’d help me. I also know I’d never let him. Now is no exception. I will figure this out. I will get myself out of the mess I’ve created.
Just as I’m making my way to the door, I hear a woman shouting from inside the cabin. Peering through the dirty window, I see a dark-haired woman sitting against the back wall with her hands tied.
Please tell me this is not where Josh is bringing all of his women. Oh God, what if he’s in there with her? She yells out “stop” and starts talking to someone about how Dean and Josh will find them. I duck down out of view and keep listening.
This girl needs help. She’s obviously a friend or something of Josh’s. As quietly as I can, I make my way back into the bushes and sit against a gum tree. What do I do? I can’t call him. I can’t let him find me. I also can’t just leave that girl in there.
Pulling the phone out, I press the number I’ve wanted to press for so many years. The phone rings for so long I don’t think he is going to answer. Then I hear his voice on the other end.
“Emmy, what’s wrong?” Josh asks after a moment.
“Josh, I… I’m down at the cabin. Um… our cabin. There’s a girl in there. She’s in trouble, Josh. I saw through the window. I went to help her, but then she started yelling at someone named Sarah. And she… she said your name. I don’t know what to do… What do I do?” I ask.
“Where are you now?” Josh’s voice cracks. I can hear him start to run. Huh, maybe this girl is his girlfriend or wife, and he’s really worried about her. I don’t have time to analyse the way that thought makes me feel right now.
“I’m behind the cabin, in the bushes. I should go and help her, Josh. I can help her,” I tell him.
“Stay hidden, Em. Do not come out of that spot until you hear me or Dean calling for you, okay?” Josh yells over the sound of an engine revving.
“Okay,” I agree, although I have no plans of letting him find me. I’m just going to stay here long enough to know that he found the girl and that he can help her. Then I’m out of here. I need to look for a new place to hide out.
