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Josh
Theme song - Ruining Me, Danni Giddings
Married, she’s fucking married. Or was married. How the fuck did I not know that? Why do I feel like my heart just fucking shattered into a million pieces? That should have been me, only me. She went and married someone who wasn’t fucking me.
“Fuck!” I yell, pulling at my hair.
“Josh, just stop the car. Let me out,” Emily whispers while moving as far away from me as she can get.
I look at her, really look at her. She’s scared. I don’t think I’ve really ever seen her this scared before. I need to calm down; my yelling is not helping her at all. But fuck, she fucking married someone else.
“I can’t.” My voice is hoarse, the words barely audible.
“You don’t need to. Just tell him to stop the car and let me out.”
“I can’t let you go, Emmy. I’m never going to be able to let you go. You knew that before you came back. I warned you if you came back, I’d be keeping you.”
“You have to let me go. You don’t understand… They’re going to find me, and I’d rather not drag you down with my mess.”
“Your mess is my mess, Emmy. I’ll fix this. I can fix this.”
Emmy shakes her head no. She doesn’t say anything, just looks down at her hands and continues to shake her head no repeatedly.
“Tell me why?” I ask. I need to know why she fucking married someone else.
“You want me to tell you why I killed him? I was cooking dinner; it was his favourite. I thought he’d be in a good mood because he liked when I cooked spaghetti. When I heard the door jingle, I ran into the bedroom to check the bed, then to the bathroom and redid the towels. By the time I got back out to the kitchen, the sauce was burning.”
Emmy hesitates and stares at me, silently begging me to tell her to stop. I probably should. I know I’m not going to like whatever it is she has to fucking say. But fuck, I need to know. When I asked her to tell me why, I was referring to the whole marriage thing. I want to fucking know why the fuck she married him.
I wait her out, not breaking eye contact. I can do this. I can sit here and listen to whatever it is she has to say. I need to do this.
“He… I knew he was going to be mad. I don’t know why I did it, but I picked up a small knife out of the block and hid it behind my back. He…” Emmy shakes her head no again.
“He what, Emmy?” I ask her, not moving a muscle. I’m so afraid I’ll scare her off and she’ll stop talking. This is the most she’s ever fucking talked to me about this prick.
“He got mad, threw the sauce. He hit me a few times. I don’t know why I did it. I don’t know why now. It wasn’t different from any other time. But when he was...” She glances at me briefly then looks away. Again, I wait, with the patience of a damn saint.
“When he was raping me, I remembered I had the knife in my hand. I don’t know what came over me. I just brought the knife up and jammed it into his neck. There was so much blood. It was everywhere.”
“Stop the fucking car now!” I yell at the driver. He’s quick to pull over to the side. As soon as I jump out of the vehicle, I’m bent over, throwing my fucking guts up. I watch the black SUV come to a stop behind me, and looking over my shoulder, I see another one just up the road in front a bit.
Paul springs from the SUV at the back with a bottle of water in hand. Fuck me, I’ve gutted and cut up human bodies like a bloody butcher and never once have I spilled my guts over that. But the image of Emily being beaten, being… raped. The thought of her having to endure that for years is too much. I want that fucker’s blood. The inferno that’s roaring inside me is the most intense I’ve ever felt.
I’m fucking losing it. Bending over, I’m clutching at my knees, trying to breathe through this. Attempting to calm the fucking beast within. I know I need to be the strong one here. I need to not let Emmy see me fall apart so easily. But fuck me, this is hard.
What’s worse? It’s all my fucking fault. If I hadn’t made her leave town, this would never have happened to her. I’ll never be able to forgive myself. How can I expect Emily to forgive me?
“Boss, you all right?” Paul asks, holding out the bottle of water towards me.
I take the bottle and swish some water around my mouth before spitting it out. “No, I’m obviously not fucking good,” I grunt out.
“Well, you might want to get over whatever it is real quick. We got company and that girl of yours needs to be out of sight.” He nods his head towards Emily, who is standing on the other side of the car, glaring straight at me with an expression I can’t read.
“Fuck!” Passing the water bottle back to Paul, I make my way over to Emmy. “Babe, you need to get back in the car.”
She just stares at me. I don’t like the blank look on her face. Why the fuck can’t I read what she’s thinking? I’ve always been able to. It’s like she’s shut down, closed off all emotions.
“Emmy, get in the fucking car, now.” I growl when she makes no effort to move. The moment the sound leaves the back of my throat, I know I fucked up again. I need to remember to be gentler with her. Right now, though, I need to get her back in the car and out of view. I see a black SUV coming up the road before slowing to a stop.
