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“Emmy, it’s not nothing. I can tell something’s on your mind. I can’t fix it for you if you don’t tell me.”
“You know you can’t fix everything, right?”
“Try me?”
“Oh my God, you’re relentless. Okay, I’m freaking out. Are you happy? I don’t know where the bloody hell you’re taking me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know what I’m supposed to wear. If I look okay or not. If you like my dress, if it’s too much… not enough? I don’t know what the rules are. How am I supposed to keep to the rules if I don’t know them?”
I’m yelling by the time I finish my tirade. I look up to see Josh’s blank face. Great, he’s got the I’m not giving you an expression face on. I hate that face. I can’t read that face. I’m trying to replay what I just said to him in my head. Did I say something I shouldn’t have?
Instinctively, I take a step to the side, trying to make space between us. The moment I do, that’s when I see a tiny flicker of emotion in his eyes. He’s annoyed. That’s a look I know well. It’s just not usually directed at me.
I wait him out. I don’t know what to say or do after my little outburst. So, I just stand here and wait, like a deer caught in the headlights. Josh holds up his hand, all five fingers pointed up in the air.
“First, when it comes to you, I will always be relentless.” He puts one finger down.
“Second, no, I’m not happy. I’m not happy because I can clearly see that you’re not. I can’t be happy when you’re not okay, Em. I won’t be happy until you are.” He releases a breath.
“Third, I was planning to take you to a nice restaurant, have dinner, candles and shit. But I’ve had a change of plans. I’m taking you to The Merge. We are going to let our hair down and let loose.” He puts another finger down.
“Fourth, you are fucking stunning in anything you wear. Whatever you choose to wear is the right thing. I cannot tell you enough how much I fucking love that dress on you. But if you hate it, then I hate it too. I want you to dress for you, Emmy, not anyone else.” Another finger goes down. All I can do is stand here and nod an acknowledgement.
“And Fifth… Rules? There are no rules, Emmy. You are the fucking queen of the McKinley Empire; you make the fucking rules. Do not, and I repeat, do not let any other fuckers try to tell you any differently.”
I don’t even know what to say. That is a lot to take in, the power he is giving me, the control to make my own choices. As much as I want to be able to do all the things he says I can do, make my own decisions, my own rules, I’m afraid I don’t know how to be that girl anymore. There’s a constant bit of doubt that lingers in the back of my head, telling me it’s just a trick, mind games.
What I can do is pretend. I’ve been getting better at pretending these last few weeks. I just need to keep doing it. I plaster a smile on my face, straighten my shoulders and fake the confidence that I don’t yet have.
“We’re going to the club Ella works at?” I ask excitedly. At least the enthusiasm is real. I’ve heard so much about The Merge. I’ve been wanting to go and see it for myself. According to Ella, it’s the hottest club in Sydney, not that I would know. It’s been years since I’ve been out, anywhere, let alone a nightclub.
Josh smirks and looks me up and down. “We are. But if you’d prefer, we can go to dinner.”
“Are you kidding me? I want to see this fancy nightclub I keep hearing about. Are you sure I look okay for that?” I ask, glancing down at my dress again.
“You look perfect. You are perfect. Now, let’s go.” Josh holds his arm out, indicating for me to go in front of him.
“Fuck, Jesus Christ to all that is holy.” He groans. I turn around, confused.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Hold on a sec. I just need to grab something real quick.” Josh walks into his closet. Moments later, he walks back out, wearing a shoulder holster over his dress shirt. He stops at a chest of drawers and pulls out what looks like a small armoury. He selects two handguns, securing them into the holster.
“Why do you need those?” I ask as he makes his way back over to me while throwing a jacket on. We’re only going to a nightclub.
“Babe, have you seen your ass in that dress? Every man in that place is going to have their eyes on you.”
My eyebrows rise to my hairline. “You’re joking, right? Josh, you can’t go around shooting people. Even if they did look at me, which I doubt they will, but if they did, you cannot shoot people in Ella’s club. It’ll leave a mess.”
“I’ll pay for the cleaning bill.” He laughs as he leads me out of the room with his hand on the small of my back.
