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Emily
Josh has cooked breakfast again. I have a full plate of bacon, eggs, hash browns and toast. I’m starting to think he doesn’t trust me to cook for him. But damn, this bacon is good. I can’t get enough of it right now.
“You do know I can cook, right? Maybe I should cook you breakfast one day,” I say around a mouthful of crispy bacon. Josh laughs and places another couple of pieces of bacon on my plate.
“Em, you don’t need to cook. I like doing things for you.”
“I’m going to get fat if you keep feeding me like this. You won’t be so keen on me when I’m the size of this house,” I point out.
“You could be the size of an elephant and I’d still fuck you just as much as I do now. I will love you no matter what you look like, babe.”
“Charming. But I think I’d like to cook for you. How about dinner? Tonight? What’s your favourite meal?” My eyebrows draw down at the realisation I don’t know what his favourite meal is. I should know something so simple. He seems to know everything about me… sometimes before I even do.
“Emmy, it’s okay. We are going to have the rest of our lives for you to be barefoot and pregnant in our kitchen. But if you insist on cooking me dinner, I like steak.” I almost choke on the bacon. I cough it up and it comes spitting out onto the bench.
“You-you want me to be p-pregnant?” I finally manage to get out.
“Well, I’m not opposed to the idea, but if you don’t want kids, Emmy, it’s okay too. We’ll get an alpaca.”
“I-I don’t know.” Shit, is it getting hotter in here? I can’t breathe. I pull at the collar of my top, moving it away from my throat. Looking around the room, I eye the door that leads to the outside. I can make it there. If I run really fast, I can make it to that door.
Just as I’m about to get up, Josh’s arms hug me tight to his chest. “Emmy, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’m right here. You are safe. Just breathe, Em.” He rocks me as he smooths his hand down my hair and whispers me promises that I know aren’t entirely true.
I’m not okay. I’m probably never going to be okay again. This is never going to stop. I thought I was finally starting to be better. This hasn’t happened for a while. But now, the mention of being pregnant has pushed me over the edge. The memory of the time I was so happy to find myself pregnant is vividly playing like a movie in my mind.
I wait the three minutes the box says it takes for the stick to show the results. Nervousness and excitement run through me as I sit here. It’s going to be okay. Whatever it says, it will be okay. Trent will be happy with a baby. Who doesn’t love babies?
Turning the stick over, my heart explodes with an unexpected feeling. I can’t pinpoint what it is, but I know it’s a good one. Two lines are visible on the display pad. Pregnant, I’m pregnant. I’m going to be someone’s mother.
I shake the thoughts from my mind. I cannot go back there. I won’t be that person again. The mother who was too weak to save her own unborn child from the hell her husband inflicted on her. I won’t do it.
“Emmy, what the fuck happened? You’ve been pregnant?” Josh keeps his voice soft, calm, even with his colourful choice of language.
I shake my head. “I-I can’t…” I try to lie. I try to tell him no, but the words won’t come out.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me right now.”
My whole body relaxes in his arms.
“Em, if you were to get knocked up, you know I’d take care of you, right? I’d make sure you had the best doctors. Your child would want for nothing.”
“My child? Josh, if I got knocked up, as you so eloquently call it, it would be your child too. I don’t see anyone else painting my walls with their seed around here, do you?” I’m not sure why I’m so riled up all of a sudden. It’s not like we haven’t had this conversation before…
“No one around here would be stupid enough to even try to get near your walls, Emmy. And yes, it would be my child, but I pray that our children have more of you than me in them. The world could use more angels like you.” He kisses my lips gently. I pull him down to deepen the kiss.
“Don’t mind me, kids.” Sam’s voice tears us apart. I glare at him. How dare he interrupt when I finally manage to find my happy place again. I’m aware that this co-dependency Josh and I have going on is anything but healthy. I just don’t care enough to do anything about it.
Sam laughs at my icy glare. “Emily, you’ve been around him too long. That stare is almost a perfect match for his.”
“Careful, mate, it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for,” Dean says as he digs into the fridge.
“Why are you here, Sam? It’s fucking Saturday,” Josh grunts, ignoring Dean’s comment.
“Ah, I need that fancy signature of yours on some documents for the Casey merger.”
I’ve heard that before. I’d bet there is no bloody Casey merger, and it’s some sort of boy’s code for: I’ve got shit to tell you, but not in front of others.
“I’ll meet you in the library in five,” Josh says.
