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“I’m coming with you,” Dean says.
“Someone has to get her back to your house, Dean. Get her home. I’ll arrange for extra security and I’ll text you where I am heading. You can meet me there.”
The doors to the lift ping open. Dean looks like he wants to argue more, but he simply nods his head.
“Come on. Ella, call Bray. Tell him he’s needed.” Dean holds the doors open for us. I look back to the judge, who is now standing in his office doorway. I don’t want to leave. Josh said he’d be here.
“Emily, we will come back, okay? As soon as we find him, we will be back here.” Dean’s voice is soft, although I pick up on his urgency to get me in the lift.
Numb, I’m numb. I want to fight and argue. I want to scream that he will be here, yet I find myself silently walking through the doors and following Dean and Sam’s lead.
* * *
It’smidnight and there’s still no sign of Josh. Sam and Dean still haven’t returned, although I’ve heard Ella on the phone to Dean a few times over the last several hours. All I can do is sit here and wait. Both Ella and Bray keep looking at me like I’m about to break. But they don’t know that I’m already broken. I am screaming on the inside.
I can feel something trying to seep out of my pores, something dark. I’ve never felt like this before. My skin itches and my mind’s locked on remembering the pin number Josh entered when he opened his armoury this morning. It’s not hard to recall the numbers he used. One, four, one, zero, one, four. It’s the date of our first time together.
I’m not sure why my mind is stuck on that room. Something is drawing me towards it though. I think about what Josh would be doing if I were the one out there somewhere. The possibilities of what happened, what could happen, endless… He wouldn’t just be sitting here waiting. No, he’d be out there burning down the town until he found me. He wouldn’t care how many bodies he left along the way. I just need to know where to start. If I knew where to start, I could come up with a plan. I could go and bring him back myself.
I keep watching the door, waiting for him to walk through. He’s going to walk through any minute now and wrap me in his arms. When the doors open, my heart stops as I watch Dean and Sam enter… without Josh. I look behind them but he’s not there.
Standing up, I walk over and search down the empty hallway. He’s not here. “Where is he?” I ask them, folding my arms around myself.
“Emily, we… ah. We…” Sam attempts. He can’t even look at me. I turn to Dean for an answer.
“Emily, we couldn’t find him. We found his car parked out front of an abandoned cottage. It’s an address Detective Jones was traced to this morning. We searched the house. Josh wasn’t there.” Dean averts his gaze. Ella slides up to his side and I watch as he wraps an arm around her shoulder.
“You’re not telling me something. What aren’t you telling me?” I won’t be kept in the dark. This isn’t something they can protect me from. I need to know. I need to find him.
“There was fresh blood in the entryway of the cottage. We don’t know whose it was. All we know is that Josh was there. His car was left there.”
“Well, we need to find him. He’s out there somewhere and he needs us to find him. We have to find him.” I let one tear slip. Swiping at the traitorous thing, I stiffen my spine.
“If you guys can’t find him, I will. I’m not going to sit around here and wait. If it were any of you out there, you all know Josh would be the first one on the hunt.”
I turn and head towards Josh’s room. Now that I know Detective Jones has something to do with it, I know what I need to do. It’s not Josh he wants. It’s me. My life for Josh’s is one I will gladly trade.
“Emily, wait. You have to let us get some more intel. We will find him. I won’t give up until we find him. Just give us time.” Sam follows me to the bedroom.
“And what if time is something he doesn’t have right now? What if he’s out there bleeding out somewhere, Sam. I won’t lose him. I can’t.” I slam the door and lock it. I don’t want anyone crowding me right now.
Taking out my phone, I open up the Facebook app. Detective Jones still hasn’t accepted my friend request. I go through the process of creating a new profile—one using my real name and picture. Once it’s set up, I send another friend request to Detective Jones. Clicking on the bubble icon, I type a private message. Please let this work.
Me: You have something I want back. Let’s talk. Emily
I put the phone down on the bedside table. Walking into Josh’s closet, I pull one of his shirts down, changing out of the white dress, the same one that was meant to hold happy memories. I scrunch it up and throw it into the bin in the corner of the room. I will never wear that again; it should be burned.
I crawl under the covers and lay my head down on Josh’s pillow. Inhaling, I can smell him. I know he’s still alive. I know he’s out there somewhere because if his heart had stopped beating, I would feel that. I would be able to tell. But I can still sense our connection. I’ve always felt the connection with Josh. Through all those years of torture with Trent, I could still feel Josh’s love for me. I cling to my phone, close my eyes and send up a prayer.
In the quiet, dark room, I let myself fall apart. Silent tears stream down my face. In the morning, I will be stronger. In the morning, I will be braver. In the morning, I will find him. And I will bring him home.
