AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Emily
Pregnant, could I actually be pregnant? How the hell did I let this happen? I swore I’d never let myself get pregnant again… after the last time. I couldn’t even protect an unborn baby. How am I meant to be a mother?
“Emmy, this isn’t anything you’ve done wrong. This isn’t your fault. Please don’t cry. I really fucking hate seeing you cry.” Josh wipes the tears from my face. Why isn’t he mad?
“I… how? Josh, you don’t understand. Last time I was pregnant, I couldn’t even protect my unborn baby. How am I meant to be a mother? I don’t know how.” I verbalize my internal fears.
“Em, you are going to be the most fierce, loyal mother this world has ever seen. What happened last time is not a reflection on you. Just a few weeks ago, look how you were so fearless you put yourself in front of a madman to save me. What do you think you’d do for a child who was ours?”
“I’m scared,” I admit to him. I’m so fucking terrified of not being a good mother.
“So am I. We can be scared together. We will learn how to do this together. I promise I will be here every step of the way with you.” Josh always says the right thing.
Sometimes I have to pinch myself; his love for me is beyond anything I ever could have imagined. His endless support for what I want, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
“Are you mad? Angry?” I ask him.
“I’m not angry. I’m not mad, Emmy. I’m… I actually don’t know how to explain it. It’s a different feeling from anything I’ve ever felt.” He looks contemplative, trying to figure out his emotions.
“What do you feel? Maybe I can help figure it out,” I offer.
“I feel like I need to protect someone who I’ve never met, someone who isn’t even here. We don’t even know if you are pregnant, Em, but I feel this need, this urge, to not let anything happen to that baby you’re growing. Don’t hate me, but I’m kind of hopeful that you are. The world could use more people like you in it. And I feel this overwhelming love. You know I love you with every fibre of my being, but this is a different kind of love. I don’t know how to explain it.” Josh looks down at our joined hands as I rub little circles around his palm with my thumb.
“I think what you’re describing is exactly what every parent feels. An unconditional love that knows no bounds. Do you really think we can do this? I mean, I might not be pregnant and we may be worrying about nothing. But if I am, we are going to be okay, right?”
“I have a good feeling that you are, and we are always going to be okay, Emmy.”
There’s a knock at the door. “Come in.” Josh unlocks the door and greets the doctor.
“Mr. McKinley, how’s the patient?” An older man with greying hair walks in, carrying a medical bag.
“Thanks for coming, doc. This is Emily. She’s better, I think,” Josh says.
“I’m fine. He really is overreacting. I’m sorry he wasted your time coming here.” I hop off the bed, much to Josh’s displeasure, and shake the doctor’s outstretched hand.
“I’m Dr. Kapner and I don’t mind coming out here at all. What seems to be the problem?” the doctor asks.
Shit, how do I tell him I need a pregnancy test? Joshua forced the doctor to do a house call for something we could have gotten from the supermarket.
“We need to start with a pregnancy test, doc,” Joshua says proudly.
“Emily, is there a chance you could be pregnant?” the doctor directs to me.
I nod my head. I can’t look him in the eye. Why am I suddenly so shy?
“Okay, well, let’s start with that, and then we can rule out anything else afterwards if need be.”
“Okay.”
The doctor rummages through his bag and pulls out a box. “Here you go. Just pee on the stick and wait a few minutes,” he says, handing the test to me.
“Thank you.” I walk into the bathroom. Just as I’m about to turn around, Josh walks in after me, guiding me backwards and shutting the door.
“What are you doing?” I ask him, mortified. He doesn’t think he’s actually going to watch me pee, does he?
“We are in this together, Emmy. I want to be there for everything. Including the whole peeing on the stick. So, come on, let’s do this.” He nods his head to the toilet.
“Ah, no. No way. you are not watching me pee, Joshua McKinley.” I place my hands on my hips and stomp my foot to get my point across.
