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‘I know it wouldn’t,’ she whispered, remembering with a shiver how total his rejection of her had been. The crush she’d harboured for him for so long, the desire he’d stirred in her, the culmination of her grief and need and wanting that had brought them together, and the way he’d dismissed her afterwards, showing her so clearly that she meant nothing to him. ‘One time with you was more than enough.’
‘Careful, agape. That sounds like a challenge.’
Her knees knocked together, unsteady and weak.
‘And the problem is, even when I know you are off limits, or should be, I find myself intrigued by that challenge, desperate to make you eat your words.’ He lifted a finger to her chin, holding her face towards his, so that every husky, warm breath she expelled brushed his lips like a caress. ‘Do you remember what it was like with us?’
‘I remember everything about that night,’ she whispered, eyes sweeping shut to hide the hurt that was still layered over her heart.
‘There is too much passion to ignore. I won’t marry you unless you accept the inevitable—otherwise we will both be in a hell of our own making.’
She groaned, desperately tempted, and also terrified, because Jonathan had destroyed beyond repair every normal emotion and sense she possessed. She was too broken by his betrayal to even contemplate sleeping with Alex. ‘How can you say that? You didn’t want me four years ago, why do you think you’re going to want me now?’
His eyes narrowed, his lips pursed tight as though he was physically restraining himself from speaking.
‘I’m serious, Alex. What happened between us was a stupid mistake. We both regretted it,’ she added, even when the words didn’t ring true for Tessa. Not completely. ‘Do you think anything is served by agreeing to sleep together again?’
‘It was a mistake,’ he agreed with a dip of his head. ‘But that isn’t to say it wasn’t also enjoyable.’
She flinched. Jonathan’s criticisms came barrelling towards her. She looked away, lips clamped tight.
‘I was there, remember? You didn’t seem like a man who enjoyed anything about what we did.’
His expression didn’t change. ‘I regretted sleeping with you because of who you are. It had nothing to do with the sex itself.’
‘I thought it was “awful”?’
A frown gashed over his face. ‘It was.’
Her laugh was a strangled sound. ‘Lovely. Thanks for that.’ Just what she needed!
‘The fact we slept together was awful. You are Stavros’s baby sister—how did you expect me to react?’
Her heart kicked up a notch as she contemplated that. For years she’d believed his insult had been a reflection on the experience, rather than the circumstances surrounding it. ‘I betrayed him. How could I take pleasure in that?’
‘And now?’ she pushed. ‘You don’t seem to have that reservation any more.’
‘You’re wrong,’ he responded, nostrils flaring as he expelled a sharp breath. ‘But I am also a realist. If I marry you, it will be to help you, and your parents, and I have to believe Stavros would want me to do what I could. But there is no marriage if we cannot acknowledge that what drove us together that night still exists between us.’
Her lips parted as she searched for how to respond. That night was still a source of too much pain. She looked over his shoulder, stomach twisted into knots. ‘Are you saying you’ll marry me if I agree to sleep with you?’
‘No.’ The word was darkly uttered. ‘I’m saying this marriage will only work if you admit sex is going to happen between us, whether that’s convenient or not. I don’t want to go through the emotional upheaval of having you come to terms with that side of our relationship once we are married. We are two consenting adults—if we choose to indulge our bodies’ needs, then that’s not a big deal. As with that night, it would mean nothing.’
She pulled away from him, her heart racing, because everything he’d said was anathema to her. Sex mattered. It had always mattered to Tessa. It was a large part of why her marriage had failed—how could she sleep with a man who treated her so badly? Whom she didn’t love?
‘Is there anything else?’ she whispered, wrapping her arms around her body.
‘Are you saying you accept what I have said?’
‘I’m just getting a full picture of what you want before I decide,’ she corrected unevenly, body already tingling at the prospect of his suggestion.
‘There is one other thing.’
Slowly she looked at him, heart in her throat.
‘My father died six months ago.’
She nodded. ‘I heard. My mother mentioned...’ She tapered off into nothing, unsure how to offer condolences.
