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Every cell in his body turned to ice. “We’ve discussed the necessity of that.”
“Yes, we have, but I haven’t made my case clear. I can’t marry you. At least, I can’t be married to you.”
“You’re speaking in riddles.”
“You need this baby to be born while we’re married, so that he or she is your legitimate heir. I do understand that. It’s a reasonable consideration. But in the middle of this mess, I know one thing: marriage to you – long term – would destroy me. I’d be miserable, and that would be bad for our child. You say you want to make me happy?”
Zafar had the unpleasant suspicion he was being backed into a corner. It was best, then, to say as little as possible. He regarded her through eyes like flint, an expression that gave nothing away.
“After our baby is born, I want a divorce.”
His first reaction was fierce – a twisting low in his gut, a rejection of a word that spoke, to Zafar, of failure. “No.”
“Think about it,” she murmured with urgency. “It’s the only way we can all get what we want. I’ll marry you so our child is the legitimate heir, but there’s no way I’m tethering myself to you for the rest of my life.”
“Our baby does that.”
“Yes,” she brushed his comment aside. “When my brother died, I made myself a promise: that I would live my life for him, as well. Truly live it, Zafar. Live, love, not just exist.” She furrowed her brow, so focussed on what she was saying that she didn’t observe the way his own face changed, his features assuming a look of compassion and angst. “I don’t believe in fairytales any more, nor a fairytale happy ending, but I do believe I deserve better than this. To resign myself to a life with a man who is incapable of love? Incapable of warmth? I’d hate it, and it’s not fair of you to ask it of me, and I promised Jack I’d do better.”
How could he respond to that? Invoking her much loved, deceased brother made him want to throw this whole plan out of the window and acquiesce to whatever the hell she wanted. But her pregnancy made that impossible, so he drew himself up to his full height and focussed on what mattered most here. “This is not just about your wishes.”
“It can be about all our wishes,” she responded with the appearance of calm. “Why would you fight me on this point? You don’t want to be married to me either.”
It was true, he’d never intended to marry, and yet the fact that she was pregnant changed everything. “You forget, Amelia, that my child will be raised here in Abu Qara, as heir to the throne. Any other reality is impossible. Would you really go back to England and leave the baby here with me?”
She ground her teeth together, her eyes loaded with hatred. “Blackmail?” She shook her head. “I don’t know why I expected better of you.” She paced across the room, pulling her hair over one shoulder, stopping just in front of the doors that led to the balcony, so silver moonlight washed over her frame. “I’m mindful of your needs. I’ll stay in Abu Qara. I can live in the city, near enough to share custody successfully, like many other divorced parents do all over the world.”
He stared at her, his mind hitting a wall. Her proposition was entirely reasonable. In fact, he was surprised he hadn’t come up with it himself.
“These are the only terms I’ll consider. I’ll be your wife for the next four months, but once the baby is born, I expect you to file the paperwork. I’m not prepared to negotiate on this point, Zafar; this is the deal. Take it or leave it.”
* * *
They hadn’t spokensince the balcony, two nights ago. He’d sent messages through an intermediary, a trusted servant named Bashir, who was kind and gentle, and smiled at Millie as though he understood the tightrope she was walking. All of his messages pertained to the details of their wedding. There were marriage contracts to be reviewed. Zafar had engaged a top law firm in New York to act on her behalf. They corresponded with some modifications, namely to the terms of any financial settlement, which given his exorbitant wealth, Zafar didn’t trifle with. Custody arrangements had been written into the contracts. They were phrased as a hypothetical but they both knew what they were: a foreshadowing of what was to come in a few months’ time. In the instance of separation of divorce, any and all children, will be raised between the parents. Custody to be split in half, with both parties remaining within a twenty mile radius of the palace of Abu Qara. Permission must be sought and granted for the child/ren’s international travel.
She hated this. Despite the fact she’d outgrown her juvenile fantasies, she’d still hoped she might, one day, meet a man who was safe and reasonable, a man who made her believe in love and promises all over again. In the back of her mind, she’d wished for marriage and a family, the dream she’d cherished while she was growing up as real to Millie now as ever. Instead, she was going to be stranded in a foreign country with a cold-as-ice ex-husband and a child she only got to see half of the time. But it was better than the alternative. Marriage to Zafar would eat away at her until there was nothing left. It was too risky. She’d loved him once before and though she had every intention of guarding against that, she knew herself well enough to know there was still a chance she’d forget. She knew enough of his powerful charisma and magnetism to understand the dangers lurking in every minute she spent with him.
A knock sounded at her door and she cast a glance at her wristwatch. It was still too early – an hour before the signing was set to take place. Given their plan to pass the wedding off as something that had existed for some time, the ceremony would be very small. Just Zafar, Bashir and a legal officiant. Hardly the wedding of her dreams, but c’est la vie. It no longer mattered.
She paused briefly to inspect her reflection, her heart racing with nerves and adrenaline. The dress was simple and floaty, a turquoise colour that made her eyes shimmer like a desert oasis. She’d pinned her hair into a bun high on her head, and painted her nails a creamy pink colour before wishing she hadn’t – it was silly and girly, and somehow invested with hopes for that dreaded happily ever after he was adamant didn’t exist. She held her own eyes in the mirror and was surprised by what she saw there. Courage. Determination. And confidence that she was doing the right thing. Their baby would be loved – of that she was certain. While Zafar might not believe in romantic love, she’d seen him with his siblings and friends. She knew that he was capable of deep love and loyalty, and that their son or daughter would adore him.
Turning away from the mirror, she ignored the small stab of pain in the region of her heart as she realised, for the first time, that their love was something she would always be excluded from. Zafar would love their child, and he or she would love Zafar, but Millie wouldn’t be a part of that.
She drew the door inwards, a frown on her face that deepened when she saw Farrah on the other side.
“Hi,” the other woman’s voice was tentative.
“Farrah? What are you doing here?”
Farrah lifted her shoulder. “You didn’t think I’d let my best friend get married without me, did you?”
Millie’s jaw dropped. “But you — you don’t approve.”
“No,” she murmured, moving into the apartment and reaching for Millie’s hands. “I’m worried about you,” she said quietly. “I know you, dearest. You are kind and gentle and faithful and trusting. You have a huge heart and if you gave it to that thick-headed brother of mine once, I can’t believe you won’t do the same thing again. And I know he’ll never give you what you want,” she rushed to blurt out. “I’m so worried that he’ll hurt you all over again, that you’ll be miserable here.”
Millie couldn’t tell her best friend that she’d protect herself from that risk by putting a time limit on their marriage. It was the smartest thing she could have done, given the circumstances.
“But I also know how smart you are,” Farrah continued. “If you want to do this, then I trust you. And I’m here for you, come what may. Never forget that. I’m not the Sheikh, but I’m a princess and I have a bit of political clout too. If he makes you unhappy, I will make him pay. Okay?”
