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“Good. I’m glad you agree. So why don’t I outline what I’ve been thinking?”
He raised a single, thick brow, his features assuming a mask of indolent interest. “By all means,” he gestured to the chair once more, as he took the seat opposite, stretching his long legs out in front of him and crossing them at the ankles – a study in relaxation. Because none of this meant anything to him, just as it hadn’t back then. His heart was cold, untouched and untouchable; this was simply a matter he felt obliged to resolve, nothing more.
She sat down, hands folded neatly in her lap, feet pressed together primly. Perhaps if she exuded control, she’d feel more of it?
“You were very clear about not wanting children,” she said slowly.
“As clear as you were that you wanted them.”
She wished he wouldn’t look at her so intently. It was hard to hold her train of thought.
“Yes,” she agreed after a pause. “I’ve always known I wanted to be a mum, though not, ideally, under these circumstances.” She offered him a bitter half-smile.
“You wanted the fairy tale.” The words were tinged with cynicism, as though wanting such things was somehow not worthy of her.
It was safer not to talk about what she’d wanted then, back when she believed that all was possible in the world, that her heart could have whatever it desired.
“When I discovered that I’d conceived, I didn’t really think about you,” she lied. “I never saw this as ‘our’ baby. I still don’t. The night after the funeral was — a mistake — a meaningless slip back into the past because you were grieving. The fact a baby resulted from it doesn’t change the fact that we’re just two strangers now.” She fiddled with her fingers, hating the feel of these words in her mouth. She’d loved him so much, once upon a time, before she’d known what a heartless bastard he really was. “It doesn’t change what you want in your life, Zafar, and I get that. There is precisely zero obligation on you here. I don’t need anything from you.”
The only sign he’d even heard what she’d said was the flaring of his nostrils. His eyes stayed trained on her face, his features a mask of steel.
“The baby will be fine. I’ll be fine.” She crossed the fingers of one hand beneath the other. She would be fine. She had a job, and if it weren’t for the fact she was helping support her mother and pay off Jack’s medical debts, she’d be able to manage well enough. But given her financial commitments, it was almost impossible to see her way through this. Nonetheless, Zafar didn’t need to know any of that. “This is really nothing to do with you.”
“I see,” he murmured, and if she’d been less focussed on her own nerves, she might have sensed the danger in the determinedly cool tone of his voice. But she didn’t, so Millie continued, anxious to finish this conversation and put some distance between them once more.
“My mother will be able to help with the baby, so I can return to work after a couple of months. I’ll be okay.”
“You’ve thought of everything.” His eyes flashed with something for a moment. “Then again, you’ve had months to formulate a plan, whereas I have had,” he looked at his own watch, “six hours.”
For the first time, she realised that he was angry. It was zipping just beneath the surface, but it was unmistakable, and it startled her, because of all the things she thought he might feel, anger was not one of them.
“I understand,” she said softly. “You want more time. It’s a lot to process.” Leaning back in her chair, she crossed one leg over the other. “I’m flying out tomorrow; there’s no need to discuss this now. Why don’t we schedule a phone conversation in a couple of weeks? By then you’ll have had an opportunity to get your head around it all.”
“My head is ‘around’ it just fine,” he responded firmly. “Though my plans are somewhat less detailed, the nature of them is determined enough to inform you of right now.”
‘Inform you of’. Not, ‘discuss with you’. Inwardly, she braced for whatever was coming.
“The idea of having children is anathema to me.” His pronouncement was grim. “I knew a very long time ago that I don’t want this,” his eyes dropped towards her belly. “But that was when the issue was purely theoretical. Regrettably, we’ve moved beyond that. You’re pregnant, and I’m the father. I no longer have the luxury of thinking about what I ‘want’. The baby’s needs must come first.”
“The baby’s needs will be cared for,” she rushed to reassure him.
“It was a long time ago that we were together,” he said after a moment. “Four and a half years. Perhaps you’ve forgotten what you knew of me then,” he said. “But if you think I am the kind of man to neglect my responsibilities, then you are mistaken.”
Given her own upbringing, she should have felt relief that he was showing an interest in being a part of their child’s life, but it only complicated things and Millie hadn’t anticipated this.
His eyes glittered with fierce determination. “I will not have my child raised to believe his father didn’t want him. I will not risk another man taking my place in the child’s heart. I will not allow you to flee to the English countryside and pretend some random sperm donor impregnated you. That is my child and I want him right here.”
“Or her,” she spat, her voice wobbling. She wasn’t capable of saying anything else just yet. Her hands wrapped around the ornately carved armrests, her pulse spiking.
“Or her,” he agreed instantly, expelling a harsh sigh. “I do not particularly care if it is a boy or a girl, only that they are healthy.”
It was all happening so fast. His words were like miniature bombs detonating in her brain. She chewed on her lip, trying to make sense of it. “You’re the Sheikh now. You can’t just ‘raise’ a baby. I know Abu Qara is reasonably progressive but an illegitimate child would never be accepted as your heir, right? My child would never have a true place in your kingdom – do you think that’s fair?”
Something flecked in the depths of his eyes, an emotion she didn’t understand.
“No.”
She concealed her surprise. “Then you must see the impossibility of you raising our baby. Obviously, I have to do that, back in England, away from all of this.” She gestured to the room they were in, the grandiose fittings overwhelming in that moment.
