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‘You regretted sleeping with me.’
‘Do you blame me? I’d wanted you, but I knew what that would mean to Luca, if he ever found out. I couldn’t tell him—that would betray you—and so I knew I had to hide the truth, that I would have to live with the guilt of betraying him.’
‘My sex life has nothing to do with my brother-in-law,’ she shouted, so Starbuck weaved between her legs and made a low, reproachful growling noise towards Alejandro. She patted the dog’s head to calm her.
‘I know that. The situation was complicated. I resolved to leave you alone, even though I thought of you every night.’
‘Oh, come on, Alejandro. I might have been a virgin but I’m not that naïve. I know what you’re like. I’m sure you found ways to console yourself after the wedding, other women to distract yourself with.’
‘No,’ he denied vehemently. ‘There has been no one since I met you. I went out with some women, in a stupid, misguided attempt to push you from my mind, but I did not so much as touch my companions. I couldn’t. I craved you,Sienna, and anyone else would have been a very poor substitute.’
‘Am I supposed to be flattered by that?’ Her voice shook, because the truth was she didn’t know what to make of his confession, but it did succeed in touching something deep inside her.
‘I’m just trying to explain why I hesitated. You arrived in my office and I wanted to rip your clothes off your body, but I’d been living with guilt, trying to balance what I’d promised Luca, what I knew about you, with what you and I both wanted. I walked a tightrope the entire time together, but that doesn’t change the fact that being with you was the most meaningful thing I’ve ever done.’
She spun away from him, no longer able to see him, to hear him. It was too much. Tears spilled down her cheeks, thudding against her breasts. She dashed them away but more sprang up, rolling with abandon over her face.
‘I wanted you. For you. Nothing else mattered. And yet I’d spent my whole life convinced that I would never fall in love, never get married, never live a normal life. I sure as hell never wanted to be depended on, to let someone love me. Do you think any of that mattered? Intentions don’t mean a damn, it turns out, when it comes to love.’
She stopped walking and dropped her head, not trusting her brain to properly decode what he was saying, not trusting herself to hope.
‘I tried so hard not to love you, but what hope did I have? From the first moment we met, my heart was yours, and I know it will be always, whether you come home to Spain with me or not.’
She was shivering uncontrollably, his words rolling through her, but there was panic too, and despair, because she’d made herself a promise as a teenager and she couldn’t think of abandoning it. ‘I can’t.’ She sobbed.
‘Right.’ He nodded once, surprise in his eyes, but it was quickly hidden behind a mask of calm. ‘I expected that would be your answer, but I needed to tell you. These last few weeks, it’s been building like a weight on top of me, so all I could think of was telling you how I feel. I love you. I need you in my life.’
‘And I need to get married, and I know that’s not something you’ll ever want, and I accept that. I knew it about you from the start, but it’s only going to get harder to leave you if we prolong this. You’re not the only one who’s struggled these last six weeks. I have been devastated. You talk about the world growing bright? All the lights have gone out for me. I’ve barely been existing. What would that feel like in a month’s time? In six months? When you get sick of me and realise that your first impulse was right, that you’re not into celibacy and happily ever after? I can’t do it. I can’t walk away from you again.’
‘You misunderstand me. I’m not asking you to walk away. I’m asking you to walk into my arms and stay there for the rest of your life. I’m asking you—no, I’m begging you to marry me, Sienna. Whenever, wherever you would like. I cannot imagine my life without you in it.’
She pressed a hand to her mouth, to stop her sob from ringing out through the orchard.
But could she really hope this was happening? Could she really trust him?
‘I thought Luca was crazy. He and I have always hated the idea of marriage, but now I see how stupid I’ve been. Marriage is irrelevant—it’s the person you pledge to spend your life with, and all I can think about is wanting you with me. I want to shower you in love, to dote on you, to sleep with you over and over and over again, to work with you, to see you take my charity and turn it into something that changes the world. I want to live with you, to live my life, spend my days, enriched by you and supporting you. Not because I pity you. I never have. But because I need you, and I love you, and, frankly, I worship you.’
How could she answer? How could she find words?
‘I thought of you as soon as I saw this.’ He reached into his pocket, pulling out the emerald necklace. ‘It is just like you—strong, unique, elemental and perfect.’ He reached into his other pocket, removing another velvet pouch. ‘But then I saw this, and I knew I couldn’t come here without bringing it, regardless of your answer.’
He handed it to her and as their fingertips brushed a rush of heat spread through her body, tightening her stomach. She tilted it into her hand without looking, just as she had the first time he’d given her jewellery. But the weight of this demanded her attention, and when she looked down it was to see the most enormous solitaire diamond, surrounded by a circlet of black diamonds.
‘My answer? I’m not sure I heard you actually ask a question.’
He lifted a brow, and for the first time since arriving he looked like himself. Almost relaxed, even.
‘You’re right, of course. How foolish of me.’ He dropped to one knee, right in front of her, and Starbuck gave him an affectionate sniff. Alejandro laughed gruffly, patting the dog’s head, before lifting a hand to Sienna’s and holding it in his. ‘I came here to explain, but mainly, I came to tell you that I love you and that all I can think about, all I’ve wanted for a long time, is for you to become my wife. Sienna Thornton-Rose, would you consider marrying me?’
She was silent, not because she didn’t want to speak, but because she struggled to find the words.
‘You don’t have to answer straight away.’ He stood, the relaxation gone, hesitation replacing it, so she ached all over because she loved him so much, and he was still suffering, with no idea how she felt.
‘I can’t,’ she explained in a rush, so he nodded, his shoulders tense as he took a backwards step.
‘Right.’
‘No.’ She laughed unevenly. ‘I mean, I can’t answer straight away. I don’t know how to. That is to say, I don’t know—you were so eloquent, and I have no words, I just know that I want—that I—’ She shook her head in frustration.
