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“You sure?” I asked slowly. “I mean, we don’t act like a couple,” I said hesitantly. “We don’t hold hands or anything like that.”
But Jonah just scoffed.
“Seriously Ally, you’re so behind. I thought you were a modern woman, that you wouldn’t buy into traditional expressions of love and affection. It’s so antiquated and gendered, I really thought you’d be beyond that, with the deep insight and outward vision to look beyond traditional manifestations of affection.”
I was silent for a moment, trying to absorb what he was saying. All the mumbo jumbo was confusing, and it was like he’d planned it, memorizing the speech from a textbook. What the hell, why couldn’t he use plain English? I was just about to say no thanks, put the kibosh on it, when Jonah took me by surprise. He leaned over and planted one on my lips, slobbery and wet, kinda like a fuzzy puppy giving a doggie kiss.
“Mmmph!” I drew back, surprised more than anything. But Jonah just went in for it even more.
“Oh baby,” he muttered between licking my cheeks like the aforementioned dog, “oh baby, you’re so sweet, so beautiful.”
And I jerked back then, ready to put this to rest once and for all, I definitely, absolutely could not be his girlfriend seeing that I wasn’t attracted to him one bit. But at that very moment, the door to his room opened and my friend Penny burst in. Oh shit, that’s right we were studying with Penny for the final, and I’d forgotten that she was joining us a little late, after her other study group.
“Oh my god!” she shrieked, eyes going wide, hand covering her mouth. “Oh my god, oh my god, it’s true! You guys are in love! Everyone said, but I didn’t believe it.”
And Jonah took the opportunity to put his arm around me possessively.
“Yeah, Ally and I just decided to make it formal,” he said proudly, as if announcing a prize he’d just won. “She’s officially my girlfriend now.”
Penny giggled again, putting her backpack down.
“This is so awesome, two of my study buddies are now a couple, very cool. By the way, I can still study with you guys, right? I mean, I’m not excluded or anything, seeing that you two are lovebirds?”
And I took a deep breath to correct her, to jump in and right the situation, but Jonah cut me off again.
“Of course,” he said like he was an archduke granting favors. “Ally and I, we’re not going to be one of those recluse couples who disappear, we’re still gonna go out and party with everyone else, we’re normal people.”
And this time I really had to jump in, but Penny cut me off. It was like this was a conversation between two people, and I was an invisible third wheel.
“Very cool, very cool, I like very much,” she nodded approvingly. “Don’t you go dropping off the face of the earth now that you’ve got this hunk of love,” she mock-reprimanded me. “You’re so lucky, you know Hudson is like seventy percent women and thirty percent guys, plus most of the guys we know are gay,” she wrinkled her nose.
Then I had to correct her.
“Penny, Hudson is fifty-fifty, you know that, it’s just that we’re communications majors, so most people in our classes are women.”
“That’s it exactly,” she said, nodding fervently. “Nothing but women around here, you’re so lucky to have Jonah.”
And my “boyfriend” was preening now, basking under the praise, running one hand through his curls like a movie star about to have his picture taken. I really wanted to stop this charade, I didn’t feel even an iota of attraction to the boy, but Penny’s words stopped me short. Jonah was one of the few men who populated our classes, and come to think of it, there were a lot of women who’d give their right arms to have a boyfriend, even one who was tiny with a fragile ego. So I stopped myself from breaking it off. I was at college to get experience, to be exposed to the wider world, and dating men was part of it, right? Because certainly no one else had asked me out, there were no other males on the horizon, no one that I talked to on a regular basis. So maybe I’d give it a night, I’d sleep on it and see how I felt tomorrow.
But tomorrow became the day after, which became next week, which became next month. And soon enough, I’d been Jonah’s girlfriend for an entire two months, with an invitation to his dad’s place for Thanksgiving.
“You sure?” I asked tentatively. “I mean, it’s kinda soon after, you know, the divorce and all.”
But Jonah batted his hand like Miss America doing a wave.
“Even more reason for us to go,” he said airily. “Otherwise Robert’s home by himself for Thanksgiving.”
