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All of that confession was one hundred percent true.
“So go get it. Nothing’s stopping you.”
“You’re right. Nothing’s stopping me,” I murmured. “Except myself.” I hesitated for a second, then added, “The same as you.”
“But you want it. I don’t.”
“You do, Chase. You’re just trying to convince yourself you don’t. You shouldn’t starve yourself from enjoying intimacy or another’s touch. You know you can have that without getting tangled up in a relationship, right?” Hint, hint.
“Simply having sex with someone can get complicated.”
“It can, but only if you let it. Did you ever hear of friends with benefits?”
“That can get messy, too.”
“True. It could.” Anything to do with sex or intimacy could. But it was better than avoiding it completely. “Did you ever think that risk could be worth the reward?”
He surged to his feet because I was pushing him into a zone he wasn’t comfortable with. He strode over to the windows overlooking the lake and stared out, keeping his back to me.
Timber had lifted his head and released a little noise but as soon as he made sure both Chase and I were still close by, he tucked his nose back into his fluffy tail, closed his eyes again and let out a soft, satisfied groan.
I ran my hand down his back. “I remember everything about the kiss now, Chase. I remember how it started out. Yes, at first you were surprised but then you were into it. Until you remembered you shouldn’t be. That stems from guilt. Do you think you’re cheating on his memory? If so, you’re not.”
“Don’t try to analyze me.”
I never lost a significant other, but after reading Thomas’s obituary, I had thought long and hard about how that might feel. Losing your life partner, your soulmate. The person you vowed your fidelity to for the rest of your life.
Thomas was gone, but Chase had been left behind. Their “forever” had been cut too short. I didn’t know how or why, but that part didn’t matter. What mattered was how Chase had taken that loss.
Not well. That was to be expected. But to still be so stuck after two years?
Either Thomas had to be his love of a lifetime or he was blaming himself for his husband’s death for some reason.
“I’m only telling you what I see. What you’re blind to.”
“What you’re saying is, you think I should have sex with you.” He still stood in front of the window staring out, but now he was white-knuckling the frame with both hands.
“Well… I mean… I wasn’t volunteering to be a fuck buddy but… Hell… I wouldn’t say no. But I’m talking about with anyone you find yourself attracted to, not me.”
“Good, because I’m not attracted to you.”
I grinned at his back. “Do you think I believe that? Or are you trying to convince yourself?”
He spun around. His expression hard, his eyes even sharper. “You seem fine now. It’s time for you to leave.”
Damn it. I might have pushed a touch too far.
But it was a step. It might be a small step but it was better than nothing and I believed it was in the right direction.
However, it was hard to tell since Chase blew hot and cold.
I was hoping to get more of the hot from him but it would take time.
Luckily, I had all the time in the world.
CHAPTER 11
Chase
I kept my shit together when I helped Rett and his dog out to his truck.
I kept it together when I watched him drive away.
I kept it together as I walked back up the porch and into my quiet cabin.
No dog. No Rett.
Just me and my thoughts.
When I got back inside, I spotted the manila envelope, along with the box of red pens, on my table and beelined to it because I needed something to distract me.
From the man. From the kiss.
From the fact I could’ve easily gotten lost in Rett simply by us pressing our lips together.
I also needed to find something to help keep my shit together. If I couldn’t find my words today for my current book, then diving into his manuscript might help.
Because the very edges of my tight control were beginning to fray. And I didn’t want to keep picking at that loose thread like the one on my comforter.
The one Rett had been lying on.
Due to me injuring him.
I hadn’t meant to but I hadn’t lied when I told Rett I panicked.
I definitely panicked. Not because he kissed me without asking, but because if I hadn’t shoved him away, I would have taken that kiss further.
And that would be dangerous.
Rett was dangerous.
The fact was, I wanted him.
The fact remained, I couldn’t have him.
The man had mentioned being “fuck buddies.” I wasn’t sure if he was serious about that or was even offering, but if he was, I wasn’t jumping on the offer.
