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More silence.
We’re the only two gay men in Eagle’s Landing, I reminded him.
Just because we’re both gay doesn’t mean we should be friends.
I didn’t say anything about being friends. I was aiming for the gold and would accept being friends as a participation trophy if I failed to win.
It doesn’t mean we should have sex, either.
It could be a stress-reliever, or a good way to fight writer’s block.
Why would you want to fuck me? I’m a miserable prick, remember? Or have you forgotten that?
But I’ve SEEN your prick. Heart-eyes emoji.
It was cold in the water. Turtle emoji.
I KNOW. That’s what I’m saying. Eggplant emoji.
Bigger isn’t always better. Wincing emoji.
Speak for yourself. Mouth zippered shut emoji.
I am, he responded back.
You’re a bottom? I asked and followed with three shock-faced emojis.
Goodnight.
WAIT!
Give it up, Peabody.
Never, Foster. I barked out a laugh and once again woke up Timber.
I stared at my phone and waited.
That couldn’t be it. Our conversation was actually going well. I now held out hope that things were improving with him. Even better, between us.
I quickly asked Have you always been out? to try to keep the conversation going.
It took forever to get a response but my heart raced when it finally came through.
Since fifteen. When I told my parents I like other boys.
And? I wanted to keep him talking.
I jumped out of my skin when my phone actually rang. I couldn’t slide my finger across the screen fast enough to answer it. I held my breath as I put him on speakerphone.
For a few seconds I thought he dialed me by mistake since there was nothing but more silence.
The man was nothing if not predictably frustrating.
His deep voice rumbled through the phone. “At first they told me I was confused and just going through a phase.” He barked out a harsh laugh. “I’d outgrow it.”
Holy shit. He actually gave me a piece of personal information. Was I really breaking down his walls?
Even better, he called me. Or was I really asleep and only dreaming this? One more fantasy in a long list of them.
“Timber, am I sleeping or is this really happening?” I whispered.
“What?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.” Shit. Don’t blow this, Rett. “Does that mean your parents weren’t supportive?”
He released a soft sigh on the other end of the phone. “They were eventually, but it took some time. After a while, they realized it wasn’t a phase I was going through due to teenage hormones and would outgrow it. Especially after I married…” His voice drifted off.
I wasn’t sure if Chase was aware of it, but he spun the wedding band on his left hand often. The one he still wore even though he was no longer married and was officially a widower. I was sure though, in his heart, he’d always consider himself a husband to the love of his life.
I’d probably do the same if I had lost my soulmate.
“When you got married.” I said it in a way that completed the sentence instead of leaving it hanging.
I wouldn’t force him to say his husband’s name. Not since the memory was still so raw.
“Yes,” he answered. “Getting married convinced them that I was never changing my mind. At first they thought it was my decision to be gay, to be different. You and I know that’s not how it works.”
So true. People who thought it was a choice were dead wrong. And if the people surrounding them didn’t accept that, it could be deadly.
One day someone’s sexual preferences wouldn’t matter and nobody would find themselves marginalized but that wouldn’t be in our lifetime, unfortunately. Plenty of bigots still remained out there who wouldn’t accept anyone different from themselves.
That was one reason why I had kept my sexuality secret from the residents of Eagle’s Landing. I didn’t want to risk my relationships with them. While some would be accepting, I worried some would not. Even though that wouldn’t be a me problem, but a them problem, I’d still have to deal with any prejudices.
Chase’s, “They’re okay with it now,” brought me back to our conversation. “They were very supportive when I lost…” He sucked in a breath. “When I became a widower.”
“Are they close by? Or were they close by when you lived in Jericho?”
Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the town he used to live in, it might remind him that I knew more about him than he wanted me to.
He had come to Eagle’s Landing to be anonymous. I had ruined that for him.
After a slight hesitation, he answered, “No. They retired a while ago to Panama, believe it or not. It was more affordable than staying here in the States. I visit when I can and call them often. They’ve finally figured out how to video chat without being on mute the whole time or cutting off their heads so I’m looking at their chests while we’re talking. They’re living their best life as ex-pats and enjoying their retirement. I’m happy for them.”
