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I lifted my gaze from his cock to his face. “What you’re saying is, you don’t want me to touch you.”
“Screw that! Of course I want you to touch me. I’ve fantasized about this moment since the first time you walked into my bookstore. See? That’s the problem. Because I have fantasized about this moment, and now that it’s really happening… I’m not going to lie…” His head flopped back to the bed, breaking our eye contact. “I’ll be like a twelve-year-old boy having a nocturnal wet dream.”
“Then, you don’t want me to lick your cock or suck the head clean?”
He went completely still and after a second, his head popped back up. “Only if you insist.”
Once again our gazes locked, and while they were, I lowered my head and took him into my mouth.
I wanted to make sure I kept my eyes open for this. While sucking him. Even when it came to fucking him. I wanted to keep my brain straight and not allow it to mix up who I was with and who I wasn’t.
I did not want to forget for one second that this was Rett. I needed to make sure it was only the two of us in the room.
No one else belonged here with us.
Just you and him, Chase. No one else. Take this time and let yourself forget. Let yourself enjoy this. Enjoy him. He’s willing. He wants this. He wants you.
Show him how much—despite how you come off—that you want him, too.
Unbury the old Chase, the whole one from before, and temporarily bury the broken one.
Even if it’s only for tonight.
Give him this.
Give this to yourself.
It’ll be another step toward healing, no matter how much you think you should continue to suffer.
He was right. You punish yourself over something you didn’t have a lot of control over. You thought you did, but you were proven wrong.
When I opened my throat and practically swallowed him to the root, his hips surged off the bed and his fingers twisted in the sheets on either side of his hips.
“Holy shit,” he groaned.
Again, I took him as deep as possible, almost to the sac, only stopping right before I’d choke or gag. He blew out a loud breath, followed by another groan. That encouraged me to continue working my mouth up and down his hard length, sucking and licking, even using my teeth to scrape along the sensitive head.
For a few seconds, I concentrated on the crown by running my tongue around the edge, sucking on the tip for a few seconds to collect the tang, before using the flat of my tongue to follow the path of the thick, pulsing ridge along the underside.
The thin, satin-like skin tasted slightly salty. Wrapping two fingers around the base, I squeezed until the veins popped before taking his whole length into my mouth again.
This time he whimpered and slammed both palms onto the mattress as his cock, hips and legs twitched around me.
His next words sounded winded and were broken up between each bob of my head. “If you make me come…” I took him all the way in. “I won’t be able to fuck you…” I let him slip from my mouth until I hovered over the meaty head. “At least for a while…” I paused as he finished, “I don’t know about you, but it takes me a lot longer to recover now that I’m in my forties.”
It was the same with me, but…
I released him. “You’re not fucking me.” We might as well get that straight now and not wait until it was too late. Just in case it became a major issue.
When his head lifted, dark eyes landed on mine and stuck. I stared back, waiting for him to challenge what I said.
I shouldn’t have been surprised when he didn’t. That made me guess that even if he didn’t bottom regularly, he would make an exception tonight.
For me.
Otherwise, he might lose out on having sex completely.
He wanted this more than I did, that was clear. Even though, right now, I was willing to give him what he wanted. But for him to get that, I planned on taking what I wanted in exchange.
When his head flopped back to the bed, I drew the corners of my mouth down to keep them from lifting into a grin.
After hooking my arms under his thighs, I used my shoulders to shove his knees into his chest.
His head popped up again. “What…”
I ignored him, instead focusing on what was only inches from my face.
Starting just under the rim of his crown, I traced the tip of my tongue down his length, followed the seam of his sac until I got to where it met his perineum. I pressed my mouth there and sucked.
“Hooooly… shiiiiit…”
Keeping my arms looped around his legs, I wrapped one hand around his cock and began to work it and cupped his sac, lifting it out of the way.
