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“Isn’t that what you’re for?”
When I cut him off, his mouth had been open and after my question, it still hung there. No words came out.
Damn. I actually made the man speechless for once. I thought that was impossible.
When he was capable of speech again, he said, “I’m not here every night.”
“Aren’t you?” In the past three weeks, he didn’t sleep next to me for only two. He was splitting hairs.
“Don’t act like you don’t ask me to come here every night and I’ve forced my way into your life against your will.”
“Rett…”
He lifted a hand and grinned. “Okay, I’ll admit… I didn’t believe that lie myself.”
One side of my mouth pulled up.
His mouth dropped open again. “Whoa. Is that a grin I see?”
“No.”
He rose from his seat, came to stand in front of me, and nudged my legs wider apart with his knee so he could step between them. “Now who’s lying?”
My half-grin turned into a smirk. “I really didn’t want a dog, Rett.”
“Too late.”
“I’ll keep her if you’re going to help take care of her.”
“I have no problem with that.”
“That means more time up here.”
“Jokes on you. I have no problem with that, either,” he repeated, the smile on his face spreading.
I grabbed his hips and pulled him closer. “I’ve been thinking…”
He groaned. “Should I be concerned?”
“Only if you didn’t bring condoms and lube with you. If you didn’t, then yes, you should be concerned. As you probably know, using spit just isn’t the same.”
He fisted my hair, used it to tip my head back and turn it left to right, as he squinted at me. “What happened to Chase Jones? Did aliens take him and replace him with someone else? Someone who grins and makes jokes, even as horrible as they are? Do I even know this stranger sitting before me?”
I shrugged. “The point is… I’d like to get to know you better.”
“You’ve known me for months.”
“Naked.”
His mouth formed an O. “Ooooh.”
“Starting tonight.”
“Ooooooh.”
“So, if you didn’t bring lube you might be saying ouch instead of oooooh.”
“If I didn’t, Harry’s Hardware isn’t that far away.”
A chuckle slipped from me before I could rein it in. “Are you talking WD-40?”
“Wow. Look at you. Totally hilarious. Really, who is this new Chase? I’d like to get to know him better, too.”
“I’m ready for a fresh start. Thanks to you.”
His smile disintegrated. “Me?”
I tipped my head. “You.”
“No, Chase. You’re the one responsible for your change, not me.”
“If it wasn’t for you, I’d still be,” there was no other word for it, “miserable.”
“I’m glad I could help, but I can’t take the credit.”
“If it wasn’t for you, I’d still be stuck in my personal hell,” I said more firmly this time.
“I… don’t know what to say.”
“Say you brought lube and condoms.”
“Of course I did. I’m no fool.”
“Then we’re good.”
He pulled away, his eyes serious and his brow furrowed. “Are we, Chase? Are we good? Are you really ready for this?”
“It’s all I’ve been thinking about.”
Those same eyes narrowed on me. “For how long?”
“At least a week.”
“And you’re only wanting to have sex with me now? We’ve been sleeping next to each other every damn night.”
“Think of the anticipation as foreplay.”
“More like edging. I’ve been waiting…”
“I know.”
“I want this more than you know.”
“I want this, too. But I wanted to make sure I was in the right head space first. It wouldn’t be fair to you if I wasn’t. Like that first time.”
He searched my face. “Do you consider that first time a mistake?”
I had to be careful about my choice of words. I didn’t want to hurt Rett in any way, shape or form. “No, it wasn’t a mistake. It was the first step to lifting me out of my dark pit of despair.”
“And you’re out of it now?”
He didn’t seem to believe me. “Don’t you think I am?”
“No, not completely.”
I’d give him that. “I’ll never not love or miss him, Rett. I’ve always been upfront about that.”
“I know. It would be selfish of me to think otherwise. I wouldn’t want that, anyway. What you two had together was special. It might not have been perfect, but it was certainly true love.”
“Thank you.”
“For what? Recognizing that truth?”
“Not being jealous over my love for my husband.”
“Never. Here’s the thing… Knowing you can love that hard, that completely, gives me hope that one day you could love me just as much.”
All the air in my lungs vanished. I could hardly breathe when an invisible band tightened around my chest. I stared up at him, unable to form any words.
Finally, when I could, I only managed to breathe his name. “Rett…”
His eyes shut for the second it took him to blow a breath out of his nostrils. “Forget I said that. I shouldn’t have.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. A lump formed from the fear of disappointing him. “You might be expecting too much from me.”
