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What the hell was she thinking? There was a part of him that wanted nothing more than to tell her she didn’t have to do anything cheap. He’d already done it. She could move in with him and enjoy all of his cheap stuff. He had three bedrooms. She could pick from the guest rooms and turn one into her studio. He could have her. He could keep her. He could make sure when the time came, she didn’t leave him behind. She would stay here with him and . . .
“You can’t stay here, Brynn. You aren’t meant to be stuck in a small town.”
He couldn’t let her make this mistake. If he did, she would wake up some time in the next couple of months or even years and she would resent him for keeping her here, for holding her back.
“Why would I be stuck? Do they not let you leave if you stay too long?” She laughed, but there was a wary quality to the sound.
He slid out of bed and reached for his jeans. She wasn’t thinking straight. “You know what I mean. You’re not meant to be stuck here.”
“What’s wrong with here?”
There was nothing wrong with Papillon, per se. He loved it here, but she was a big-city girl. She was enchanted with small-town life, but the reality of it hadn’t set in yet. “There’s no opportunity for you here. What are you going to do? Are you going to get a job at the diner?”
“Maybe. Or maybe I’ll volunteer with Zep and hunt down Brian. I don’t know that I’ll even get a job, but it’s an interesting idea. I can’t paint all the time.” She stood again, watching him with suspicious eyes. “You know I’m not asking to move in with you, right?”
“I wouldn’t let you even if you asked.” He couldn’t. It would be selfish. “You’ve had a blow. I get that, but you’re going to change your mind. You can’t change the course of your life because you met a guy.”
He watched as her skin flushed, and she seemed to take a steadying breath.
“Well, I suppose I haven’t given you a reason not to think this is about you.” She made sure the robe was secure around her. “And I was thinking we could see each other, but I’m starting to understand that isn’t what you want.”
He shouldn’t have put it so harshly. He was making a mess of this, but he wasn’t sure how to make her understand. “I want it more than anything, but we agreed this would only go on as long as you were here.”
“And you didn’t think I would be here long.”
“That’s not it. Don’t put words in my mouth, Brynn.”
“Then you should say what you mean, Major. Do you want me here or not?”
“Do I want you to stay in Papillon?” He wanted it more than anything in the world, but she would regret it. She would come to resent him for being the reason she gave up everything. He loved her. He couldn’t do this to her. He’d just figured out he loved her and he had to give her up. This wasn’t how he’d wanted to start the morning. “No. I don’t want you here.”
She shrugged. “That’s sad for you, then, because I’m staying. I’ve made friends here. I think this place could be good for me. I don’t want to go back to LA right now. I want some freedom in my life. I’m not taking the place in Paris because I need to not be in a high-pressure position again. I’ve been in a pressure cooker for twenty years. I want out for a while. I’m making this choice for me.”
“But you’re not. You’re doing this because something bad happened and you don’t want to face it. This place seems nice, and you want to hide. How can I let you do that?”
“You don’t let me do anything.” A brow rose over her eyes, and he caught the moment she went from being sad to angry. “Are you trying to make this decision for me? Because I’m not your father. I’m not signing away some rights to you. You have to be in control, don’t you? You seem like a nice guy, and maybe deep down you are, but you also need to control the world around you.”
Irritation flared, and he couldn’t help himself. He knew he should lower the temperature, but he found himself responding. “Control? You think I have a minute’s control? If I did, my mother wouldn’t have died. My father wouldn’t want to leave me alone. I’m doing this for you. I’m sacrificing what I want so you can have what you deserve.”
She sighed, a weary sound. “I’m the only one who gets to decide what I deserve. That’s what I’ve figured out. You don’t get to look at my life and decide it’s good enough for me and I don’t get to change it. My mom has done that for years. She had good reasons for it, and I don’t regret working hard to pull us all out of a horrible situation. Although now I look back and realize Gavin would have taken care of all of us anyway. So maybe I shouldn’t give her a pass on that.” She looked him up and down and then nodded. “All right, then. I hope you have a good day.”
