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“That’s how it feels.”
“That’s not the motive. I promise you that I wouldn’t hurt myself to hurt you. I wouldn’t trash a future I want to punish you.”
Her mom sighed and put a hand over hers. “I know that. I truly do. I also know that I’m perfectly capable of thinking the world revolves around me. I am sorry, Brynn. I should have been braver. I should have admitted the relationship when the rumors first circulated, but I was selfish and afraid. Not merely of being taken less seriously. I was afraid of being compared to Gavin’s other girlfriends.”
“You have to get over that. Or maybe the better way to put it is you have to learn to deal with it.” Brynn wasn’t sure anyone ever truly got over their insecurities. They simply learned to deal with them.
Like Major would have to learn to deal with his. He could hold on to his father, but eventually time would catch up. Eventually his fear would be made real, and he would be alone because he’d pushed away the person who would have stood by him.
“Yes, I think I will.” Her mom squeezed her hand. “Are you going to stay here with Major? Is that one of the things you want to explore?”
“I did, but that’s over now.” She’d already reconsidered staying here in Papillon. It might be too hard to watch Major stumble and make mistake after mistake. “Depending on how fast the studio replaces me, I can probably stay in the cabin for a couple of days or so. I’ll make a decision where to go then.”
“I would love to have you back in LA but, darling, if you want to figure out who Brynn Pearson is without the pressure of being Bria Knight, I don’t think you should come back for a while.” Her mom grimaced. “I hate even saying it, but I think you should stay here. What did Major do?”
“He’s not interested in pursuing a relationship.”
A brow cocked over her mom’s eyes. “He’s not?”
“He thinks he is, but he isn’t. He basically told me I should go back to LA. That there’s nothing for me here.”
Her mom sat back with a long sigh. “Did he say you should go back because he doesn’t want you here? Or was he doing that all-American male thing of saving you even from yourself? Is he being a self-sacrificing and, quite frankly, controlling idiot?”
“That second thing.” It was hard to believe. He’d shown up the night before and he’d tossed out their fight. He’d been everything she’d needed. Warm, loving, caring. He’d wrapped himself around her and she’d felt so safe.
“All right, then you need to decide if he’s even worth fighting for,” her mother advised.
“He’s angry that I disagree with taking his father off the meds. They’re working on the dementia but they’ll accelerate his physical decline. I think Major is hoping he can keep his dad alive long enough for a miracle cure.” It was the only reason she could think of. Major wasn’t cruel.
“He’s holding on. I understand the impulse. But why would he push you away? It’s not because he doesn’t care. I’ve watched the man light up around you.” She frowned suddenly. “Have you considered that he’s pushing you away because he doesn’t think he deserves you or he’s afraid he’ll lose you the way he’s lost everyone else? I know that sounds foolish, but it cost me years of time with Gavin. He probably doesn’t even know he’s doing it. Self-denial is an easy hiding place. It’s warm and comfortable and it feels safer than taking the risk. I would be alone if Gavin hadn’t been so tenacious.”
“I don’t know if I can fight him on this. If he doesn’t want to see it, he won’t.”
“You’re tired. It’s been a tumultuous few weeks, and you shouldn’t make any life-changing decisions right now. Beyond the ones you already have.”
Brynn rolled her eyes. “It’s not a mistake to take time for myself.”
Her mom held up her hands in deference. “No, it isn’t. I’ve pushed you hard all your life. All I’m saying is maybe you follow your original instincts. Maybe you don’t write Major off quite yet. Maybe you include your relationship with him in those things you’re taking time with.”
“I was considering the fact that maybe staying in Papillon wasn’t the best idea. I gave him this whole speech about how he better be polite to me.”
“I don’t think he would ever be impolite unless he was truly hurting. Sometimes even the sweetest puppy can bite when they’re in pain. You know that. I know I’ve been that puppy before. Although I doubt anyone would call me sweet.”
“You are very sweet when you want to be, and that’s exactly how I like it.” Gavin strode in from the front hall, Ally behind him. He walked right to her mom and drew her up so he could wrap his arms around her and give her a long, lingering kiss.
