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“Not really.”
My shoulders collapse under those two words. Demi’s never been one to hold back with the truth or beat around the bush. In a way, she reminds me of Coach. It’s always been one of the qualities I liked about her.
At the moment, though?
Not so much.
It would be nice if they’d both do me a solid and pretend everything is hunky-dory. Is that too much to ask?
“I’m sorry about Lola,” she says. “You seemed happy.”
That comment is like a burning arrow slicing right through the heart of me. Air rushes from my lungs in a painful burst. It’s almost impressive that I’m able to continue standing upright.
It takes effort to keep all the anguish that is nearly eating me alive from flashing across my face as I force my shoulders into a shrug. “Yeah well…shit happens.”
Her gaze sharpens as she tilts her head. “Is that how you really feel about the situation? Because it kind of seemed like you liked her.”
I press my lips together, refusing to give her the response she’s looking for.
What the hell does this girl want me to do? Slit my wrists open and bleed all over the place? Would that make her happy?
“You know, it’s all right to be sad. You don’t have to pretend that your relationship with her didn’t matter.”
Fuck.
Doesn’t Demi realize that I’m tired of being steeped in sadness?
I don’t want to spend every waking minute of the day thinking about the girl who dumped my ass. The very same one who didn’t care about me as much as I did about her. I just need to keep everything moving, because if I do that, maybe it’ll be possible to outrun the pain. And then, when I finally come to a standstill, it won’t hurt so much.
The pitying stares aimed in my direction only piss me off more.
“Who says I’m pretending?” I grumble, ready to end this conversation before it can spiral any further out of control.
“I do.” There’s a pause before she adds, “Have you considered that maybe you need to fight for her?”
Seriously? Does this girl think I’m a complete dumbass?
Of course I’ve considered that. I’ve been so damn close to marching into Taco Loco or showing up at her front door and begging to have one more conversation. But what good will it do?
She doesn’t want me.
Rowan clears his throat. “Demi, maybe—”
“No.” With a shake of her head, she glances at her boyfriend. “What he needs is a swift kick in the ass. I’m tired of watching him mope around here.” She flings one arm in my direction. “In all the years we’ve known each other, I’ve never seen him give a crap about anyone. If he cares so much about her, then he needs to fight for her.” There’s a pause. “You know what else? I’ve never seen Lola happier. I don’t understand why it all went south, but there has to be a reason she pushed you away. Instead of crying into your beer, figure it out.”
I blink as some of the mental fog dissipates and a kernel of hope rises within me. I can’t help but cling to one thing she said as if it’s a lifeline. “You’ve really never seen her happier?”
Demi shakes her head. “No, I haven’t. No matter what happened, you were good for her.”
My heart swells with thick emotion. “She was good for me, too.”
“I know. That’s why I don’t want to see it end like this.”
“Me, neither.”
“Then do something about it,” she encourages with a smile. “Don’t wait until it’s too late and the moment passes you by.”
She’s right.
About everything.
Lola and I were good for each other. I don’t understand why she broke up with me, but I’m going to damn well find out.
38
LOLA
The sun is just peeking over the horizon as I walk through the front doors of the transplant center with a small duffel bag slung over my shoulder and check in at the front desk. I was so ramped up about the surgery last night that I barely slept a wink.
The one person capable of calming my nerves is the very same one I pushed away. As tempting as it had been to call Asher, I resisted the urge. He needs to focus on himself and his future. Everything he’s worked so hard for is riding on this game. The school had a big send-off in the parking lot of the athletic center the other day. There was no way in hell I was going, but it was all over social media.
As painful as it’s been to set him free, it was the right choice to make. I can see that, even if he can’t. What would have really happened between us anyway?
In a couple of months, he’ll get drafted to a professional football team and move on with his life, probably halfway across the country. And I’ll be here. Stuck in this town, looking for a job that’s close to Mama because I can’t leave her here on her own.
