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“Maybe not until that point. We were nothing then, you’re right. But that night we weren’t drunk, Titan. We were both there in that moment, Big Daddy.”
“It was sex and—”
“And I didn’t hear you crying, ‘Oh no, get off my dick’,” I tell him, almost at the point where I’ve had it with him.
“I’m a man, not like—”
“That’s yet to be determined in my eyes.”
“I could remind you just how much of a man I am,” he answers and that makes me really done.
“Get out,” I growl.
“Faith—”
“Don’t Faith me. Get out. We had sex and I signed your papers. It could have been a new beginning for us. You knew where I was and we could have started over—took things slower. And that’s fine, I get that you weren’t interested in that. That happens and it sucks since I liked you, but like I said, that’s fine. But, what you don’t get to do is sit in my kitchen and tell me I’m overreacting, or that it’s my fault this all happened and I laid it at your feet. You don’t get to do that. So what you need to do is leave.”
“We need to talk,” he growls again, but he’s looking at me differently. Maybe he can tell how deep he cut me, or maybe he’s starting to get scared I’m two steps away from kicking him in the dick. Whatever it is, I don’t care. I just want him gone.
“You need to leave,” I virtually scream. I want him gone; I don’t want him breathing my air. I don’t want him around my baby’s air. Not right now, and maybe never—but definitely not right now.
“I can see you’re upset.”
“Gee—”
“So I’ll leave, but I’m not leaving Texas, Faith. I’m staying and you and I, we’re going to talk about this. We’re going to talk about it like two rational adults and we’re going to come up with a plan.”
“I have a plan. I’m raising my child.”
“Not without me, Faith. Not without me. I’m going to be a part of my child’s life. That means I’m going to be a part of your life.”
“Will you just leave?” I ask, my voice merely a whisper. I can’t deal with him right now. I just can’t.
“I’m going… for now.”
I don’t respond to his warning. I’m not even sure I breathe until he’s out the door. I stare at his coffee that he didn’t touch. I slide to the floor, staring at that coffee until the image of it dissolves into my tears.
Then… I let myself cry.
thirty-seven
titan
“Hi, Faith.”
I watch as her face slowly moves and she looks at me. Those blue eyes, so blue you could get lost in them, focus on me and then her face goes tight. She’s not happy to see me, but then I didn’t expect her to be.
“What are you doing here, Titan? Are you following me?”
I look around the small park. It’s nearly empty; there are just a few people out enjoying the fresh air. I wasn’t following her, but I was driving by her house. I wanted to just drive by and make sure everything was okay. I actually wanted to see her, but I knew I couldn’t knock on her door—not after our last visit. But I saw her from the road sitting on the bench and I couldn’t resist walking over here. I don’t want her to know I’m living with her aunt just yet, but I know the day is coming. Ida Sue invited Faith over for dinner tonight, but Faith told her she couldn’t make it because the school she’s working at was having a basketball game, and Faith was tasked with taking admission at the door. All this means that Faith will be having dinner at Ida Sue’s tomorrow. That also means she will soon discover I’m not only staying in town, but that I’m living with her aunt. I’m sure this news won’t fill her with happiness, but it has to happen. The one thing I have no idea about… is how to fix this mess. I need Faith to soften toward me. I seem to just keep sticking my foot in my mouth with her over and over. Everything I say comes out wrong.
“I was just out walking and saw you.”
“Then maybe you could keep on walking.”
“What are you reading?” I ask instead of responding. I motion toward her book.
“Funny you should ask,” she says and then holds out the cover to me. I read the words and a smile pulls at my lips.
“How to Survive Stupid Decisions.”
“I guess I don’t have to ask what your stupid decision was.”
“I guess you don’t,” she agrees.
“What if I started this conversation with I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole?” I ask her.
She studies me and I try to remain still during it. I just need to get us back on even ground. There’s more here to consider than just me or Faith. Much more.
