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“No offense taken, man. I’m skipping for joy inside that I’m not like you,” I laugh.
“Well, I’m offended,” Faith growls and she reaches down and takes the sign that River was helping to carry and then she does something I figured was coming, but still makes me laugh. She hits old Brad up the side of the head.
She doesn’t do it lightly, and that’s evidenced when Brad goes down. Dumbass doesn’t stay down, though, and once he gets back up, he’s fuming.
“You bitch!” he growls. I put Faith back behind me and I’m getting ready to lay out the bastard. I don’t get the chance, though, because before I can, Ida Sue lets out an eardrum-splitting whistle.
“Hamburger!” she yells. “Time to take out the trash.” Then she mutters a little quieter—but not that quiet, “Ruining my Chocolate Thunder’s beautiful day. Not to mention Blossom’s. I ought to do worse.” And then, no joke, this cow comes lumbering toward us. He stops in front of Ida Sue and she pets him and then points at Brad. “Get rid of him,” she orders.
I’m thinking she really is insane. Then, I start to believe I’m seeing things. Maybe I am, and definitely she is nuts, but that damn cow bites Brad on the ass. He screams like a little girl, holding his ass, but the cow does it again and this time he comes away with a piece of corduroy on his mouth which he—or she, I don’t really hang with cows—begins chewing on.
“I demand you—” Brad starts, to which the cow bites him again. I blink, but the image doesn’t go away. Brad’s walking away, and even starting to move fast because every minute or so the cow is biting him. Pretty soon old Brad takes off running with Ida Sue’s pet cow on his heels. It’s the strangest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Everyone is laughing, but my eyes are still glued to the disappearing cow when I feel Faith tug on my arm.
“Let’s get married, Big Daddy,” she laughs. I jump, then look behind me because Ida Sue just pinched me on the ass. I look up at the sky wondering exactly what I’m getting myself into. “I love you, Titan,” Faith says and I look back at her, still shaking my head.
It doesn’t matter how crazy her family is. They’re a good kind of crazy and my woman loves me, so that’s okay. I do hope our child doesn’t take after Ida Sue, however.
And you can’t blame a man for that.
fifty-four
faith
“What are you thinking, Big Daddy?” I ask Titan. The wedding has been over for a while now. We’ve cut the cake and enjoyed the reception. Aunt Ida Sue even managed to wrangle her cow, Hamburger, back up. Despite Brad’s appearance, it’s been a great day.
“That your family is crazy,” he mumbles and then I look up in surprise. We’re dancing together, music playing in the background and the sun is starting to fade in the sky, leaving a beautiful mixture of pink, orange, blue and purples in its wake. I follow his line of sight and watch as Petal and Luka leave the playhouse.
“Um—”
“That’s the third couple that’s gone in there today, Faith.”
“Um—”
“And I’m pretty sure they’re not measuring the windows for drapes,” he says and I can’t stop the giggle that escapes.
“Our kids will never play in that playhouse, wife.”
“Ida Sue keeps it clean,” I answer encouragingly.
“Never playing in that damn playhouse,” he grumbles.
“Point made, but if you’re going to draw the line there, you might not want them eating at the kitchen table.”
“Christ.”
“Or in the barn…”
“Jesus,” he mutters.
“Or on the front porch swing. There’s even this one spot on the roof—”
“Which brings me back to my point. Your people are fucking whacked,” he mutters.
I loop my hands up around his neck, our bodies close and still swaying to the music.
“I had a perfect wedding,” I whisper and he brings his dark eyes back to me.
“Until your ex showed up and decided to mess it up.”
“That’s almost my favorite part.”
“Say what?”
“I’ll never get the vision of Hamburger biting into Brad’s ass out of my head. It was hilarious!” I tell him, dragging out the word and putting emphasis on the “us” part.
“I doubt old Brad will forget it either, since he probably has cow teeth scars on his ass.”
“Which is awesome,” I giggle and Titan shakes his head at me.
“I’m starting to think my wife is whacked,” he mutters.
“But you love me,” I whisper and he brings his mouth down to mine.
“That I do, wife. That I do,” he grins, kissing me softly.
“And you want me happy,” I tell him.
“Definitely want my woman happy,” he agrees, and he says it so earnestly I squeeze him tighter.
“You’d give me anything I want, really,” I murmur, letting my fingers move down his neck and around to the sides.
