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Bitch.
eleven
hope
“I can’t believe I was so stupid,” I whine for like the millionth time. I know Daria has to be tired of hearing me, but I can’t seem to stop myself.
“I can’t either. I mean I love you, Hope, but you of all people should know better.”
“I know! But that medicine knocked me on my ass!”
“Apparently it also spread your legs.”
“Ha! Ha! Cut me a little slack it’d been over two years, you know!”
“I told you that was going to backfire on you someday. A woman is not meant to ignore the cravings of her body.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever. I’m just saying, I was horny and drugged. I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly.”
“Still, it’s a rule.”
“A rule?” I ask her, cocking an eyebrow and taking another drink of my wine. I’m at Daria’s house. Jack is sleeping and I’ve decided to stay over too. I know I’m avoiding seeing Aden again, but really… I don’t think I have it in me to face him again tonight. “What rule?” I ask, as Daria refills both our glasses. I grab one of the chocolate truffles I brought. We’re eating chocolate, drinking wine and watching a Lifetime Movie Network marathon on television. Woman after woman seem to be killing men in these movies and I completely agree with them. Men are assholes. Death to them all.
“If you’re going to go in heat, honey you better package the meat.”
“You did not just say that!”
“I just call them like I see them.”
“You sound like Aunt Edna—or worse, My Aunt Ida Sue.”
“Having met Ida Sue, and that hot as heck cowboy she keeps in her stable, I can deal with that.”
“You really are a freak Daria. Most of my friends are after my cousins, the Crayon boys, you are jonesing after an old cowboy with wrinkly balls.”
“The balls aren’t what’s important, and Jansen seems to be more than equipped to keep your Aunt happy. From what I hear—”
“We are not talking about my Aunt’s sex life. I’m not drinking enough for that. I have my son in the other room.”
“You are wound too tight. You need to get laid.”
“I just did, that’s the problem.”
“Oh yeah. Maybe I should slow down on the wine,” she laughs. “At least tell me the jerk was good.”
“I wish I could say he wasn’t.”
“But he was?”
“Jesus, he was. I think the earth moved.”
“Damn.”
“It could have been because it had been over two years, you know. Like, after that long anyone would have been good—even that dude with the fuzzy, red hair.”
“Fuzzy, red hair?”
“Yeah. The guy named after a vegetable,” I mutter, taking another drink.
“Carrot Top?”
“Yeah, that one.”
“Um…Hope. I don’t care how long it’s been—I don’t think any amount of celibacy could make Carrot Top good in the sack.”
“You don’t know. Carrot Top could be packing.”
“I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
I sigh, giving up all pretense. “He was so good, Daria. I’m aching all over and I hate him. I hate him so hard, but…”
“But… You want to jump his bones again?”
“Yeah…if I could gag him.”
“Kinky,” she laughs.
“Bite me.”
“Hey, some guys like that kind of thing. I have a ball gag in the bedroom…”
“Oh, my God, you do not!”
“I told you the last guy I was with was into that kind of thing.”
“Are you?”
“Eh…not particularly, but when in Rome….” She shrugs.
“I screwed up Dar,” I whisper.
Her hand comes up to the side of my face and she cups it gently.
“You’ve been running yourself ragged for two years. You were due. Quit being so hard on yourself. It’s going to be fine.”
“Having unprotected sex is like taking your life in your own hands. I can’t afford to be stupid and risk everything. Jack depends on me,” I tell her my biggest regret, deepest fear and the largest worry on my mind.
“You said your doctor said everything looked fine and you were clean. You go back next month for more tests and you keep following up. And the next time you land in Mr. Dickhead’s bed, you make him wrap it up. It’s going to be fine.”
“I’m not landing back in his bed! He’s an asshole. I told you how he treated me!”
“You also admitted he rocked your world. It doesn’t have to be love or even last more than a few days, Hope. There’s something to be said about hate sex.”
“It’d definitely be hate, but I think I’d rather go back to being celibate. Life’s just simpler like that and I need to be the best mother for Jack I can be.”
“Absolutely, but you can do that and still get a little tune up now and then without feeling guilty, Hope.”
“I’m going to bed,” I answer, not replying to what she said. I give her a hug and then head to the room where my son is sleeping. There’s two reasons I don’t reply.
