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“Or?”
“You need to be prepared. The simple truth is you might never get your memory back.”
“I see,” I answer quietly, not quite sure how I feel about that.
“I’m sorry I can’t give you a more concise diagnosis, or a more favorable one. I appreciate that it has to be…difficult to lose memory of who you are and everything you’ve experienced in life,” he says and I think on his words.
“It is in one way, but I have my wife and son. We’ll slowly find our way. It would have been much worse without them in my life and I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if I had fallen away from them and Hope thought I just abandoned her,” I tell him and I have thought a lot about that. The kind of man I was before, if I had disappeared she probably wouldn’t have thought a thing about it.
“True. I can see how that can be a comfort to you. I’ve got a few more patients to see. I’ll send the nurse in here with your prescriptions and discharge papers,” he says, standing up and reaching out his hand.
“Thank you doctor.”
“I still want you to follow up with the therapist. Sometimes when dealing with neurological issues, medical technology falls short, where therapy can help.”
“You really think a shrink can help me get my memory back?” I ask, doubtfully.
Hope tries to pull her hand away, but I don’t let her. I know she’s scared I’ll never remember her or the life we’ve had. I’m kind of glad I don’t. I can’t go back and fix things from the past, but I can prove to her I’m a better man now.
“There’s no way of knowing, but I do think that a therapist can help you adjust better—both of you actually.”
“I’ll check into it,” I tell him. I’m not sure I will…but I will think about it.
“Please don’t forget to stop by admissions,” he says and then leaves.
“I’m sorry, Aden,” Hope whispers. I look down to see tears slowly streaking from her eyes. I wanted to give her a good day, not upset her further.
“It’s going to be okay, honey. I wasn’t kidding. I have you and Jack and that’s all I need.”
“Maybe you wouldn’t feel that way if you had your memories,” she whispers, her head down. “Things weren’t…good before your accident, Aden. You didn’t even like me much.”
“Then I was an idiot.”
“Aden, you say that now, but—”
“Stop this bullshit, Hope,” I rumble, getting frustrated. “You think back to last night, how sweet it was, Hope.”
“Aden—it was sex. I mean, you didn’t even…”
“It was beautiful and for the first time since this mess began …” I stop, not knowing exactly how to put it into words. “Something felt familiar … It felt like …”
“Sex.”
“Like I was where I belonged,” I whisper to her. Hope’s brown eyes go soft and I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and pull her to me for a quick kiss. “It’s going to be okay, Hope,” I reassure her when we break apart.
“I know,” she whispers, but she doesn’t look like she believes it.
thirty-nine
hope
I want to cry. I need to. Instead, I’m sitting in the car with Aden and pretending everything is okay—when inside it feels like I’m dying. Today it felt like all that dynamite I’ve been sitting on had a lit match thrown into it and I barely stomped out the fire in time.
I avoided going to the admissions office, but it’s only a matter of time before they demand information I can’t give them. It’s only a matter of time before Aden himself begins demanding that information.
I need to talk to White. I need to find out what kind of life Aden had before coming here, because suddenly in that small room at the hospital something occurred to me.
Aden could be married.
I know nothing about him—besides the fact he was a major asshole. What if I slept with a married man? He didn’t say he was married, but then that’s not something a man who cheats would tell you right before the moment. A good man wouldn’t do that kind of thing and the Aden I’ve been with since the accident is definitely a good man. But the Aden before wasn’t. He called Jack a bastard… that is not a good man. I’m starting to get a headache thinking about all this crap.
“You’re awfully quiet over there.”
“Just concentrating on driving,” I answer, lying. I’m not even sure how I made it out of town. I don’t even remember the traffic.
“That’s another thing. We need to go by the courthouse next trip to town, or maybe the social security office. I need to get my documentation back together. It’s time to move forward and I’m doing that first by getting my driver’s license back and driving.”
