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“Shit. I’m sorry.”
“Can’t change it now. Anyway, she kept jamming the key into the ignition, fumbling things. It was clear she was in no position to drive. I knew how, of course. Round here we learn how right after walkin’, but the only way I knew how to get home was on the freeway, and I was scared to drive on it. She asked for a few minutes to rest, then started to pass out right there. There was no other option than for me to drive. I pretended I wanted to, said I wanted to practice and get over my fear of driving on the freeway. Said Jasper had teased me about it, even though he hadn’t.
“I think she probably knew I was doin’ it for her, but it was always easier for both of us to lie to ourselves about the situation. Swapped places with me right then and there and went to sleep. I was scared as hell, shook the whole time, felt like a damn baby. I was scared I’d wreck and kill her, or someone else. That I’d get pulled over and she’d get arrested. But I made it home in one piece and got over my fear of driving on the freeway that day. When she sobered up the next day, all she did was cry, apologize, tell me she would never do that to me again, and how much she loved me. That was the last time my mama drank when she had to pick me up, and the last time she drove while drunk, that I know of.”
“Jesus, Sam. That’s not okay.” I bit down my anger so I didn’t say something to upset him. Regardless, she was still his mom, and Sam felt a responsibility to her. “You didn’t deserve that. It was dangerous, and you could have gotten hurt, either driving or riding with her.”
“I know.” He placed a palm over one of my hands, tangling our fingers. “It’s stupid because I felt like it was my fault. I’d wanted to go to the movie so far away. I’d known she was sad. If I hadn’t pushed, she wouldn’t have taken me. If I’d stayed with her, she wouldn’t have drunk so much.”
Ah, so that’s what this was about. He felt guilty being here with me when he knew she was drinking again. “You can’t live your life for her. She’s responsible for her own actions, not you.”
“Logically, I know that, but I’ve spent my life takin’ care of her, being codependent. I can’t just make it go away.”
“Do you want to go home?” I asked, hoping he said no, not wanting another night in the empty house without him.
“Nope. I wanna spend the weekend kissin’ up on you…and flirtin’. I like flirtin’ with you…maybe eatin’ all your food or your ass—it’s a toss-up. And doing some yardwork. We should probably throw in some sex too. You know me, I’m always itchin’ for another orgasm. My weekends with you are my favorite time, don’t you know? I give everything else up—I don’t wanna give this up too.”
I sucked the salty skin of his neck into my mouth, hard and long enough to give him a hickey. When the purple started to appear, I kissed it.
I didn’t know how I was ever going to let him go.
Water splashed my back, making me jump and drop the rake. I whipped around to see where it had come from, and spotted a smiling Sam wielding my water hose. “You little shit!” I shouted and ran toward him, only for the water to rain down on my chest and face this time. He didn’t ease up as I went for him, dancing around and spraying me until the hose wouldn’t allow him to go any farther and I basically tackled him to the ground.
He was laughing while I wrestled him for his weapon. It wasn’t until I’d pried it out of his grip and began spraying him that I realized I was laughing too, more and harder than he was. Sam wasn’t one to give up quickly, though, my body jolting up and down as he bucked beneath me. I fell off and he climbed on top of me, but I was still the one with the hose, shooting water at him while he continued to try and get the best of me.
We’d been working in the hot sun for hours. After our talk on the porch, we went to do the yardwork he’d mentioned. This was the first time he’d come over that we hadn’t had some kind of sex right away. My body had been tired, but now nothing but energy zipped through me. We made our own mud puddle, turning brown as we rolled around laughing and fighting. I didn’t know how he did this to me, how he managed to turn me into another man, but he did, and fuck if I didn’t want to thank him for it.
