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It’s the reason we don’t win.
Everyone’s got too much aggression bottled up inside. We’re pissed because this is a game we should have won. Could have won, if things were gelling between the players more consistently… If I could bring it together.
I hate this feeling of letting the guys down. I know they wouldn’t say I did and I know they’d tell me it takes more than one player to make a team. But I also know what it feels like when that connection is locked down. When that half second is on your side instead of working against you.
By the time I get past the interviews and heart-to-heart with Coach, I’m not in any mood to hang out. At least not with the guys I let down tonight. What I want is to head back to Cammy’s place and sit on the couch and hear about her day. I want to know who Matty hung out with at recess and whether the tortellini bake she was trying off Pinterest was actually as good as scratch lasagna. I want to chill and relax in a way I don’t get to with anyone but her.
But Cammy was at the game tonight. And we have plans to meet at the Five Hole. So that’s where I’m going.
I walk into the bar with Vassar and get a slightly more subdued version of our normal greeting. There are still cheers and back slaps, and guys and girls I’ve never laid eyes on before edging up into my space to tell me what a fan they are. And I know what a lucky schmuck I am, so even though tonight I’m really not in the mood to shake all the hands and smile at all the compliments I don’t feel like I deserve, I do it anyway.
Finally, I clear the front end of the bar, and once I reach the back, the crowd peels off. It’s sort of an unwritten rule in the Five Hole and the main reason most of the guys come here—once we’re past that first open area, we’re allowed to be guys out for a beer. People don’t approach us for handshakes or selfies, they don’t ask for autographs.
Cammy’s at the back end of the bar with Natalie, and just seeing her there decked out in my number, head tilted back, eyes glittering as she laughs at something Nat said, is enough to loosen the vise of tension around my chest. Vassar places a hand on my shoulder and edges past to swoop in on his girl. Grabbing four beers off the bar, Cammy finds me with that smile I can’t get enough of.
And it’s all good.
I take one of the beers and sling an arm around her slim shoulders, pulling her in for a hug as we walk over to our usual table.
“Matty get over to Teddy’s okay?” It’s not Jeremy’s week but Matty got invited to a sleepover at his best friend’s house for the night.
“Yes, Sally texted to let me know they tore into the Legos the second they got there and didn’t stop until they went to bed.” She holds up her phone and I can’t help but grin at the picture of the little dude with his buddy surrounded by a sea of tiny bricks.
“Check out the speeder,nice.”
“He’s been building them over and over since you showed him how. He’s very proud of his new skill.”
I sit taller and dust off my shoulders. “I’m badass with the Legos.”
Cammy thumbs to the next picture, Matty conked out on the rollaway bed in Teddy’s room, his face peaceful, hair a little messy over his brow.
“Damn, you made a cute kid.”
She smiles beside me and I find out all the shit I like to hear about from her day, like the funny-as-hell outtake Julia shared from taping with one of the rookie Bears players. The guy was so nervous he ended up spilling a cup of coffee down her chest and then was so mortified he tried wiping it up.
“And his face is like purple by this point and she keeps telling him it’s okay and the producers are swarming the set, but he won’t give them the napkins. And I mean this kid is practically cupping her boob”—she’s holding her hands up, pantomiming the whole thing with this frantic look on her face—“and it’s like you can see in his horrified eyes that he knows he’s making it worse but he just can’t stop.”
This is what I needed.
Only then Cammy’s face loses some of its light. I follow her eyes to where the bar opens up, and a few people down from Vassar and Nat is The Blip.
“Jesus, this guy is everywhere.”
The muscles that had barely begun to unlock are suddenly winding tight again. That feeling of futility and exasperation pushing into my chest.
Except unlike with the game, I’m pretty sure I can do something about this.
Cammy sits back in her chair and takes a swallow of her beer. “Forget about him. I have.”
“I will.” I reach out and brush a wayward curl from her face, tucking that bit of blonde behind her ear. “Right after this.”
“Right after what?” Her eyes go a little wider, like on some level she already knows.
Letting the backs of my knuckles stroke against the silky skin of her cheek, I lean closer. “Right after I make my point.” And I lean in the rest of the way and kiss her.
* * *
Cammy
