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I blow out an unsteady breath, relief relaxing the muscles that had gone tight.
“But what if you can’t have me?”
Jeremy straightens, takes a step back, and then leans against the fridge.
“Then it means Matty will have two totally committed parents who love him with their whole hearts… just separately. But Cammy, I need you to believe me. I wouldn’t have come back, I wouldn’t have gone to the lengths I did with work and finding a place, changing my whole life, if I wasn’t committed to being a part of his. I’m not gonna lie, I want you. Since we’ve been apart, there’s been something missing—”
“Jeremy, you married another woman. You lived ashusband and wifein another country for two years. And when you came back, it wasn’t to me. So, if you don’t mind saving the something-missing routine, I’d appreciate it.”
I look back around the corner, the shower still running, no sign of my little guy.
“Why do you think it didn’t work out? Becauseshe knew there was someone else,” he argues. “We both did. I never stopped loving you.”
My throat is tight, and I can feel tears at the backs of my eyes. I don’t want to cry in front of this man. I don’t want to shed another tear because of him, not ever for the rest of my life.
“Cammy.” He reaches for me, but I bat his hand away.
“Don’t. I don’t want your comfort seven years too late. And so we’re clear, there wasn’tsomeone else, because you lost me the day you left. And a little more every day after that. Until finally I wasn’t waiting for you to come back at all, I wasn’t hoping and wondering and wishing, because I’d let you go. So, I’m sorry, because I know what it feels like to love someone who doesn’t love you. But what we had is over. I’m with someone else now.” And God, I wish he was here. No matter whether the physical part of our arrangement has an expiration date, when the chips are down, Rux is the man I turn to.
Jeremy swallows, pain in his eyes. “I understand. You have a relationship. A life. And I’m lucky that you were willing to disrupt it enough to give me a chance to be the father I should’ve been for Matty all these years. But I want you to know that if you change your mind, if you can remember what it was like between us, I’m ready to be the man you deserve. I’m ready for us to be the family we dreamed about having.”
I don’t know what to say, but it looks like Jeremy isn’t expecting me to say anything. He takes a breath and looks around the kitchen.
“Hey, why don’t I clean up from dinner and when Matty’s out of the shower, I’ll say good night then.”
Chapter 21
Rux
“That fucker is working her. Right now,” I growl, prowling back and forth in the too-small conference room Baxter and I commandeered for the few free minutes I’ve got pregame, restless energy building in me like a powder keg.
Greg’s here to watch from the owner’s box but stopped down to the locker room a few minutes ago. And after one look, he hauled me out, demanding to know what my problem was.
“Whoa, Rux, when you say ‘working her’ you don’t mean—”
My hand is up, my finger shaking into the space between us. “Don’t you even say it.”
He visibly relaxes, walking a couple steps toward me and knocking my hand out of the way to pull me in for a one-armed hug that ends with him messing up my hair.
“You had me worried there a second. I mean, I’ve seen you get worked up before but, damn, this”—he waves his hand all around in front of me—“is some next-level freak-out. I thought for sure… Never mind.”
I gulp. “You thought what? You thought Cammy would be with him again?”
I don’t like the look in his eyes. “Not while you guys are together. Even with whatever kind of friends-with-benefits thing you’ve got going, that’s not how she is. If something is going to happen with Jeremy, she’ll end it with you first.”
Now I want to lay Baxter out. Because, “No shit, that’s not how she is.”
“Look, I know Julia hates his ass. I don’t think that’ll ever change. And the guy isn’t winning any points with me. But I’m not entirely sure Cammy has ever gotten over Jeremy, okay? Julia says she has, but if you ever catch her talking about him when her guard is down, you can see that there’s still something there.”
Not possible. “Heabandonedher.”
“I know. But… What if he really has changed? Grown up in all the ways that matter?” He shrugs. “I agree, there’s no excuse for what he did, and I hope she doesn’t take him back. But what if he really has been trying to get his life together so that he’d have something to offer when he came home? Julia says this guy spent a year trying to get transferred to Chicago. That he took a serious pay cut to make it happen. What if, deep down, he’s the one she wants?”
Suddenly all the energy that was ready to blow out of me in every different direction starts drawing inward, dragging me down until I drop into one of the chairs against the wall, my forearms catching on the spread of my knees feeling like the only thing keeping me from going through the floor.
“I don’t want to lose her, man.” The words feel like a confession ripped from the deepest, darkest, most secret part of my soul. Like I didn’t even recognize it myself until just this moment.
“Come on, man, this is Cammy. You’re not gonna lose her. I mean yeah, you’ll lose the blowjobs, but that girl loves you.”
