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I turn to Jeremy, wanting to say something reassuring. But he holds his hand up, shaking his head.
“I get it. Rux has been a part of his life for years longer than I’ve been back. But I’m hoping in time Matty will see me as much a part of his family as him.”
Something about the way he says it triggers another emotional response. Turning toward the windows, I try to keep the heartbreak and hurt from my face.
But just like my history with Jeremy lets me see things others might not, his with me does the same.
Coming up behind me, he rests his hand on my shoulder.
“Hey, that’s the second time in five minutes you looked like you might cry. And I’m thinking about the fact that you weren’t sleeping. Everything okay? With you and Rux, I mean?”
I nod tightly, not trusting my voice. And honestly Jeremy is the last person I want to talk about Rux to. But he’s not ready to leave it alone.
“Something happen with you guys?”
Before I have to answer, Matty is skidding back into the room, handful of action figures gripped tight in his fist. “For with the Play-Doh!”
I can’t help but smile, all that threatening emotion evaporating beneath my son’s excitement. At least enough to keep it from spilling over in front of these two. “You know the best part of building an awesome model is tearing it down.”
Jeremy lets out a sigh. “Yeah, I’m getting that sense. Come and see it before the troops take over.”
By the time he leaves, I’ve missed my window for Rux to call, or for me to call him.
He’ll be getting ready for the game, and considering what he said about distractions, I’ve been working very hard not to be one. So instead, I fire off a quick text, wishing him a good game.
I want to tell him I’ll be up later, that he could call when the game is over… if he wants to talk.
I wouldn’t have thought twice about it a month ago or even six. But now it seems needy. Pushy. Desperate.
And maybe that’s because I know the truth. I’m all of those things.
I’m aching to talk to him, to hear his voice. His laugh.
To know how he felt about his game and if he’s heard anything more about a trade.
But Rux ended what was happening between us because it was too much. He needed some breathing room. And I’m going to give it to him.
* * *
Rux
I get her text and…damn.
She’s wishing me luck in the game.
Not casually mentioning that in less than a week, things are going so well with Jeremy, that in addition to letting him keep her up all night, they’re napping together while Matty’s there.
The air in my lungs turns to glass.
“Whoa, man.” O’Brian’s in front of me, a look of concern in his eyes as he looks from my phone back to my face. “That thing sounds like it’s about to bust.”
My knuckles are white wrapped around the device, but the screen is still lit up with Cammy’s text.
“Everything okay there?” he asks quietly, not trying to draw attention. He’s a good kid, and after the way I’ve been playing, he’s probably wondering what my impending meltdown means for the game tonight.
“It’s all good. The way it’s supposed to be.” I think. I hope.
Fine, maybe Idon’thope. Because I’m a jealous, selfish dick.
