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Charlie
Embarrassment floods me. I can’t believe I asked him that. I mean I’ve been thinking about it all day but never thought the words would ever leave my mouth.
“You want me to teach you how to not give a fuck?”
I laugh, the embarrassment subsiding easily around him. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Alright, love. It would be my utmost pleasure to help you.” His mouth takes on a mischievous grin, and if it were anyone else, I would be nervous, but with Hudson, I’m filled with excited anticipation.
“Thanks,” I say casually, but inside my temperature is rising with his smile.
“First lesson, we get toasted and see if I can’t bring back that confident sex kitten I first met.”
At his words my eyes go saucer-wide. We agreed to keep it clean between us; getting the sex kitten back would absolutely be a bad and embarrassing idea. Rejection is not going to help my confidence at all, and I don’t think it can ever be just sex for me and Hudson, especially after all we just shared with each other. My stupid feelings are too strong.
“Calm down, the night doesn’t have to end the same way. I just mean, maybe if you drink with me, you’ll loosen up a bit. Might even sing me another of your songs.”
“Okay.” I shrug and follow him up to his apartment.
“Afraid we have very few choices, and by very few, I mean we only have two choices.” He rubs the back of his neck, looking downright boyish, and I see the exact moment he has an idea. His eyes light up and he sticks his finger in the air. “I know exactly what to do. Tell me, Charlotte, have you ever had a Black Velvet before?”
“No, never.” I can’t help catching his excitement, and I watch a little impatiently as he goes to work. His place is cleaner than I expected, especially for being a musician. He pulls two tall glasses from the drying rack and cracks open two beers. They pour dark and I admit to him I’ve never tried dark beer; this clearly pleases him. He then tops it off with a bit of champagne he pulls out of the fridge. He slides one across to me, and we cheer to breaking me out of my shell and drink. It’s really good and as we chat at his kitchen island, he shares stories of the many adventures he’s been on thanks to the boys of Headspace—apparently Bandit is the craziest person he’s ever met and has made life on the road very interesting. I tell him the few drunk stories I have to share, most of them years ago, the best one being at a concert with my best friends.
“We have to catch a concert soon. I bet lots of great bands come through here, or maybe LA?” He looks to me for an answer, and I agree with a nod, taking another drink from my third glass. I’m definitely feeling a bit drunk and decide to turn on some music. I go with unromantic hits from Fall Out Boy and when he starts to sing, I do too. We get loud and he pulls me up off the bar stool, and we start to bang our heads around and jump on the furniture. By the end of the song, I’m laughing and fall back onto the couch to lie down, and he collapses on the floor beside me. It takes a long few minutes to catch our breath.
“Will you sing your music for me?”
The question catches me off guard, but I’m drunk enough it only takes me a minute to start singing a soft ballad I’ve had tucked away for a year, never willing to sell it to an artist or even let them see it. This one bares a secret that he could easily see through, but I’m hoping he won’t ask. My lyrics lay me out naked for him to see all my flaws, but I can’t find it in me to care at the moment. I hum and then wait for his reaction. He stays silent on the floor and I feel a bit nervous, so I roll over to check on him and he’s passed out asleep. I slap my mouth shut, laughing again.
I whisper his name to tell him I’m leaving, but he doesn’t move. I stare a little too long and wish, not for the first time, that Hudson could be mine. I would show him the love his parents didn’t and care for him far more than his bandmates, but since life isn’t fair, I grab my cell phone from the island and head next door.
It’s nearly three a.m. and I’m thankful no one is in the hallway to see me sneak out. I get a wicked case of the hiccups, but still no one notices me. Story of my life, but for a change, though, I’m grateful for it. Lesson one was fun and easy, and I’m starting to feel really good about my chances of becoming a better me, now that I have help from someone as amazing as Hudson. My mind floats to seeing videos of him of stage, how he can capture an entire audience in his deep-brown eyes and keep them there with his lyrics.
With all those thoughts demanding all my drunken focus, I crawl into bed much happier than the night before.
