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Charlie
I admit I snuck out of Hudson’s place hoping he wouldn’t wake up. Last night was too much; our relationship lately seems like more than we agreed, and I have no idea if he feels it too. When I noticed the guy following me to the bathroom wasn’t Hudson I froze up. All night I felt confident and empowered but that guy could see right through me and thought he could just take what he wanted. Without a word he pushed his body on mine, forcing me against the wall, and snarled his nasty beer breath on me, telling me how he was going to have his way with me. I hated every second. Even the moment Hudson saw me like that, not defending myself at all, just closing my eyes and wishing he would stop. Too scared to say anything, it brought back all my childhood fears, and he was there to witness it. I was so grateful to get out of there, but I was embarrassed, and he said nothing. Is he ashamed I didn’t speak up? Does he feel like he’s wasted all his time with stupid lessons, trying to help someone as pathetic as me?
All these thoughts run through my head as I duck out of the studio. I don’t know where I’m going; I just don’t want to face him. I needed him to hold me last night and he was nice enough to let me stay, but today is a whole new day and I don’t want to be a burden. I’ve made too many improvements on myself to regress, but I have to get ahold of my feelings because I won’t be able to hide them from him, and I’m not ready to say goodbye. My heart hurts as I make my way to the old record store. I don’t know if I’m ready to tell Lyla anything, but I need a hug from my best friend.
I find her in the back room she uses for an office. The place is tiny but being the genius designer she is, the place is both cute and functional. She has a small desk, some shelves, and one tall file cabinet. A few plants are set up against the white walls and all the furniture is black.
“Hey, lady.”
“Hey.”
“What’s wrong, boo?”
“I just need a hug.” I start crying in Lyla’s arms, unable to hold back. She embraces me and closes her office door. When I get ahold of myself, I tell her a bit about the creep who followed me to the bathroom. She knows all too well how hard this would hit me; her version of comforting words come in the form of profanities toward the guy. It’s appreciated and reminds me I have someone in my corner that would go to war for me. Hudson did but he won’t always be here.
I shake out of my pity party and beg to change the subject. We chat about how well the Snack Shack is going since she opened. Cole shows up and as truly happy for them as I might be, I just can’t stomach the cuteness, so I say my goodbyes.
I’ve only killed a few hours, but I make my way home. Sneaking upstairs by the back entrance, I think I’m in luck when I hear music coming out of Nick’s apartment, but the door opens just as I’m unlocking mine. I glance to see Hudson staring at his phone and when he looks up to find me in the hallway, I see the worst possible thing swirling in his eyes. Pity, regret, and something else I don’t understand. All of which confirms my worst nightmare. He’s done with me. I give a sad little wave and make my way inside. He doesn’t try to follow me and I’m glad because I don’t make it past the couch before I’m a ball of emotions, crying all over again. I knew it would hurt but not like this.
I cry for hours and eat ice cream on the couch for dinner. I continue to ignore my phone and eventually throw it across the room. The bachelor might possibly be the worst show ever made and yet I’m binge-watching every episode they air. Finally, I fall asleep but toss and turn, dreamless and exhausted.
The next morning I’m up early and shower off all the self-loathing. I remind myself I can be the new Charlie without him and I’m stronger than I think. I recite it like a mantra, but it doesn’t help prepare me for when the boys all pile into the studio to rehearse. Why does he have to be so out-of-this-world sexy. I mean really, how is it one man can drip so much sex appeal? I sit in the back at my table and Facebook chat with Violet from Wildflower. The girls are excited to come meet with us and Marcus scheduled them for later today. Headspace nails the song, which only leaves three more to record and the album is done. Even knowing this was coming still brings a burn to my heart.
Hudson comes up to me, wanting to talk, but the room is filled with people who don’t know about our secret friendship.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine, thanks.”
“I tried texting you yesterday; did you get my messages?”
“No. Sorry.” I smile a sad smile, appreciating his kindness, but there is no way to end this gently. If it’s me, maybe it’ll make me a bit stronger.
“I was wondering if you were free tomorrow?”
“For what?”
“There is this small street performance on the other side of town. Thought it might be fun if you wanted to go check it out.”
“Yeah, sure, I’ll go.” So much for me being able to end this.
“Great.” He looks relieved, but I don’t understand why. Is he really going to draw out this heartache until it completely obliterates me?
“Hey, what about us? I want to go.” Bandit of course sticks out his bottom lip and pouts.
“Ah, yeah, of course, mate.”
“You said she was just a bird so why do you look like you regret asking in front of us?”
Ouch, maybe he has told them what we were up to.
“Shut it.” Hudson shoots bullets from his eyes at his friend, but the truth is already out there.
“No offense there, Charlie, but you wouldn’t want to get hung up on a guy like Hudson. He’s more of a love ’em and leave them begging for more kind of guy.” He starts to laugh and I’m so uncomfortable I pull my knees up and stare down at my notebook, letting my curls fall and hide my face.
Hudson storms over to him and whispers something in his ear. I don’t look over at them again and pray they forget all about the conversation. Soon they all leave, and Marcus comes back from grabbing lunch. He hands me a takeout bag of tacos, and I go to town, eating three myself and downing a bottle of water. I’m just throwing my trash away when a strawberry-blonde in a long white dress pokes her head inside the studio door.
“Hello, I’m sorry if I’m in the wrong room, but I’m supposed to meet Charlie and Marcus. I’m Violet with Wildflower.”
“Hey, Violet, I’m Charlie. Did you have any trouble finding the place?”
“Hi. No, we found it just fine.” Violet comes in and is followed by two other girls. Lacy has long, curly light-brown hair and Ivy is blond. Together they are the picture-perfect hippie girl group. No re-branding necessary.
Marcus meets the girls and hugs them all and soon we get down to talking business. The girls don’t have a manager or anyone to represent them, so we give them Ryan’s information. We give them a standard contract to look over and just for fun they play us a couple of their hit songs. Violet and I talk lyrics while Lacy flirts with Marcus, who stays ever the professional.
She likes the fast-paced song “Meet the Girls,” and we decide to finish writing the love ballad “Someday” together. They all seem excited to work together and we set up another meeting for next week when they’re official.
The distraction has been great, and I genuinely look forward to this next project for Empire 39, but I can’t help but wonder if all these changes I wanted to make are for nothing and I’ll still just always be a writer.
