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“Baby don’t look at me like that. You have to know by now how much I love you. Want to puke some more on me?”
She gasps, but smiles.
“I thought I missed you.”
“I know, and you looked so defeated. I didn’t want to tell you.”
Unbuttoning the dress shirt I had found and slipped on when she wasn’t looking, I show her the evidence of my love. Her beaming smile and boisterous laugh make it all worth it.
My lips find hers, stealing her laughter and turning it darker. I kiss the mother of my child with all the love I feel for her. I am proud of the respect she demands now. Her always gentle tone and her absolutely beautiful heart.
“You’re going to make a great dad.”
She stole my words again, but this time, I’m struck stupid. I’m going to be someone’s father. And I never had one of my own. The fear of failure is in the back of my mind, but I focus.
“Thank you. I love you, Ronnie. You put too much faith in me I don’t deserve, but I’ll earn it every damn day.”
I won’t be anything like my father. This child will know love and affection. Even I’m still learning to accept those things. I fight to clear my throat, choked with emotion, but she doesn’t make me explain myself; she simply hugs me back. Ronnie gets me. She’s learned my moods and excepts me even if I’m an old grumpy asshole.
After a few minutes, I clear my throat.
“Is this the part where you say, ‘I told you so’?”
“Oh, I already did, remember?”
She laughs, and I take her hand as we walk out.
She gets set up on a full schedule of appointments, and all the things I’ve learned about in the baby books I’ve been reading, start getting real. Then all those scary what if’s start in on me again.
What if something happens to the baby?
What if something happens to her?
What will that mean for me? Will she want me if I can’t give her what she wants? But she said she loves me. She said it first, and I know that took a lot for my shy girl to do, and it warms my heart with pride that I’m a part of her strength. I love her. It’s a crazy fucking feeling hitting me, the once dedicated bachelor. It’s true though I don’t deny it. My heart physically bursts when she walks into a room. It hurts when she’s away and burns when she shows me the slightest bit of sexual attention.
Snuggling into bed that night, I pull her close and kiss her hair. Ronnie is mine like she was always meant to be. The intense feeling calms me, and a sense of right falls between us effortlessly as we drift off to sleep, knowing we created a life to tie us together forever. A family.
