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But Austin does. He gives me a devilish grin, his hand shifting underneath me to cup an ass cheek and hold me in place as he thrusts forward. If he feels this good with clothing between us, I may not survive actually making love with him.
“I need you,” I plead, not caring that I’m close to begging. “I’ve saved myself for my future husband, for you.” And then cold air greets me as his warmth leaves me, the distance he’s putting between us so much more than the inches separating him from where he stands above me, no longer touching me. Looking at me.
“I can’t do this anymore,” he mutters, agony etched on his face, yet it’s nothing like the pain searing my heart. I pushed too far. I knew it. Regardless of what he said at the diner and just now, they were clearly empty promises.
Insecurities I thought didn’t exist roar to the surface, the only thing louder than them is the memory of what one girl said at school the other day. “I don’t give a shit who your parents are. Austin is a charity case because of his scholarship and that’s all you are to him. He wants an in to your family, to the prestige going here and being with you can bring him. It’s quite pathetic you think anybody will ever want you for you. You’re a means to an end.” I had no response, just turned and walked away, labeling her a jealous shrew that had to cut others down to feel good about herself. But what she said obviously stuck with me, waiting for the right time to strike…like a poisonous viper. And the poison is now seeping through me.
Sitting up, I fix my clothes, wishing I had more to cover every inch of me, suddenly feeling dirty for the exposed skin I’m showing. Tears fall unchecked down my cheeks, landing on my knees as I’ve curled into myself, pressing them against my chest in an attempt to keep my heart, the traitorous bitch, from spilling out and taking its last breath.
Hey, apparently I did get my parents’ flair for the dramatic after all. But clearly Austin is the one with the acting talent. He had me fooled. He had my dad and mom fooled. And the Academy award goes to…
“Why are you crying?” Austin demands to know. “Please, stop that. I can’t take it.” He sounds almost frantic as he tries to get me to quit. Is there another side of him that he’s kept hidden, one that is now coming forward when the jig is up? I mean, that’s the only explanation for how quickly his personality just changed. I stare at him, his beloved face blurry through the water filling my eyes. “Little one,” he states, dropping and resting his head on my lap now that my legs are no longer pressed against me, “how do I fix this? Each of your tears,” he adds, shifting to glance at me and swiping one before it falls from my eyelash, “hurts, scarring me for the rest of my days.”
He looks like my Austin, he’s talking like him again, once more treating me as if I’m the most important thing in his world, but what he said… “I don’t understand you,” I admit. “I heard you say you couldn’t do this anymore and I know you meant,” I hiccup as a panic attack sets in, but I breathe through it, not wanting to show weakness to the one person, aside from my parents, I thought would never use any against me.
Austin grabs my hand, ensuring my ring finger is prominent, forcing me to see it. “Remember when I gave you this?”
“Do you?” I ask, unable to keep the hurt and snark from my voice.
“I haven’t forgotten one second since I saw your face.”
“That’s the second time you’ve worded it that way.” I’m unaware I said that out loud until Austin figuratively jumps on it.
“Yes! Noticed that, huh? Do you trust me, Willa? You said before that you do.”
I hope I don’t regret this, but I reassure him, “I meant it.”
“Then come with me and I’ll explain everything. If you don’t want to see me again after that, I’ll bring you home.” Then he picks me up, holding me so we’re eye-level and warns me, “But make no mistake, I won’t give you up.”
Unsure what I’m truly agreeing to, but knowing I can’t deny the man I love anything; I tell him to lead the way. I’m either walking toward my doom or my despair, but I’m doing it willingly because my heart can’t give up on him, on us, yet.
If ever.
**Austin**
I am fucking this up, possibly beyond repair. No! I can’t think like that. Refuse to. Willa was born to be mine and I hers. She wouldn’t be given to me and then ripped away before we’ve actually begun to explore what the future holds for us.
“Where are we going?” Willa asks, the first words she’s spoken since we left her home fifteen minutes ago. She got in my car without hesitation, proving once again she’s too good for me, then further cementing it when she didn’t pull away when I reached for her hand. I needed the contact to ground me. As long as she’s with me, I still have a chance.
“To my house,” I answer, done with the secrets and lying. If Anders fires me for this, oh well. I’ll find a different way to support us, to show that while I’m not worthy of her, I’ll try to be as long as there is breath in my body.
“But I thought…” she trails off, but I know what she was going to say.
“Because you were supposed to.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You will, little one. All I ask is that afterward, you remember that I love you. Do noteverdoubt that.” Underhanded? Perhaps, but I prefer to call it what it is, desperation. I gulp, so much on the line, and blink to clear the tear in my right eye. “And you love me.” She doesn’t refute it, which I take as another positive sign. Reaching my house, I view it in a new light, seeing it as what itcouldbe, a home, instead of what it is now, the place I lay my head at night, counting down the minutes until I can be with Willa again. We walk inside, Willa’s eyes taking in everything and I see my whole future playing out while she does. Her studying for college, if she still wants to pursue that path. Nursing our kids if we decide to have children. Us having meals, always together as a family. Growing old with me and loving me forever as I will her. Leading her to the couch, I try to find the best way to start, the words leaving me before I can figure out what that is. “I wasn’t living, Willa. I existed. That’s it. My main purpose in life was to get through one day before starting another. I wasn’t unhappy, but I also wasn’t entirely happy. I just was. And then during a meeting at work, my boss, Anders,” she gasps, realization hitting her, and I speak rapidly, needing to get it all out, “explained that we had a new client. The man’s daughter was receiving upsetting texts and he feared for her safety. The cops’ hands were tied as no actual threats had been mine, but ours weren’t. Torren and Clover were chosen to shadow you when you weren’t at home. But Anders wanted a third, an undercover member of the team as an ace in the hole, to be near the girl as often as possible. The best way to do that was by striking up a friendship, giving him access to her that the others wouldn’t have.”
The hurt in her eyes, the pain…it guts me. I’d rather die a thousand deaths than have to tell her this, but I need her to know. Not to clear my conscience or absolve me of anything I’ve done, but because I want our relationship to be honest from here on out. “You were hired to protect me. To get close to me.” Shudders rack her body as a sob is torn from her.
“I had no clue who you nor your parents were,” I tell her vehemently, needing her to believe that if nothing else. “The others had to explain it. Jesse, a coworker, had to find an article because I was that uninformed.”
“Which is when you decided to accept the babysitting job,” she sneers, and though her attitude cuts me, she’s allowed to strike out. I’d be worried if she didn’t.
“No, “ I correct her. “Anders chose me because of how young I look.”
“How old are you?”
