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Maybe if I can get her to fall in love with mebeforethat, she’ll be more apt to forgive me? I want that more than anything other than ensuring she’s safe. As long as she’s in this world I can breathe easier, even if she won’t let me be a part of hers.
Chapter Four
Austin
May 1st…
“The texts are increasing,” Anders tells me when I call to check in and give my weekly report. I know they are, not through Willa confiding in me, which I wish she would – I know, hypocritical, much? – but because of how often she’s glanced at her phone when it’s dinged and promptly muted it, then set it back down.
“What else?” I ask, knowing there’s more. I will admit, I’d been tempted to request a report on the details of the messages, but I’d held off. Barely. I don’t need to know the specifics in this instance in order to protect her, and if Anders thought otherwise, he’d tell me, as he’s doing now.
“They’re getting more specific, and they mention you. As of right now, it doesn’t appear they know who you are aside from a student spending a lot of time with Willa.” That eases my worries some until Anders sighs, letting me know he still isn’t done. “I can’t believe I have to ask you of all people this, but…do you know what you’re doing?”
“No,” I answer honestly.
“Oddly enough, that makes me feel a little better.”
“How?”
“I know the consensus is that combining professional and personal is a bad idea as one can make you lose focus on the other. And while I agree with that to a point, there are times I believe the opposite is true as well. Caring for someone you are guarding will have you even more vigilant, more determined. I’m not saying your performance has lacked in any way when that isn’t the case,” he rushes to assure me, “merely that affection can heighten them. On that note, I’m assuming it’ll be no hardship to get even closer to her.” He takes my silence as affirmative, which it is and isn’t. I feel worse because I look forward to the idea when I should feel guilty.
“You’re not pulling me?”
“Would it matter if I did?”
“No.”
“I trust you, Angel.” I know he used my team nickname on purpose, emphasizing it to remind me of the reasons I have it. “That being said, I won’t hesitate to do so if I think it’ll be what’s best for heroryou. Yes, we care about our clients here, but they are no more or less important than the employees. Remember that.” And then he hangs up, leaving me staring at my cell as the screen goes black.
When it rings again, I’m sure it’s Anders, letting me know he’s changed his mind. I should’ve known better, though. Once he makes a decision, that’s it. It’ll take a stick of dynamite for it to budge.
“Hey, baby,” I say when I answer after seeing Willa’s name, cringing at the timing as I’d literally just been talking about her. I’ve been using endearments here and there when speaking to her, wanting her to get used to them coming from me, but it feels wrong doing it right now. It compounds the deceit. Like I’m not already having trouble eating or sleeping from my role in this. Hell, I was on WebMD checking for ulcer symptoms. According to it, not only do I have arthritis, I’m also pregnant.
“Hey,” she greets me, all chipper. Was she that way before calling me or am I the cause of it? “I’m inviting you for dinner tonight and I’m not taking no for an answer.” Her being assertive, becoming more vocal with her opinion, makes me happy. It wasn’t that she was a pushover before, but she never really had a chance to voice them. And when she did, she kept them to herself as she assumed nobody cared.
I do. I care.
“What should…?”
“You’re coming.” I laugh, then ask if I can finish. “Sorry,” she mumbles.
“I was only going to see what I should bring.”
“Oh. That’s so sweet. Just yourself. My fault for jumping to conclusions.”
“They aren’t farfetched considering I’ve declined every other time.”
“This is true,” she agrees. “And I kept track of them, so consider this the first of your make up meals. You’re already at a deficit, so don’t be late,” she teases, then ends the call. What is with people hanging up on me today?
Rising from the bed where I’d been trying to get a few winks until I was due to contact Anders, I shuck my boxers and walk naked to my bathroom. It’s torture being so close to Willa yet not acting on my feelings. I did that day we met, then worried I’d gone too far, so I’ve kept my distance since. Instead, I’ve satisfied my craving through holding her hand, the hugs she gives me, moving her hair when it covers her beautiful face. Then I come home and spill within seconds at the thought of her. The smell of her that clings to me. The hint of her tinted chapstick I can see on my cheek from when she impulsively presses her lips to it.
Terrified that’s all I’ll ever have; I’ve begun pressing a tissue to it, satisfied when the imprint transfers, and add it to the collection. Each item inside is from her. She is the only girl to ever touch me in this manner, and will remain so after this is resolved. Whether she’s at my side when that occurs or not, I’m hers. Forever.
**Willa**
I’m tired of the status quo, and letting the texts from this unknown person rob me of the joy just being near Austin brings me. I know I promised myself I’d take what I could get, but what if that’s so much more than I thought? Clearly Austin isn’t ashamed to be seen with me. We’re constantly together, yet whenever I invite him here he always has some reason he can’t make it. At first, I didn’t notice anything amiss, then I realized something wasn’t right. Austin has a tell, he taps his ear. When he isn’t being entirely truthful, he doesn’t do it. If he’s speaking from the heart, from the Austin I’ve come to know and have begun falling for, he does.
“He’s coming!” I holler as I race down the stairs and head toward the kitchen. Dad and Mom are in there, as I knew they would be, preparing their mugs of afternoon tea. Mom stares at me as she blows on her drink, the steam rising from the top letting me know they recently poured the hot water. So, I check the kettle on the stove and find some left.
