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It washard to say what the most terrible moment in my life had been, but it had definitely happened in the last twenty-four hours. Maybe at the top of the list I’d put hearing the pain and anger in my princess’s voice when she’d accused me of treating her like a cat toy yesterday. Maybe these few seconds now, knocking on the door to her rooms at eight in the morning and wondering if she’ll evenanswer.
Soft footsteps padded over the rugs on the other side. My back tensed. Ren eased open thedoor.
No, this was the most terrible moment right here. Having to watch my Princess of Flames flinch at the sight of me, the wound I’d dealt her still blazing clear in her eyes. It cut me from heart to gut with a sharp, searing burn that I absolutelydeserved.
Why the fuck hadn’t I kept my mouth shut for once in my life? Why had I let those idiot kin of mine rile meup?
Why had I let myself start thinking about my mate like a means to an end, even a little? I knewshedeserved better. I could give her better. If she ever gave me anotherchance.
But I wasn’t going to grovel and moan. The pain I was feeling was my own fault and mine to deal with. I’d be twice as much an ass if I tried to lay that on her too, as if she should comfort me through my epic screw-up.
“Princess,” I said with a dip of my head. “May I comein?”
She hesitated, and that just about killed me. Less than a week ago I’d tasted her most intimate places, and now she wasn’t sure she even wanted me in the same room. It was going to be a long, hard climbback.
But she was worth it. I just had to make her believe I believedthat.
I forced a self-deprecating smile. “I can make my apologies here in the hall if you’d rather. But I promise I’m not planning on imposing for verylong.”
“No,” she said. “All right. Comein.”
She must already have been up for a while. I could smell the traces of soap mingling with the sweet scent of her freshly washed skin. She’d picked out another dress: dusty rose-pink silk, simpler than the one she’d worn to the formal dinner last night but no less regal. It clung to her slim curves in a way that provoked a flash of desire all through mybody.
She hadn’t chosen it for breakfast with her mates, though, I’d guess. That was her armor for meeting the faemonarch.
“You’ll put her fairy highness to shame,” I said, nodding to thedress.
Ren brushed her hands over the flowing fabric, looking briefly awkward. Then she drew her posture straighter again. “I just want her to know she’s dealing with a different kind of monarch,” she said. “What was it you wanted to talkabout?”
As if she couldn’t guess. It was hard to hold her gaze while I pulled together the words, but I didn’t want her to think I was shying away from responsibility. “Like I said, I need to apologize,” I said. “You’re right to be angry with me. I should never have talked about you that way, to anyone. I can’t tell you how much I wish I hadn’t. And I hate even more that you had to hearit.”
“So whydidyou say those things?” she asked, crossing her arms over herchest.
God, how to say it. The words tasted bitter as I formed them. “There’s a certain... air of confidence I’ve found I need to show when talking to my kin. Especially the ones who might have an eye on my position as alpha. If they think nothing much affects me, they don’t find any weaknesses to exploit. But I shouldn’t have let that extend to you. I owe you so much more respect thanthat.”
Ren’s eyes studied me steadily, giving away nothing. “Do you owe me it?” she said. “So you’re telling me nothing you said to your kin reflected your real feelings, even alittle?”
I couldn’t lie faced with her dragon shifter sensibilities. She’d know, and that would only dig me deeper into thishole.
“I meant what I told you in the caves, princess,” I said. “I care about you. I want to spend my life with you. But I can’t pretend I’m not also aware that my position will be more secure once our bond is consummated. I may have pushed too much. I’m even more sorry forthat.”
There was so much more I could have said to try to explain, but I could read her too. And with the avian upper class sniping at her and this fae parlay looming, she clearly was in no mood forexcuses.
The excuses were beneath me anyway. I’d screwed up. I owned that. What really mattered now wasn’t what had happened in the past, but what I did from hereon.
“I understand it’ll take time to get your trust back,” I added. “But I will, however long it takes. I may talk a lot, but I don’t give my word lightly. I promise you I’ll earn that trust backhonestly.”
Ren nodded. I couldn’t tell whether she accepted the promise or just wanted me out of her sight. “Thank you for the apology,” she said carefully. “I guess we’ll just have to see how it goes. I’ll need some space, so I canthink.”
Of course. When we were close to each other, our mate-bond still pulled her toward me as much as me to her. I could be grateful for thatmuch.
I dipped my head. “Until our field trip into the fairy realm,then.”
She didn’t say another word as she saw me out. The door clicked shut behind me, and I couldn’t say my heart felt any lessheavy.
* * *
Ren
