Page 67 of Diesel


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I hear the doors to the food hall open, a teacher must have been informed something was going down. I know most teachers here will turn a blind eye, but there are a handful who still have morals.

“So thank you.” I wink and step back and look at Cuyler again, and this time he looks up at me, and I shake my head at him. What he has done bloody hurts. I thought he was better than that, but clearly being an Alpha means more to him.

Pushing my way through the crowd, a maths teacher is trying to figure out what is happening, but when he notices me coming his way, he looks relieved. I don’t stop and talk to him, I walk straight past and out the automatic doors with my head held high. I don’t look back, even though I want to see the look on Diesel's face.

***

A few things have happened since I lost the supposed protection of the Alphas. Girls go out of their way to be nasty, insert eye roll, I mean how cliché. Everyone seems to be having a field day with me sleeping with Mr. Briar, even though he was formally cleared. The Alphas avoid me most of the time. Diesel hasn’t slept in our room, and I had considered throwing all his shit out into the hall just to get a reaction. I have found myself somewhat lonely without the guys' company. I want him to come at me for my outburst, but he won’t, not now that he knows that’s what I want. He will get everyone else to do his dirty work. Yet I need to find a damn way to get Diesel back into our room. I just wish I could figure out a way to manipulate him into it.

Luna…I want to be strong and say I don’t care if she picks them over me, but I would be lying. I came to really like her.

The bass of the guys' stereo vibrates through the floorboards. You would think that after spending so much money to give these assholes a place as nice as this to live in, they would have forked out for soundproofing. ‘Ass Like That’ by Eminem comes to an end, I don’t mind when Cuyler has control of the music, he has a mixed collection. Yet I know Rebel is in control, he loves Eminem. ‘Mockingbird’ starts as I finish lacing up my converse. I need to make a trip to the store.

I clear the building with no sight of the Alphas. My plan requires them to keep trying to piss me off by partying like they have done every night. RIP to them, I have been studying in the library and earplugs drown out the noise if I need quiet.

I pull my buggy up near the convenient store. First, I head inside the pharmacy. I quickly tell the lady behind the counter that I need some laxatives. I expected it to be harder, no pun intended, to buy the laxatives, but I suppose when you’re filthy rich you can buy whatever you want.

Next, I go next door and get all the ingredients for cookies. The guys are stupid. I made a batch three days ago, and when I woke up, they were gone. So payback is a bitch. I also buy all the superglue and every other strong glue they have in the store. The youngish guy behind the counter gives me a weird look when I ask if they have any more glue out the back. He graciously goes and has a look, coming back with a small box.

After I have everything I need, I make my way back to my dorm. The young guy put everything in a bigger box, all I have to do is hope none of the Alphas catch me heading up to my room.

The music is still blaring, and by my calculations, still will be for the next few hours. I get started on the cookies, making sure to add extra chocolate chips just in case the laxatives have flavour, even though they are supposed to be chocolate flavoured.

Rory Gilmore keeps me company while I wait for the cookies to be ready. I don’t know how many times I have watched this episode, the one where Rory meets Logan for the first time, but I still manage to swoon every time he calls her Ace, even though I was always a Jess fan. I traipse back into my room and pull out my sewing kit and Diesel's uniforms. I make quick work of loosening the stitching in the ass of all his pants before sewing the legs of the pants shut and a few other amendments. To get his attention, I need to piss him off.

Before I knew it, I had watched three episodes and pulled the last batch out of the oven and made sure to hang all his clothes back where I found them. I don’t want him to figure out what I have done too early.

Happy with what I have accomplished, I grab my shower bag and head for the showers, having them at night helps me avoid having to be naked in their vicinity.

I sing along to some new pop song, the guys must be drunk enough to let the girls take over the stereo. The door creaks open, and I freeze as staggered footsteps enter, followed by the sound of heaving. Stepping under the water and washing the conditioner from my hair, I pray it’s not Diesel; he never seems wasted every time I happen to see him come to our room, grab his clothes and leave. I try not to let myself wonder where he sleeps at night, there is no way I’m jealous that he could be sleeping with Kelby. Kudos to her, she can have him.

Even in my mind that doesn’t sound convincing, he has gotten under my skin. I want a reaction from him, I need it. Ever since the accident, the only time I feel a little less broken is when he is around. I'm pathetic and want whatever scraps he will throw my way. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to convince myself this is what I wanted, I wanted to be broken, it’s what I deserve, but I know deep down, I’m just lying to myself.

The puking continues, so I wrap myself in my towel and step out, leaving all my shower gear on the bench in the cubical. I shouldn’t care, they have shut me out, I should leave whoever it is to sleep in their own vomit. Yet curiosity gets the better of me. Cuyler is leaning over the toilet, his hair hanging around his face. Pity washes over me when I remember the nights I was left alone, waking up smelling like vomit and having no idea where I was.

Removing the hair tie from around my wrist, I close the distance between us, but luckily, he’s so wasted that he won’t even remember it was me who helped him.

Gathering all his hair, I tie it up the best I can. He turns towards me with sadness in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” He slurs, attempting to sit up.

“I don’t want your apology, Cuy, let me help you up.” He nods like he understands what I’m saying. Given he looks like one of those bobble head toys people sit on their dash.

With all the effort I have, I manage to get him to the couch, almost losing my towel a few times. Cuyler snores away so I leave him to sleep off the alcohol in his system.

Back in my room, I slip into a matching pair of white bra and undies. My toes are frozen so I find a knitted woollen pair of knee-high socks and slide them on. I make a point to also wear Cuyler’s shirt to bed, the one he gave me.

My door flies open and hits the wall, making me squeak in surprise as Cuy stumbles in.

“Bambi, I don’t feel good.” He says, sitting on the edge of my bed.

“Maybe that has something to do with the amount of alcohol you consumed.”

“I need my mum,” He whines with his head in his hands. I take a seat next to him, I hate feeling sick, all I want is my mum, so I know how he feels. “Can you hold me for a while?”

“Just for a little while, you’re too pretty for Diesel to keep messing up your face.” He chuckles, but I feel stupid, it’s not like Diesel gives a shit anymore, he has made that clear. Cuy lies down facing the wall, I slide in beside him and throw my arm over his stomach and pull him close, and it’s only a matter of minutes before he is lightly snoring.

***

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