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“Cyrus, it’s fine. I would do anything for you, no matter the consequences. If you and Zeke’s family are okay with me being there, not even a severe storm warning would keep me away.”
“Fuck, I love you,” she says, and as the words leave her mouth, her eyes go wide and glassy.
“Hey, don’t overthink it. Feeling something for me won’t take away from what you two had.”
I pull her into my arms and hold her, secretly smiling into her hair because she loves me, regardless of my flaws. I used to think that love made you weak, but right now, I feel stronger than I ever have with her by my side.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Cyrus
Diesel and I have been sitting out the front of the Mickleson house in the car. So many memories resurface of my childhood. This house was my escape from my own life after my mum died. Nausea washes over me, I want to run and hide, escape the feeling of suffocating in this stupid fucking cardigan. I rip it from my body and throw it in the back. Diesel sits beside me silently watching, probably regretting being with a mental case.
I feel naked without the cardigan, but I’m never going to be able to move forward by hiding my scars away from the world. I can do this. I take a look at the house again and count to ten in my head. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten and one last deep breath.
“I’m ready.”
Diesel doesn’t question me, he steps out of the car and meets me on the passenger side, taking my hand. “You can do this.”
We make our way through the cars, many will be our friends from school, ones that I haven’t seen since the accident. Ones who I avoided at all costs. Not that any of them reached out to me, I ruined most of my friendships after my mum died. Those who were in my circle were there for Zeke.
We reach the top of the stairs, and Diesel knocks on the large wooden door. I expect Gary the butler to answer, but Alex pulls open the door, he looks so much like Zeke that I stick my tongue to the roof of my mouth. I read somewhere that it’s supposed to help you from crying, or it could have been sneezing, but either way, I can’t start crying now before I even step foot into the house.
“Cyrus, you came,” he beams. Diesel lets my hand go, and I step forward and give Alex a small hug.
“I did, thank you for inviting me.” The nerves in my stomach start to twist, I haven’t seen Macy or Brad since before the accident. Zeke’s parents were the best, I know that they tried to visit me in the hospital, but I refused to see anyone.
“My parents have been looking forward to seeing you again, they’re in the kitchen arguing over napkins the last time I passed them.”
We follow Alex into the foyer and through the main hall that leads to the large glass door that opens to the back patio. The entire backyard has been transformed into something magical, and tears pool in my eyes. This is from the vision board Macy made for our graduation.
“She didn’t want to not honour his memory with one of the last boards she made, you know how she is,” Alex says, placing a hand on my arm. I rip my arm back at the feeling of him touching my scar.
“I’ll just be outside, if you need anything, find me.”
I nod, and he makes his way outside, people stopping him to give their condolences. I didn’t attend Zeke’s funeral, I was under suicide watch and undergoing skin grafts. Even if I was able, I don’t know if I would have been able to handle it.
“Cyrus,” I would know her voice anywhere. I turn and come face to face with Zeke’s mother. Macy runs and wraps her arms around me. “I have missed you so much,” she sobs.
“I’m so sorry,” I cry. Macy pulls back and takes my hands.
“Don’t you apologise. I have wanted to see you since the accident, but your father said that you didn’t want anyone to visit you.”
“I have been in a really bad place until recently, I’m so happy you wanted me here.”
“Zeke would have wanted you here, I think his spirit would have hunted you down if you didn’t come.”
We both chuckle, we used to talk about what comes after death, Zeke was a big believer in the spirit living on.
“Macy, I would like you to meet my…” I stumble over the next word. Will she think that I moved on too fast?
“Her boyfriend, Diesel Briar, it’s nice to meet you.”
Diesel saves me, stepping in and offering Macy his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Diesel. I hope you make our girl happy. She deserves good things.”
“Her happiness means a lot to me,” he says, and my damn broken heart heals just a little. It will always be broken and Zeke will always be with me, but Diesel has managed to start piecing it back together again.
Brad joins us, introducing himself to Diesel, and he hugs me just the way his wife did, it’s a massive relief that they both don’t hate me.
