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“Jenna, don’t do that to yourself,” he murmurs into my hair, his breath warm on my scalp. “Believe me, I’ve played enough“maybe this wouldn’t have happened if I’d only done ABC”scenarios in my head over the years for more than one reason. They only make me feel worse. You were eighteen years old. Nobody should be expected to change their life on the turn of a dime at any age, but especially not at eighteen. And if your sister lied once, there was no reason for you to have trusted her the second time. It wasn’t your fault she made friends with the wrong people, and it wasn’t your fault she got pregnant as a result. Those were her own dumb choices. You’re right—maybe saying yes would’ve changed things. But it also might’ve taken you down a path you wouldn’t have wanted to see. Nobody makes our choices for us. My father and your sister are examples that one decision leads to another, and though they were influenced by outside sources—or substances, I guess—nobody but them chose it.”
My tears start to ease as I allow his words to soothe my raw emotions, but I don’t try to move. I feel too vulnerable right now to let Seth study me in that way he does, and I feel too safe in his arms to let him release me.
“Jenna?”
“Hmm?”
“What is your maiden name?”
The question makes me hesitate, but I have nothing to hide. So I don’t. “O’Malley. Why?”
“You mentioned you haven’t been able to locate your sister since that day. So, with your permission, I’d like to use a few resources I have to see if Jade was ever put into the system at any point.” He doesn’t let go of me, but he does lean back slightly, both of his hands moving to cup my cheeks. His thumbs brush tenderly at the tears under my eyes, which are probably red and puffy because they’re sore from crying so hard. “If you don’t want to know, I respect that, and I won’t do anything. But you said you’ve wondered if you have a niece or a nephew and if Jade’s safe. I can’t promise I’ll be able to find the answers to either of those questions, but I can promise to try.”
My heart pounds. Whether because Seth and I are so close or because the reality that Idohave a niece or nephew somewhere out there and I might know where Jade is after ten years, I’m not sure. I waver betweenyesandnofor what has to be at least three minutes straight, those of which Seth’s gaze never wanders from mine.
“Okay,” I finally whisper. I hesitate, then reach up and rest my hands on Seth’s wrists. “But Seth?”
“Yes?”
“I’m scared.”
“I know.” Only then does he break our eye contact because he closes his eyes as he leans towards me, a shiver running down my spine when his lips press against my forehead. The contact is so unexpected, so out of Seth’s element, that I can’t help but swallow hard as my own eyes flutter closed. My fingers grasp his wrists as he stays there for a long, breathless moment, and his next words, whispered against my skin, are more calming than anything I’ve heard in a long time. “Because I am too.”
Chapter Twenty
Seth
Sunday morning, I walk into the station with a cinnamon roll from Cozy & Grounds and a determination to locate Jade O’Malley. After Friday night and Jen telling me everything about her sister, I was tempted to come in yesterday. But then my sister invited me to go out on the lake with her, Marshall, Wynn, and Noelle (who has that certain “glow”, but I managed to keep my mouth shut) and I couldn’t turn her down. I did spend the better part of the daythinkingabout how to locate Jade, but I refrained from looking anything up.
I also replayed the moment when I kissed Jenna’s forehead around a thousand times over in my head, trying to make sense of it. Was it supposed to be a comforting gesture in the face of her revelation and subsequent breakdown? Was it supposed to be that I was intending to rest my chin on her head and missed by several inches, so I adlibbed? Or did I mean what I think I meant by it?
That I’m starting to lower my guard around her, and I don’t know how to raise it again. That I’m starting to feel something I’ve honestly only ever felt once in my life. Sure, I’ve been on a few dates and the women have been nice enough, but none of them ever made me feel like I did with Sierra.
Like Idowith Jenna.
“Morning, Chief.” One of my highest performing deputies, Jason Derrick, greets me as I approach his desk. He leans back in his office chair, hands folded behind his head, and grins up at me. In an environment like this I struggle to see how the Labrador-like guy can be so good at his job, but put him in an intense situation and he’s like three officers together. “Have an interesting weekend?”
“What do you mean by that?” I don’t follow what he’s implying.
“Oh, I don’t know. Word is you left Jenna’s house late on Friday.”
Shoot. I walked right into that trap. I roll my eyes. “Eleven on a Friday is only late to you because you have a new baby.”
“Yeah, and Jenna has two kids.” Jason winks as he scoots back into his desk and grabs the folder I’m here for. “There’s an update on what you’ve missed since you came in on yourday off. It’s been relatively quiet. Everyone’s going easy on us before the Fourth next weekend.”
I scan the reports and let out a chuckle. “Maybe they’ll keep it up. Who says we have to have anything but a nice, civil, and legal celebration of our freedom?”
Jason snorts, clicking his pen on and off. “You know, Chief, for being such a realist when it comes to basically everything, that statement is a little delusional.”
“It was a question, not a statement.” I return his grin and lift the folder. “I’ll be in my office.”
“New case?”
I’m not about to bring up Jenna’s sister where anyone could hear—not even around the men and women I trust with my life—so I keep my answer vague. “Yeah, something like that. If I don’t see you before you leave, tell that wife of yours hello for me and give Olivia extra kisses.”
Jason nods, and we leave it at that. I might not have a wife and four-month-old daughter of my own, but I’m not unaware that over half of my officers have families at home. And that, by coming to work every day or night, they are willingly putting themselves between danger and the citizens we’ve all sworn to serve and protect. Just because Balsam Falls is a smaller town and we have lower crime rates than somewhere like Omaha doesn’t mean stuff doesn’t happen. It does, and we are all doing our best to prevent as much of it as we can, even if it ends up costing us our lives.
I give a customary briefing to the officers who are starting their shifts at the same time as me—the department has a total of thirty full-time officers under me, a unit of two detectives, and one K-9 officer—and assign my teams to their warrants of the day. Once everyone is fully in the loop, including myself, I dismiss the meeting and stride down the hall to my office, pausing at the break room to heat up my cinnamon roll.
