AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His expression relaxes. “Okay, good. That’s good. They have plenty of towels and lifejackets and all that, so you’ll just have to bring swimsuits and whatever else you want. Maybe some snacks. I can make the sandwiches or—”
“How about we make them together?” At his raised brow, I make myself stumble forward over my next words. “I mean, if you’re gonna pick us up and stuff, we can just make them when you get here so we can all have the toppings—I mean meat and stuff that we want on them. Not because, we’re like, a fam—I mean, group—No, I mean—”
“Jen,” he says, and it makes my words crash to an unceremonious halt. I can feel the heat from the way they went up in flames in the flush crawling up my cheeks. They’re probably redder than the raspberry sauce on my cake. “I would love that.”
Oh.Well then. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought.
“I would also like to do something with the teens for the holiday weekend,” he continues, too kind to comment on my blunder. “Unfortunately, tomorrow is my only day just on call. I’d love to say we could do something after I get off Saturday or Sunday, but I doubt I’ll be able to get off when my shift actually ends. I was thinking something like power washing the outside of Marie’s house, then celebrating by having pizza and soda on the dock. If you’re good with doing that tomorrow night, Ella and Eli can come with us.”
Suddenly tomorrow is looking a whole lot more fun. Ella didn’t have anything she wanted to do other than play in her pool in the backyard and have smoothies at Cozy & Grounds and make our annual chocolate chip birthday pancakes with Alice and Jack for breakfast, but there’s nothing saying we couldn’t do those last two things before we go out on the water.
“I think that sounds perfect,” I say. “It’s supposed to be hotter tomorrow than it was today, so it would be nice to be out on the water. And it’ll be a big surprise for Ella and Eli in the morning, so yeah. Let’s do it.”
His smile widens and he gives a nod, but then I feel the mood shift. It’s not that he looks upset or anything, but his smile fades a little as he studies me, and I think there’s something I didn’t understand. Did I say something wrong? I open my mouth to say something, but he beats me to it.
“Jen, I have something I want to talk to you about.”
Okay, so we’ve moved right on past the teasing and now we’re in the land where the inflection of his voice is a little more serious than I anticipated. I shove a bite of cake in my mouth. Pretty much because, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t trust something likeI like you, Sethto not slip out. One thing my mother taught me was to never talk with my mouth full. I don’t know what I’ll do once my cake is gone, but for now I’m safe.
“The other night you asked me why I stopped outside Eli’s room,” he continues, gaze falling to his hands in his lap. He steeples his fingers, un-steeples them, and then steeples them again. I can see his forearm muscles flex each time he shifts their position. “You asked who hurt me so badly. And some of it has to do with my dad, yes. But most of it is because I was, uh, almost engaged at one point.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jenna
Seth exhales a slow breath, his eyes closing. “It was back when I was a senior in college. I’ll spare you the details because they honestly don’t matter to me anymore, but I was ready to propose a month after we started dating.”
It’s ridiculous of me, but every little word is like a grain of sand pelting my skin as Seth talks, and I’ve officially lost my appetite. His voice is gravelly, like there’s a lump in his throat or something, and he has to open and close his mouth several times before he coaxes more words out.
“Until, of course, the day she told me right to my face that I couldn’t possibly be a good dad if I didn’t have one.” His eyes open and they narrow, his jaw tighter than an old lady wandering the aisles of a grocery store with her coin purse. “I wasn’t expecting it. I mean, nobody probably could ever expect something like that, but we’dtalkedabout having a family. So, when she walked away without saying anything more or allowing me to speak, well…It hurt.”
Okay, well, now I’m thinking it’s probably a good thing he doesn’t seem to want to say this chick’s name at all, because my mind (that is completely innocent…I promise) is already scheming up ways to hunt this woman down and force her to watch the video I took of Ella and Seth earlier this evening. I wouldn’t do that (I don’t think, anyway) because it’s not worth the time I could be spendingwithSeth. But I do know that what he just said boils my blood.
“For a long time, I let myself believe her. I mean, it was a valid point, considering my dad had gone to prison and I’ve never even been close with my aunt or, before he died, my uncle.” Seth runs his teeth over his lower lip for a moment, then glances at me for the first time since he started talking about this. The hurt in his eyes feels like a stab to my own heart. Is it too late to say I do want to hunt that woman down? “But over the last few weeks, I’ve started to realize that my worthiness of being a dad does not come from anyone except myself. I think everyone thinks I’m gun shy of being a dad because I think I’ll turn out like my dad, and that’s partly true, but it’s mainly because I actually allowed myself to believe her. But I’m starting to see that my ability to be a father comes from my choices alone, which either benefit me or they don’t. I honestly don’t have everything figured out, Jen. I know that Ella and Eli are involved, and if we didn’t…work out, I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself.”
My dessert is officially forgotten. If Seth is saying what I think he’s saying, I don’t need any more sugar tonight. I’ll already be too excited to sleep with tomorrow’s activities, and nowthis. I don’t even know whatthisis yet, but it feels like something big.
Seth eases to his feet and pulls his cell phone from the pocket of his slacks, unlocks it, and then looks at me. “Jen, the night I left here without an explanation—That song I asked you to stop was the song I used to dance to with her. I’ve intentionally avoided listening to it for eleven years now, and when I heard those opening notes, I flashed back. I hate the way I left that night, but if you’re willing to give me a chance…” He holds his phone out to me. “Pick a song. I found your playlist and followed it. Pick any song you want. And then, dance with me.”
I don’t know if it’s the nerves in his voice or the fact that he just shared a very personal part of his past with me, but I blink back tears as I take the device. He has a picture of him and Jess on his home screen, I notice briefly before tapping on Spotify. It’s then that I discover he didn’t only follow my playlist. He pinned it to the very top of his music library. I taste a salty tear on my lip as I scroll through my beloved songs, selectYour Songby Elton John, and accept the fact that I’m already in love with this man.
Something I will not say tonight, but I think it’s a fact I’m just going to have to accept.
I swallow as I slip my hand into Seth’s. He twirls me around once before tugging me to him. At first, we just stand there, our only physical connection being his hand holding mine, and I don’t breathe in fear that I’m only dreaming. There’s a sense of apprehension in the way we both stand stock-still, both of us too scared to make the first move.
Then, slowly, Seth releases my hand. He sets his hands on my hips, drawing me close to his strong body. My stomach does a strange flipflop as I start to loosen up, and I allow myself to reach up and clasp my arms behind Seth’s neck, my breathing shallow as I look directly in front of me at his chest.
He’s the one who starts to sway us back and forth, his movements unhurried and deliberate. I can feel my body start to relax as he pulls me all the way to him, lowering his head so his cheek is resting against my temple. A new boldness sparks inside of me. I dare to let my fingers tunnel into his thick hair, and his only reaction is his grip tightening slightly. Not to where I couldn’t easily break free from his hold if I wanted to, but in a way that saysI want to protect your heart from me.
I don’t want my heart protected from him anymore. I’ve spent the last three years putting my children first and I always will, but I’ve forgotten what it feels like to take risks. I’ve been playing it safe in fear of being crushed like I was when my marriage fell apart.
But now, I allow my eyes to close as Seth starts murmuring the words of the song like he’s listened to it before and rest my forehead on his shoulder. We’re hardly moving our feet, yet I feel as though I’m dancing on the clouds. I feel wanted and safe and…
Cherished.
I feel cherished.
By the time the song ends and slides into another, I’ve decided I have never felt so connected to another human being. I’ve never experienced the emotional intimacy of this moment in such a profound way. I feel like I’m wearing a thousand-dollar dress and dancing at the fanciest ball, when in fact I’m in pajama shorts, fuzzy socks, and a loose T-shirt that isn’t form-fitting or flattering. But the way Seth holds me makes me feel like he finds me beautiful.
