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“I met her before they were divorced. Before Eli was born.”
“Yes, but things wouldn’t have happened the same way if you hadn’t made the choices you did. The same goes for Jenna and every other person on this planet.” He pauses, narrows his eyes, and takes a breath. “This is a wild guess, but I think most people think God sent them the wrong sign and they ask for another and another and so on and so forth. What they don’t realize is this: God doesn’t do miscommunication; we humans are just stupid good at misinterpretation. Too good at it.”
I never thought about it that way. I consider pulling my notepad from my chest pocket to write it down, but something tells me it’ll stick with me long after this conversation is over.God doesn’t do miscommunication; we humans are just stupid good at misinterpretation.
Not gonna lie, that one stings a little.
It also shifts my perspective. “You’re saying that, all these years, I’ve misinterpreted that Sierra was the one for me?”
“Not necessarily. I believe that was made clear to you the last time you spoke to her. I’m saying people think God’s gonna give them some grand gesture of a sign when they ask him for one, and then they get in a hissy fit when it never comes. But it did—they were just too caught up in thehowthey wanted it to happen that they didn’t have their minds or eyes open to other possibilities. The wordnocan mean two things, Seth. Eithernext opportunityorno opportunity. It is entirely up to us how we interpret it.”
I inhale deeply and blow it out, tracing a line in the condensation on my glass. “I was rattled last night. It’s not like I’ve never been on a collision scene—hell, I was called to my own uncle’s scene—but last night hit me differently. Having that man lay in my arms and tell me to tell his wife and daughter he loved them—I have never made such a difficult death notification in my career, John. I don’t even know these people, and yet, walking up to that front doorknowinghow irrevocably changed a woman and her young daughter’s life was going to be after I knocked… I almost didn’t do it. I wanted to relay it onto one of my men. I didn’t, though, and all I could think as the woman cried into my uniform was that I hadn’t told Jenna and her kids how I felt. If it was me who’d been in that collision, they would’ve never heard, from me, how much I love them.”
John studies me through steady blue eyes. “And did you tell her?”
My mind flashes back to less than twelve hours ago. The feel of Jenna in my arms, her lips on mine, making me feel like she was someone who loved me. I’m so used to keeping any woman I go out with—which hasn’t been many—at arms’ distance. I didn’t want to know anything deeper than what they did for a living or surface level hobbies, nor did I want them to know those things about me. I thought I was protecting myself from having a Sierra 2.0 come along.
But with Jenna, I want to know everything.
I want her to know everything about me.
“Yes,” I finally say. “I told her.”
“Seth, my guess is that you’re in fight or flight mode with how quickly you’re falling for Jenna because of how it went with Sierra. Yes?” He waits until I nod reluctantly. “And that’s understandable, but only to a certain extent. If you want the life I think you want, you’re going to be forced to lay your fears to rest. There’s such thing as healthy fear because sometimes it drives us to do things we otherwise wouldn’t, but when it’s a fear keeping you from the thing you want most, well, it’s not until you let go of it that you’ll be able to fully love Jenna and her kids. And you can’t tell me you don’t want to, because I can see it in your face. Just because it’s been over twenty years since I’ve been a cop doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten how to read people. Believe me, my children think it’s both a blessing and a curse, depending on the day.”
I laugh because I have to agree with them. Being on the receiving end of John’s narrowed eyes when he knows something’s up with you is both terrifying and freeing. Terrifying because you know he won’t let you leave without talking it out, and freeing because you leave feeling lighter and with the knowledge that someone cares enough to talk it out.
“Marshall showed me some pictures of Marie’s house,” John says, and the swift subject change means we’ve adequately discussed the previous topic. “It’s coming along nicely. Somebody is going to be lucky to snag that one when it’s done.”
“Yeah, it’s going a lot better—most of the time—than I expected. You know, if I don’t tell the teens what to do or how to do it.” I smile to let him know I’m joking. Kind of. “We got it all power washed last night before…” I clear my throat. “And the girls decided on paint colors.”
John raises a brow. “You don’t sound enthused.”
“Well, hmm. How do I say this?” I scratch my jaw. “Let’s just say they’re not the colors the boys and I would’ve chosen. We’re going with, uh, beachy blue for the exterior with a yellow door and yellow window frames. I don’t know what interior colors they chose because I got the call before they could tell us. Frankly, I’m not sure I want to know.”
Amusement crinkles the corners of John’s eyes. “Beachy blue, huh? That the official name of the color?”
“I have absolutely no idea.”
“And yet, you were the one who left those paint swatches with those colors at the house.” He laughs, shaking his head. “Marshall mentioned it. I hate to say it, son, but I think you shot yourself in the foot.”
I scoff, though it’s accompanied with a grin I can’t seem to keep off my face. “I really don’t want to admit that.”
“Hey, if the women will be happy, the project will be a whole lot less grueling for you.” John takes a sip of his lemonade, leaning back against the cushioned seat of the booth. He glances towards the kitchen. “Speaking of women, my wife and daughter should be getting back from lunch anytime now. They were going to grab a few groceries, too. You wanna stick around and help put them away?”
I pull in a breath through my teeth. “Oof. Sorry, John, but would you look at that?” I make a show of looking at my watch. “My lunch break is almost over. I’m going to have to head out.”
John only smirks at me. “Uh-huh. Right. You have thirty minutes left. Tell Jenna and the kids hello for me.”
“I’m not…” I trail off as I stand, knowing I can’t lie to John. “I will.”
John does clap me on the shoulder now, our plates in his other hand. “I’ll try not to be offended that you’re spending the rest of your lunch break with a girl instead of me these days. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. You know, eventually.”
I shake my head as I laugh, knowing that even though I pretend John’s exaggerated remarks annoy me, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. He, along with the rest of the Bryants, are the family I always wanted as a child, and I know I can’t take them for granted. John is the role model I’ve looked up to since I was eleven years old.
Now, because of his guidance and love, I get the opportunity to be that same role model for Ella and Eli, and you had better believe I don’t take that lightly.
Chapter Thirty-Three
