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Granted the alternative is that he wants something, which isn’t any better.
“I’m here because I need to talk to you and your sister about something.” He holds my gaze, the blue of his eyes identical to mine, and I don’t know what to make of his expression. Doesn’t matter, though, because his words bristle me regardless. “I know it’s been a while since we…spoke, but—”
“Awhile?”I must find this all really funny because I can’t stop laughing. In a slightly (okay, fully) irritated kind of way. In other words, completely the opposite of the way I laughed when Jenna tried unsuccessfully to put something on a high shelf in her kitchen a little while ago. “Uh, yeah. That’s putting it a little mildly, don’t you think? I was eleven the last time we saw each other, and since then I’ve known nothing about you. You can’t say the same, though, can you? You know, because you’ve obtained information from Jess and I’slegal guardiansall these years?”
Oops. I didn’t mean to toss that dig out there. But I can’t say I regret it.
“Son—”
“Don’t call me that.” My voice blares warning bells as he takes a step closer, and I hold my hand up. “You lost that right a long, long time ago.”
“Last I checked, I’m still your father.”
“Last I checked, you haven’t acted like my father for twenty-two years.”
My stubborn side, along with my looks, came straight from my dad. Mom wasn’t a pushover by any means, but I know she wanted to help my father do things to get where he wanted to be in life. He generally didn’t want any part of it, which wore on their marriage. I don’t know how much Jess remembers, but I don’t think it’s much because she doesn’t act like she recalls hearing them go at it. Likely because it was after she was asleep, and I laid there awake and listened.
Which was part of the reason I was against marriage. I know I have some of my father’s tendencies, and I don’t want to put a family through the hell my family went through.
But Jenna makes me want to change that. Ever since I asked her to help with the project and we started spending time consistently together, my whole outlook of having someone to love and to be loved by has changed.
Right now, however, both my father’s and my own stubbornness is coming to the light. I can only speak for myself when I say I’m not keen on budging, but based on his granite expression, he feels the same way. At least we can find common ground with that, because I doubt there’s any other place we’ll find it.
“I’m not interested in your games,” I say evenly, my tone wrongly conveying that I’m lowering my guard. “So, if you don’t mind, I would like you to leave because I have an early shift tomorrow.”
“Seth, I need—”
“Oh, that’s rich,” I cut in, shaking my head. “We don’t hear from you all this time—not when Elias died, though you were apparently at his funeral, and not when Jess was looking for you—but you show up when you need something. Sorry, I’m not interested.”
Jude takes four steps to bridge the distance between us—physically, but emotionally, there are miles and miles of distance that may never be bridgeable—and stops right in front of me. He’s the same height as I am, and other than the gray at his temples, his hair is still thick and dark. Just like mine. He has a light five o’clock shadow on his angular square jaw. Just like me. His eyes are narrowed. Just like mine.
Jess looks like Mom. I’ve always looked like our father. The irony has never once escaped me.
“Contrary to what you think, I’m not here to play games,” he says in a low voice. “And yes, I do need something. I guess it’s up to you if you want to hear me out on it, but I’ll be going to see Jessica tomorrow.”
That lights my fuse, because I’m not about to let my baby sister be blindsided. “You will not. Leave her alone. You toyed with her emotions enough last year. Why don’t you just get back in your fancy car and go back to Colorado? We don’t know each other anymore. I don’t care what you say—there’s no way in hell I’ll let you go anywhere near Jess.”
He doesn’t cower. He doesn’t flinch.
He gives me a look I can’t decipher, then steps around me and heads down the porch stairs. Just like I asked. But that was before…
I pivot, adrenaline coursing through my veins. “Don’t do it. Don’t do it to Jess.”
He glances over his shoulder, keys in hand. “I don’t know what to say, Seth, other than that I know. I’m aware of the past two decades. I lived them. The question is, what will it take for you to give me a chance to explain why I’m here?”
Thunder rumbles overhead, heralding the arrival of an unexpected storm. One not unlike the storm in me as I clench my jaw, turn, and walk into my house without responding.
I’m shaking.
My hand, holding the phone currently dialing Jenna’s number, is shaking against my ear. I don’t want to admit it, but seeing my father rattled me. I stopped thinking of seeing him again so long ago that I had no expectations anymore. No plan of what to say. No idea of how to expect he’d look. None of it.
I don’t know how to answer his question, because the truth is, I haven’t ever been one to let someone in without having evidence they won’t turn around and stab me in the back. Why? Because I’ve experienced that, and those wounds callous but they don’t heal exactly the way they were before the stab. Forgiveness is all fine and good, but there’s such thing as boundaries, and my father just crossed every single one of them and then some tonight.
Love can make people blind. And yes, I did love my father. Then his betrayal scarred me as a child. I loved Sierra. Her betrayal scarred me as an adult.
And now, just as I was starting to find healing, the original reason for the hurt has bulldozed me yet again.
“Do you already miss me?” Jenna teases by way of greeting.
