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For once in my life, my father showed up to something important. He’s late, but I can see him guide a boy who must be Jake and a tall, slender blonde woman who must be Teri, into place. I swallow and shake the thoughts from my mind, trying to focus on what I was saying.
“I’d like to think that what started as a renovation of this house turned into a renovation of our hearts too. I can’t speak for anyone else, which is why the kids will have a moment to say a few words after we present each of them with these.” I turn to lift the four plaques we had made up from where they’re sitting by the door. “This project inspired me to start the John Bryant Foundation, and on behalf of that foundation, I’d like to give scholarships to each of these four kids so they can chase their dreams. John, will you please come up here to do the honors?”
Another round of applause circulates as John, who was the only one left out of the loop for this reason, shakes his head. His face is slightly flushed as Ember nudges him forward, smiling like the adoring daughter she is, and I meet him halfway to hand him the plaques and shake his hand.
“Thank you for everything,” I tell him in a low voice when he turns the handshake into a hug. “I appreciate it more than I’ll ever be able to say.”
John chuckles. “Oh, I think it goes both ways. But you’ll be paid back for this one, son.”
I don’t doubt it. I do, however, play it cool by merely grinning as I move back, seeking Jenna out. I swing Ella onto my shoulders and rest my hand on the warm skin of Jenna’s lower back, which is left exposed by the yellow dress she’s wearing. She and the Bryant women took Mazzy and Alessia shopping last week for this day, and apparently Ember managed to talk Jen into this dress. If there’s ever been a time I agree with Ember on something, it’s this dress, because I haven’t remembered how to breathe properly since Jenna stepped out of her house earlier today.
“I’m just as surprised as all of you probably are,” John says, and I’m pretty sure I see Jackie wipe under her eyes out of the corner of my own. I made sure to tell Jackie and the kids about this before moving forward with any plans, but the love between these two is palpable, even after nearly forty years. “But I’m not going to prolong standing up here in front of everyone, so let’s get on with it, shall we? I take it I’m supposed to give these plaques to each of these four very deserving teens—you know, since your names are on each of them—so Colin, let’s start with you. Please step up here and share what you’re going to do with this money and maybe a little about what this project taught you.”
John might not be a polished professional speaker, but he’s had enough experience between his days policing and as a business owner of a successful inn to be prepared for the unexpected.
Colin shakes John’s hand, accepts the plaque, and then turns to address the crowd with the mic in hand. “To be completely honest, I didn’t want to do this project,” he says, his grin as cocky as ever. “I’ll spare everyone my original words to Chief Johnson because my mom probably wouldn’t like them, but I’ll say this instead: If it wasn’t for my mother, my newfound friends, and the Chief forcing me to see the good in myself, I wouldn’t be standing here today. So, with this money, I am going to put it towards my dream of becoming a mechanic one day.”
Luka gives Colin a hug as they switch spots, and I don’t miss the way Luka’s gaze immediately seeks out his father and grandfather. “Originally at this time, I was supposed to be in California, starting the path to becoming an attorney just like my father, grandfather, and the two generations before that. I half-heartedly did want to carry on that tradition because I love my family. But thanks to this project and these friends, I’ve decided I’m not going to become an attorney. I’m going to take a gap year to spend with my family and work on some personal goals, and then next fall I will be attending the University of Nebraska at Lincoln to get my criminal justice degree. I then hope to come back here to work on the Balsam Falls Police Department following college and police training.”
Undeniable pride swells in me, only bolstered further when Jenna rests her hand on my bicep and squeezes.
“We didn’t want to do this alone, so we’re not going to,” Mazzy says as both she and Alessia step onto the stoop beside John. “The only reason I’m standing here today is because…” Her words trail off as she bites her lip, and she glances up at the baby blue sky briefly. “Okay, I didn’t expect to have these emotions.” She lets out a little laugh. “But the reason I’m here today is because of my dad. So, to my dad and everyone else who made this summer completely unforgettable, thank you. With the money I’m receiving today, I’m going to be pursuing my dream of becoming a midwife so that, one day, I can travel to other countries and deliver babies for free.”
Alessia looks as out of her element as I felt, but she confidently takes the mic, pausing only to allow everyone’s applause to quiet down. “As is the common theme, I’m not at all used to this concept of public speaking. But thanks to my family—I’d especially like to thank my brother Dylan, and my sister Becca—I have this opportunity. And thanks to Chief Johnson, Jenna, and my friends, I’m finally confident enough in myself to pursue what I’m passionate about. After I graduate high school in May, I’m going to be apprenticing under Marshall Bryant at Bryant Bros. Construction to start my journey of becoming an architect. My money, however, will be going towards a service dog for my sister, Becca.”
I release Jenna to clap, mindful of Ella on my shoulders, because despite all the challenges and self-doubts and family dynamics, these teens did it. Jen and I were liaisons of the group, but we weren’t the ones who took charge of the renovations or design. To say I’m proud of these kids would be an understatement.
I know I won’t be able to smile and converse with people as freely as I’ve learned to recently until my past is confronted, though. And because my sister catches my eye as she tilts her head back slightly, the time for that confrontation is now.
I’ve considered the fact that my father may have remarried. It’s been a long time since Mom died, and even if I don’t know where I personally stand on my feelings regarding him, I do know he may as well be happy. I’ve realized, no small thanks to Jenna, there’s no real point to living in hell on earth. I might as well be dead if that’s the case, and I’m not keen on that idea.
I cannot say, however, I seriously thought about the fact that I might have another sibling. I mean, maybe in the back of my mind or subconsciously, but I never truly wondered if there was another Johnson kid out there. Probably because I didn’t want to think of some other kid having the dad my father wasn’t to Jess and I. Self-defense comes in strange ways sometimes.
But as my half-brother spots me and Jess, as his entire, innocent face lights up and he lets go of his parents’ hands to run straight for me, it occurs to me that Jake never knew he was being raised by a man who’d all but abandoned his other children. Until a few days ago, he didn’t know Jess and I existed. And yet, he isn’t reacting the same way I did when I found out. Mostly due to his disability, certainly, but I like to think God doesn’t do things by mistake. I’m not a religious person and I feel closer to the Creator with my family or on the lake or in my cruiser than sitting in a church.
That said, I’ll put money on the fact that God knew. If my half-brother had been anywhere as strong-willed and stubborn and maybe even guarded as me, we probably never would’ve agreed to meet. I imagine we would’ve had similar emotions to our father being secretive, but likely would’ve butted heads in person. So instead, my half-brother is a quiet and gentle and completely innocent boy named Jake who didn’t hesitate. He saw Jess and I and went for it, not pausing to consider I might not want to be hugged.
And because I’ve never felt so downright convicted of my humanness in my life, I open my arms to him. A virtual stranger, somehow miraculously connected to me by blood, is in my arms like the space was made for him. Like I was given the life experiences I’ve been given, seen the things I’ve seen, only to be reminded of the softness that is this child.
“Love you, Seth,” he says into my chest, slightly slurred.
The words are so unexpected that I take a moment to respond, because I didn’t think Jake would be able to say anything based on what my father said about his speaking abilities. “I love you too, Jake.”
A lone tear falls down my own cheek as I hug him. I welcome Jess into the embrace by wrapping my left arm around her. She’s shaking with silent tears, but as I stand here with both of my younger siblings in my arms, mine for protecting, I let myself cry. I don’t know what tomorrow or next week or next year holds. Nobody does. I do know, with every single day of my life I get, I’m going to strive to be the best version of myself I can be, because that’s all I can do.
I glance over my siblings’ heads and catch my father’s eye. Though we don’t say a word, though there are so many years of distance between us, though we both have our own lives that are very different, he gives me a slight nod.
And because I know the first step to healing is letting go, I nod back.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Jenna
Over the past few weeks, I’ve cried a few times. Happy tears because I’m engaged to the man I didn’t know I needed and I love him more than I ever thought possible. Because every time Ella and Eli tell meI love you, MommyI’m reminded of the immense blessing it is that I get to call them my babies. Because we got the project finished and the house couldn’t look more amazing, nor could the teens be on better paths in their lives.
Sad tears because my sister rejected me when I put my heart out on the line, diminishing the dream I had of reuniting and meeting my nephew. Because Pete called to tell me the news that his father passed. Because the house is, indeed, complete and I didn’t realize how much I looked forward to working with the teens.
But today, on the last day of summer, all I feel is a relaxed peace. It’s an unshakeable peace I haven’t felt so deeply for a while now. Maybe because things have settled into a peaceful and simple flow of everyday rhythms. Perhaps thanks to knowing everyone I love is always nearby to me, and I’d grown so accustomed to being on my own that I didn’t know how to allow myself to maintain independence while learning to rely on others too.
