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I smile and we set off. My bare feet scuff through the dirt and the robe flaps around my thighs, but for a few heartbeats I am happy. I shouldn’t be, but there is a lightness within me that I haven’t felt in a very long time.
I have a direction—to the center of Under.
And I have friends—even if they are currently looking rather monstrous.
And I have hope that things will get better, which is more than what I’ve had for too long. Maybe seeing my ex in Under set me free of him. But if he deserved to be here for all the shit he put me through…do I?
Do I really?
Does Michael? And Tail—he is sure he killed his father, so maybe—and Talon?
Was Tail’s belief that he is a monster for killing his father enough for him to be taken.?
Michael thinks he deserved to be taken for going to a party instead of looking after his father and siblings. And Talon hasn’t said anything. He’s been here so long that he may not even remember.
And me? I always expected the monsters to come for me.
Was that all they needed, that tiny crack that I would be taken if I was bad, so the moment I lost my temper and gave Bret the ultimatum, it was enough?
I sigh and glance up at the sky, knowing Michael is right and if I walk, we will never reach the safety of the ridge. I wish leaving Under was as easy as believing I don’t belong here. But since it didn’t work on my claws, it won’t work on anything else.
We skirt around a puddle that seems to stretch into the horizon. In the middle are the grim remains of those that never made it out of the mud. That could’ve been me if Michael hadn’t hauled me out. I shudder and glance away, my gaze automatically searching the barren land for monsters.
I have only spent one night here, yet the memories of my other life feel like a distant dream. Under is already stealing parts of my memory, I’m sure of it.
The ones it has taken are the ones I must rarely look at because I don’t seem to miss them. Or is it because they are gone, I have nothing to miss, and it’s only the bigger ones that will leave a noticeable hole in my mind.
Michael’s hand is large and strong around mine, and for a moment I pretend we are a normal couple, on a hike somewhere. I used to enjoy hiking. Going out for a few hours to breathe in the trees and shake loose any dark thoughts and leave them for the forest to devour.
My lips curve in a smile.
There are no trees here, though there are the twisted remains of what look like trunks, which makes me think there must have been trees at some point. Scrappy yellowed plants grow near some of the puddles and cling to crevices in the rocks. I imagine this place was once beautiful and lush with life before it became corrupted.
“You seem happy,” Michael says cautiously, like he is worried about being wrong.
I think I might be.
If only because I am alive. The worst thing, the thing I had dreaded my entire life, has happened. I am in Under and I’m not dead. I survived.
Whatever life throws at me now is nothing compared to facing the fear that has overshadowed my life since the day my mother was dragged away.
I nod, and he smiles back at me. It’s a strange thing that curves his lips, like he isn’t used to having a human lower half to his face and his mouth doesn’t quite remember what to do.
I want to tell him about going hiking, and why I am smiling, but I can’t. Not unless Talon is around to read what I write in the dirt. It’s a slow way to communicate, but it’s all I have until I find a way to get my voice back.
Instead, I stop and indicate that I’m ready to get on his back.
He drops to one knee and looks up at me with his one ice blue eye. A horn the size of a finger grows out of the socket where his other eye had been. He lost it because of me. My smile becomes fixed, and I remind myself that he doesn’t blame me, or at least that’s what he claims.
But the changes aren’t as random as they first seemed.
Claws grow first—for survival, I guess.
But after that the monstrous traits have meaning for the person who is changing even if they can’t see it at first.
I bite my lip.
“What?”
